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What did the egg say to the boiling water?
“I just got laid and now you want me to get hard?!”

Mommy, Mommy! The teacher says I look like a monkey!

Shut up and comb your face!

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The barman looks at the creature and asks the man what he calls it.
“Tiny” replies the man.
“Why’s that?” asks the bartender.
“Because he’s my newt!”

What goes blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette?

A blonde doing cartwheels!

How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the
world does it take to do the dishes?

-Both of them.

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