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Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes
For an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress,
non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the northern hemisphere
summer solstice, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the
religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practice of your choice,
with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of
others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions
at all. And a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically
uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2005,
but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures
whose contributions to society have helped make our country great, and
without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability,
religious faith, sexual orientation or choice of computer platform and
operating system of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

1. The greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal.
2. It is freely transferable with no alteration the original greeting.
3. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the
wishes for her/himself or others.
4. It is void where prohibited by law, and
5. It is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.

This wish is warranted to perform as expected with the usual application
of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a
subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is
limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the
sole discretion of the wisher.

The color blue has not intentionally been omitted from this season.
Blue has never applied for recognition as an official colour of this
particular holiday observance and I neither oppose nor endorse the
use of the color blue.

Three old ladies are walking down the street. They are hard of hearing.

One: Whew, it’s windy today!
Two: No. Today’s Thursday!
Three: So am I! Let’s go to a bar!

A man goes to his bank manager and says “I’d like to start a small
business how do I go about it?”
The bank manager leans back and clasps his hands together on his gut and
replies “Buy a big one and wait”

Did you hear about the queer deaf mute?
Neither did he.

“Information. Can I help you?”

“I’d like the number of the Theater Guild, please.”

“One moment, please.” Pause. “I’m sorry sir, I have no listing
for a Theodore Guild.”

“No, no. It isn’t a person. It’s an organization. It’s Theater

“I told you, sir. I have no listing for a Theodore Guild.”

“Not *Theodore*! *Theater*! The word is *theater*.

“That, *sir*, is NOT the way you spell Theodore.”

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