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Credit Card Commercial That Never Was
Cover Charge: $15.00
Round of Drinks: $23.00
Table Dance: $30.00
Another Round of Drinks: $23.00
Couch Dance and Tips: $50.00
A Round of Shots: $34.00
Another Round of Drinks: $23.00
Lap Dance and Hand Job: $100.00
Private Dance and Hotel Room: $500.00
Sending her on her way without having to cuddle or listen to her:

A doctor at an insane asylum, decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.

When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, “Up nuts!” And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, “Down Nuts!” And they all sat. After a home run he yelled, “Cheer nuts!” And they all broke into applause and cheers.

Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot-dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened. The assistant replied, “Well…everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, ‘PEANUTS!’”

These two men were cellmates at state penitentiary for nine years. One day
Larry said to Joe, “You know man its been a long time since we had some
sex so you oughta let me fuck you.” Joe replied. “Are you crazy?!!” Larry
went on to say, “I promise you that it won’t hurt and we’ll flip a coin
and see who fucks, who first. So, Joe thought about it for a minute and
finally agreed. They flipped a coin and Larry won. Still having strong
reservation Joe asked, “How will you tell if it hurts or not?” Larry told
Joe, “If it hurts you start making animal noises, and I’ll stop. But if it
feels good start singing.” Larry started the insertion and Joe screamed,
Moooooooo. Moooooo. Mooooon River……

A man approached the window of a movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder and asked for two tickets.

“Who’s the other ticket for?” the ticket girl asked.

“For my pet chicken.” He said, pointing to the bird.

“I’m sorry,” the girl tells him, “but we don’t allow animals in the theater.”

The man walked around the corner of the building, and stuffed the chicken into his pants. He returned to the ticket window and bought a ticket, entered the theater, and sat down.

The chicken started to get too hot, so the man, figuring it was okay because it was dark to unzipped his pants and let the chicken stick its head out.

The woman seated next to him looked down in horror. She nudged her friend Amanda and whispered, “Amanda! This man next to me just unzipped his pants!”

Amanda replied, “Oh, don’t worry about it. Just ignore him. If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.”

The woman whispered back, “I know, I know, but this one’s eating my popcorn!”

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a
peeping tom?

One snatches watches and the other watches snatches!

© 2015