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Two bananas are lying on a river bank when a turd comes floating by.
The turd looks over and says, “Hey! Come on in! The water’s fine!”
One banana turns to the other banana and says, “Do you believe that

What Exactly Is Marriage?
“Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don’t have to give her back to her parents” -Eric, six years old

“When somebody’s been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, ‘I’ll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me.’ Then she says yes, but she’s wondering what the thing is and whether it’s naughty or not. She can’t wait to find out.” -Anita, nine years old

How Does a Person Decide Whom to marry?
“You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one.” -Kelly, nine years old

“My mother says to look for a man who is kind….That’s what I’ll do….I’ll find somebody who’s kinda tall and handsome.” -Carolyn, eight years old

Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married
“Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife” -Bert, five years old

How Did Your Mom and Dad Meet?
“They were at a dance party at a friend’s house. Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down…It was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to find out about their values.” -Lottie, nine years old

“My father was doing some strange chores for my mother. They won’t tell me what kind.” -Jeremy, eight years old

What Do Most People Do on a Date?
“On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.” -Martin, ten years old

“Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love.” -Craig, nine years old

When Is It Okay to Kiss Someone?
“You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a ring and her own VCR, ’cause she’ll want to have videos of the wedding.” -Allan, ten years old

“Never kiss in front of other people. It’s a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you….If nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours.” -Kally, nine years old

The Great Debate: Is It Better to Be Single or Married?
“You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan” -Kirsten, ten years old

“It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them” -Anita, nine years old

“It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble.” -Will, seven years old

21 Slogans To Help Promote Safe Sex
1. Cover your stump before you hump
2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3. Don’t be silly, protect your willy
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout
5. Don’t be a loner, cover your boner
6. You can’t go wrong when you shield your dong
7. If you’re not going to sack it, go home & whack it
8. If you think she’s spunky cover your money
9. If you slip between her things, be sure to condomize
10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
11. She won’t get sick if you wrap your dick
12. If you’re going into heat, package your meat
13. When you’re undressing your venus dress up your penis
14. When you take off her pants & blouse, slip up your trouser mouse
15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16. Never, Never deck her, with an unwrapped pecker
17. Don’t be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18. The right selection will protect your erection
19. Wrap it in oil before checking her oil
20. A crank with armor will never harm her

Why do black people hate country music?

Every time they say “hodown” they think their sister got shot.

There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one hot
summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big
bundle of wire.
“Hey kid!” the farmer says. “Where ya goin’ with that wire?”
“Well,” the kid drawls, “this here ain’t just any ol’ wire, this here’s
chicken wire – I’m fixin’ to catch me some chickens!”
“You can’t catch chickens with chicken wire!”
“Sure I can!” the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at
the end of the day and sure enough, he’s got a whole mess of chickens
caught in his chicken wire.
Well, the farmer’s sitting on his porch the next day, and the same kid
comes walking down the lane, carrying a big roll of tape.
“Hey kid!” the farmer yells. “Where ya goin’ with that tape?” “Well, this
here ain’t just any ol’ tape, this here’s duck tape – I’m fixin’ to catch
me some ducks!”
“You can’t catch ducks with duck tape!” the farmer yells back. “Sure I
can!” the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end
of the day and again, the farmer can’t believe his eyes. The kid had a
whole bunch of ducks all wrapped up tightly in his tape.
The next day the farmer’s sitting on his porch again, and the kid comes
walking down the road carrying a stick.
“Hey kid!” the farmer says. “Where ya goin’ with that stick?”
“Well, this here ain’t just any old stick, this here’s pussy willow.”

“Hang on,” the farmer says, “I’ll get my hat.”

© 2015