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A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband
liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the
husband came back from fishing after getting up real early that
morning and took a nap.

While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was
not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the
boat, and started reading her book.

Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside
the woman’s boat and asks her what she’s doing? She says,
“Reading my book.”

The Game Warden tells her she is in a restricted fishing area
and she explains that she’s not fishing. To which he replied,
“But you have all this equipment. I will have to take you in and
write you up!”

Angry that the warden was being so unreasonable, the lady
told the warden, “If you do that, I will charge you with rape.”

The warden, shocked by her statement, replied, “But I didn’t
even touch you.”

To which the lady replied, “Yes; but you have all the

Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses
were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to
the other and said, “You know, I’ve been sitting here so long, my butt
fell asleep!’.

The other woman turned to her and said “I know! I heard it snoring!”

There was this guy walking down the road when he noticed a night club
ahead. He went in, went up to the bar and asked for a drink. The bar owner,
who was tending bar, said, “I’ve never seen you in her before.”

The guy says, “Yes, I’m not from around here. I’m just passing through on my
way to find a job.”

The owner asks, “What do you do?”

The guy says, “I write music and play the piano.”

The owner, looking excited says, “REALLY! I have an ad in the paper looking
someone to play my piano. Please sit down at the keyboard and play for me
if you’re interested.”

The guy does and as he plays the piano the owner is in awe of his talent
and musical abilities. The owner says, “You play the piano more beautifully
than anyone I have ever heard! What is the name of that song?”

The guy says, “I wrote that song and the name is Two Lesbians Fucking Their
Brains Out.”

The owner gasps and is taken back. He says, “My gosh, that’s a terrible name
for such a beautiful song. Do you know any others?”

The guy smiles and plays again. Once more the owner is astounded by this
guy’s talent and musical abilities. He’s almost afraid to ask but he does
ask what the name of the song he just played.

The guy answers, “I Fucked Her All Night Until She Couldn’t Take Anymore.”

The owner again was shocked. The owner says, “Ok, you play beautifully and
the songs you have written are incrediable. I will hire you, but you have
to promise not to tell the name of your songs to the patrons.” The guy

That night the guy was playing the piano and the crowd was just as amazed
as the owner was with this man’s musical abilities. After playing two
songs the crowd stood up and applauded. The guy was really pleased and
stood up to take a bow. When he stood up and faced the audience, it was
apparent that his zipper was open and his dick and balls were hanging out.

One of the patrons close to the piano says, “Sir, do you know your dick and
balls are hanging out?”

The guy smiles and says, “KNOW IT, I WROTE IT!”

What’s black and crispy and comes on a stick?
Joan of Arc.

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted
from politics to cooking. “I got a cookbook once,” said the first,
“but I could never do anything with it.”

“Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?” asked the second.

“You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way –
‘Take a clean dish and… ‘”

© 2015