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There was a drunk man walking down the street turning
his car keys back and forth.
A policeman came up to him and asked, “Sir, what are you doing?”
The drunk replied, “I am looking for my car, the last time I saw
it, it was on the end of these keys.”
The police officer said, “Sir, do you know your zipper is down?”
The drunk replied, “Shit, I lost my wife, too!”

Hillbilly to Doc: I need to git some of them thar birth control pills fer my daughter.
Doc: Is she sexually active?
Hillbilly: Naw… she jes lays thar like her maw!

What do you call an artist who broke up with his girlfriend?


Father: Did Paul bring you home last night?
Daughter: Yes, it was late. Daddy. Did the noise disturb you?
Father: No, My Dear, it wasn’t the noise. It was the silence.

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