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The little church in the suburbs suddenly stopped buying from its regular office supply dealer. So, the dealer telephoned Deacon Brown to ask why.

“I’ll tell you why,” shouted Deacon Brown. “Our church ordered some pencils from you to be used in the pews for visitors to register.”

“Well, interrupted the dealer, “didn’t you receive them yet?”

“Oh, we received them all right,” replied Deacon Brown.

“However, you sent us some golf pencils…each stamped with the words, `Play Golf Next Sunday.'”

A man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain road.
A woman was driving down the same road.
As they passed each other, the woman leaned out the
window and yelled, “Pig!”
The man immediately leaned out his window and replied,
“Bitch!”
They continue on their way and as the man rounded the
next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the
road.

How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?
They had reservations.

Etiquette and Behavior:
EB101: PMS (Preposterous Mood Swings) -Learning To Sleep Over At Mother’s
EB102: We Do Not Want Ties For Christmas
(Just Wear The Sexy Lingerie I Gave You)
EB103: How Not To Sob Like A Sponge When Your Husband Is Right
EB104: Why It Is Unacceptable To Talk About Feminine Hygiene In Mixed Company
EB105: If You Want To Know How That Looks On You, Ask Your Mother
EB106: How To Act Younger Than Your Mother
EB107: Apologizing For Farting When You’re On The Toilet Is Not Necessary
General Electives:
GE101: You, The Whining Sex
GE102: Why You Don’t Need To Invite Your Mother Over Every Weekend
GE103: Payday And Shopping Are Not Synonymous
GE104: Female Friendship – Why Your Best Friends Are Not The Women Who Complain About You The Most
GE105: Learning To Appreciate Beer Belly And Lard Butt Morphologies Of Men
Home Economics:
HE101: You Can Change The Oil Too
HE102: How To Properly Fill A Beer Mug
HE103: How To Do All Your Laundry In One Load And Have More Time To Watch Football
HE104: How To Encourage Your Husband To Cook More And Be Able To Stomach His Slop
HE105: Get A Life – Learn To Kill Spiders Yourself
HE106: How To Close The Garage Door
HE107: How To Close The Top On The Toothpaste
HE108: How to Drive a Nail Without Breaking One
HE109: Why Going To The Bathroom Is Not A Group Activity
HE110: Overcoming “The Imelda Syndrome” (formerly called “How Many Feet Do You Have, Anyway?”)
Interpersonal Relationships:
IR101: Understanding The Female Causes Of Male Drunkenness
IR102: If You Don’t Want An Excuse, Don’t Demand An Explanation
IR103: Romanticism – The Whole Point Of Caviar, Candles, And Conversation
IR104: Why Men Enjoy Grocery Shopping About As Much As Women Enjoy Watching “The Three Stooges”
IR105: Marriage – The Number One Cause Of Divorce
Life Skills:
LS101: Combatting The Impulse To Nag
LS102: Parenting – Your Husband Gave You Children So You Could Have Someone Other Than Him To Boss Around
LS103: Balancing A Checkbook – Even You Can Get It Right
LS104: Comprehending Credit Card Spending Limits And Financial Responsibility
LS105: Shopping – Doing It In Less Than 16 Hours
LS106: How To Go Fishing With Your Mate And Not Catch Pneumonia
LS107: Living Without Power Windows – How To Turn A Crank
LS108: How To Retain Your Composure While Your Husband Is Relaxing By Himself
LS109: You Too Can Carry A Backpack
LS110: Dress Like A Slut And Put On Something Sexy – Why It Won’t Ruin Your Brain
LS111: Attainable Goal – Catching A Ball Before It Stops Moving
LS112: How To Remain Femininely Enticing And Attractive After Menopause
LS113: How To Parallel Park
Sex Education:
SE101: Reasons To Give Head To Your Man
SE102: How To Stay Awake During Sex And Imagine That It Lasted For Over 10 Minutes
SE103: Fall Semester: You Can Use A Bed For More Than Just Sleep Spring Semester: It’s Okay To Do It Outside Of The Bedroom
SE104: How To Say “Yes” More Often
SE105: How To Say “No” But Really Mean “Yes”
SE106: Lingerie – The Gift That Keeps On Giving
SE107: Sexual Alternatives For “That Time Of The Month” (formerly called “Any Old Port In A Storm”)
SE108: Foreplay (not a required course, for extra credit only)

Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear
tire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, another car
goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug
nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain.

Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when
he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one of the
inmates has been watching the whole thing.

“Hey, pal! Why don’t you just take one lug nut off each of the other
three wheels? That’ll hold your tires on until you can get to a garage
or something.”

Jones is startled by the patient’s seeming rationality, but realizes
the plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident.
Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. “You know, that was
pretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?”

The patient smiles and says, “I’m in here because I’m crazy, not
because I’m stupid.”



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