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A pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull. “I
would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree”, sighed the
pheasant, “but I haven”t got the energy”.
Well, why don”t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull.
“They”re packed with nutrients”.
The pheasant pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave
him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next
day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch and so
on. Finally, after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the
top of the tree, whereupon he was spotted by a farmer who dashed into
the farmhouse, emerged with a shotgun, and shot the pheasant right out
of the tree.
Moral of the Story:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won”t keep you there.

What’s the difference between a whale and a dyke?

Oh, about ten pounds, and a plaid shirt.

In the US, it takes more brainpower to fill out the income tax forms than it does to earn the income in the first place.

So if the world is truly getting “smaller”, how come the US Postal rates keep going up ?

All politicians claim they know what it was like to be poor. OK, fine, but why do they insist on the rest of us learning too.

In the US, there are several ways to become rich: inherit a lot of money, invent/develop, win the lottery or sue somebody.

Hospitals still have private and semi- private accommodations. If you have an HMO though, semi- private means two to a bed.

Strange how people who don’t even know their neighbors, are extremely curious to know if there’s extra- terrestrial life.

Whats worse than shit on Olivia Newton Johns face?
Cum on Eileen.

A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and soon, the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel.

The ensign’s efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain.

He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, “My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules – Make sure the captain is aboard before getting under way.”

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