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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs who left a smudge on your floor?

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50
that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf.

He said, “No bet, the steaks are too high.”

There was a businesswoman who just made a million dollars for an Arabian Oil Sheik. When she was leaving the Oil Sheik offered her Diamonds and rubies and a Silver-plated Rolls Royce, but she declined.
The Sheik insisted so she said that she just started to golf and maybe a set of golf clubs would be nice.
A few weeks later she received a telegram from the sheik.
“So far I have bought you 3 golf clubs. I hope you aren’t disappointed that only 2 of them have swimming pools.”

What food best describes a man?

Seventy year old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests
came back with great results. Dr. Smith said, “George everything looks
great physically. How are you doing mentally, emotionally and are you at
peace with your self and have a good relationship with God?”
George replied, “God and me are tight. We are so close that when I get up
in the middle of the night, poof!… the light goes on and I go to the
bathroom and then poof! the light goes off!”
“Wow,” commented Dr. Smith, ‘That’s incredible!”
A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George’s wife. “Thelma,” he
said, “George is just fine. Physically he’s great. But I had to call you
because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets
up during the night and poof! The light goes on in the bathroom and then
poof! The light goes off?”
Thelma replied, “Oh God! He’s peeing in the fridge again!”

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