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A young man was staying on a farm with his uncle and aunt for the summer.
One morning the aunt and uncle walked in the kitchen and the young man was
drinking an extremely large glass of milk. The young man said “I took
the liberty of milking your cow this morning!” He then continues and says
“it took me a while to get her started up. She must be old and stubbly.”
The uncle says with a confused look ” Um son we don’t have a cow…We have
a bull!”

A photographer from a well known national magazine was assigned to
cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park.
When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so
thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him
to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to
rent a plane and take photos from the air.
He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate.
He jumped in with his bag and shouted, “Let’s go!” The pilot swung
the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the
The photographer said, “Fly over the park and make two or three low
passes so I can take some pictures.”
“Why?” asked the pilot. “Because I am a photographer,” he responded,
“and photographers take photographs.”
The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, “You mean
you’re not the flight instructor?”

An eminent teacher and thinker once expressed his philosophy of life
succinctly. “When it all boiled down to the essence of truth,” the
philosopher said, “one just live by a dog’s rule of life: If you can’t eat
it or fuck it, piss on it!!!”

The huge black dude was getting ready for the electric chair –
he had been found guilty of rape and murder. The witnesses to
the execution were astonished when the prisoner’s pant leg was
cut and a tiny electrode was prepared to be placed on his penis.
“Hey don’t look so surprised” the condemned man said.
“Yours would shrink and shrivel up too it you were about to be zapped!”

A couple of geezers were sitting on a bench outside the nursing home, having
a little chat. “How are you, Tom?” asked Marvin.
“I’m not feeling well today – utterly exhausted,” Tom replied. “I pulled a
muscle and it’s killing me.”
“That pulled muscle shouldn’t make you so tired, though.”
“Well, it does if you pull it a couple of hundred times….”

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