Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100254 jokes and pictures!


Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A1: Five. One to change the bulb and four more to chase off the Californians who have come up to relate to the experience.
A2: Nine. One to change the bulb, and eight to protest the nuclear power plant that generates the electricity that powers it.

Dear Abby:

I was married to Bill for three months and I didn’t know he drank until
one night he came home sober…

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

“Standing Tall for America” means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.

Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George Bush’s driving record is none of our business.

You support states’ rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the ’80s is irrelevant.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

35. One Hundred and One Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA
34. “My Love Affair with ABC” by Ellen DeGeneres
33. Human Rights Advances in China
32. The Difference between Reality and Dilbert
31. “Tolerance” by Reggie White
30. “Things I Wouldn’t Do for Money” by Dennis Rodman
29. Al Gore: The Wild Years
28. Amelia Earhart’s Guide to the Pacific Ocean
27. “You Are Our Customer!” by the IRS
26. Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors
25. Detroit – A Travel Guide
24. Different Ways to Spell “Bob”
23. Dr. Kevorkian’s Collection of Motivational Speeches
22. America’s Most Popular Lawyers
21. Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance
20. Everything Men Know About Women
19. Everything Women Know About Men
18. “My Case for Ecumenicalism” by Rev. Bob Jones III
17. George Foreman’s Big Book of Baby Names
16. “How to Sustain a Musical Career” by Art Garfunkel
15. Mike Tyson’s Guide to Dating Etiquette
14. “Family Values” by Congressman Bob Barr & Mrs. Barr III
13. Staple Your Way to Success
12. The Amish Phone Directory
11. The Engineer’s Guide to Fashion
10. Boulder Police Evidence in the JonBenet Ramsey Case
9. Christianity in the Christian Coalition
8. The Impartiality of Kenneth Starr
7. The Honesty of Saddam Hussein
6. “My Plan To Find The Real Killers” by OJ Simpson
5. “The Moral High Road in Government” by Bill Clinton
4. French Hospitality
3. Easy UNIX
2. “Quit Alcohol in 12 Easy Steps” by Boris Yeltsin
1. “My Family’s Musical Talent” by Slim Whitman

The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was less than faithful. He hired a private investigator to follow her and in
less than a week, had all the information that he needed on the “other man”.

The husband convinced himself that his would still be a loving and trustworthy marriage had not this S.O.B. come onto the
scene. Being a man of the 90′s and all, he decided to handle the matter in what he judged to be sophisticated and business-like
manner.

He sent the following e-mail to his wife’s lover:

Sir,
It has been brought to my attention that for some time now you have been carrying on an affair with my
wife. So that we may settle this matter in an intelligent fashion, please be at my office at 3 PM on Friday
next.

The “other man” was highly amused by the husband’s formal manner and sent off the following reply at once:

Dear Sir,
I have received a copy of your mass mailing this morning. You may be advised that I will attend the
scheduled conference in your Office’s auditorium.



© 2015 ijokedb.com