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This guy was driving down the highway and was pulled over
by the cops. The cop asked the man for his name and the
guy replied, “Earl.”

“You got a last name, Earl?”

“Nope. It’s a long story, Officer.”

“I got time.”

Earl sighs and says, “Well, Officer, at first I was known as
Earl Doo-Daa. I was going to school to become a doctor, and
I did, so I was known as Earl Doo-Daa, MD. I got bored just
being a doctor so I went to dental school, graduated, and
became Earl Doo-Daa, M.D., D.D. After a little more time I
fooled around with this girl and got VD. So I was known as
Earl Doo-Daa, MD, DD, with VD. When the medical board
found out about my VD they took away my MD so I was known
as Earl Doo-Daa, DD with VD. The dentistry board also found
out about the VD and took away my DD making me Earl
Doo-Dah with VD. Finally, the VD took away my Doo-Dah so
I’m now just Earl.”

An old hillbilly and his wife had never been more than 7 miles from their home in the East Tennesse Smokies. One day the man said to his wife, “Honey, you know we’re not getting any younger and I sure would like to take a vacation and stay in one of those fancy hotels in the city before I die.”
That sounded good to her so they started scrimping and saving. Four years later they had enough for them and their never-married adult son to go and spend 5 nights in a very posh hotel in the big city. They all piled into the man’s old pickup and headed out.
When they got to the hotel the man said to his wife, “Mama, you just wait in the truck. Junior and I will go in and be sure this is the right place.”
When they stepped into the lobby they both thought they had died and gone to heaven. There were indoor streams and water fountains, polished marble and gleaming brass everywhere. But the most amazing thing of all was the elevators. They stood there and watched the lights flash, the doors open and close and people getting on and off.
A stooped over little lady who was 90 if she was a day approached the elevators and pushed the “Up” arrow. The door opened and she got on. The door closed. The lights above the door flashed. They flashed some more and the door opened. The most stunning 24-year-old, green-eyed blonde you’ve ever seen stepped off and went into the lounge. The son looked at his dad.
The dad looked at his son for just a second and then said, “Son, go git yer Ma.”

Her father was very angry when he heard that his twenty year
old daughter had hitch hiked all alone, all the way from San
Francisco to Washington.

“For gods sake!” he screamed, “Someone could have attacked you
and raped you!”

“I wasn’t ever in no danger at all”, she said, trying to calm him
down. “As soon as someone gave me a ride, I said I was going to
Washington, because thats where they have the best treatment for
sexually transmitted diseases.”

Q. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree ?
A. Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be a hell of a blowjob !

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.
The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.
President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read:
Dear GOD,
Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those idiots deducted $95.00!

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