Joke's Database
Have fun searching 100181 jokes and pictures!

The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was less than faithful. He hired a private investigator to follow her and in
less than a week, had all the information that he needed on the “other man”.

The husband convinced himself that his would still be a loving and trustworthy marriage had not this S.O.B. come onto the
scene. Being a man of the 90’s and all, he decided to handle the matter in what he judged to be sophisticated and business-like

He sent the following e-mail to his wife’s lover:

It has been brought to my attention that for some time now you have been carrying on an affair with my
wife. So that we may settle this matter in an intelligent fashion, please be at my office at 3 PM on Friday

The “other man” was highly amused by the husband’s formal manner and sent off the following reply at once:

Dear Sir,
I have received a copy of your mass mailing this morning. You may be advised that I will attend the
scheduled conference in your Office’s auditorium.

An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon. They
were in bed
getting ready to have sex for the first time and the old woman said I
should tell you I have
acute angina The old man says I hope so, you sure don’t have cute

There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment.
One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store.
He went up to the shop assistant and asked “Could I have a fucket
The assistant asked”Pardon sir?”.
“Can I have a fucket please?” Replied the man.
“Oh you mean a bucket!” The shop assistant replied.
The old man said “Yes, that’s what I said”. So the man paid for his
bucket and went into the antique shop.

In the antique shop he went to the cashier and asked –
“Can I have a cock please?”
The cashier looked very puzzled and asked “Pardon?”.
The man again asked “Can I have a cock please?”
The cashier replied “Oh you mean a clock! – yes certainly sir.”
So he paid for the clock and walked out of the shop.

The next stop was to the bakers. He went to the assistant and
asked “Can I have a bum please?”
The assistant said “Sorry sir what did you say?”.
So he repeated himself “Can I have a bum please?”.
The assistant said ” Oh right, you mean a bun!”.
The old man said “Yes that’s what I said in the first place.”
So the man bought a bun and walked out of the shop.

As he was walking down the street a little old lady came up to
him and asked “Excuse me sir, but do you know the time?”
The man replied “Yes certainly, hold my bum and fucket while
I get my cock out.”

Two gay male lovers were talking and Bob says to Jon, “I wish I had chest
hair like you” So the next day Bob goes to the doctor and asks for
something to grow chest hair. The doctor gives him something and he says
“It will work in about two months.” Two months later Bob has no hair on
his chest and back to the doctor he goes. The Doctor says, ‘Rub some
Vaseline on your chest, and in a week you will be growing hair.’ Jon comes
home that day seeing Bob rub Vaseline and asks “Why?” Bob says “to grow
chest hair” Jon says if Vaseline grows hair you would have a ponytail
comin’ out your ass!”

An American, Australian and Englishman where stranded together on a desert island. After many years together, one day the three men were walking on the beach when they saw an old bottle than had been washed up. Immediatley the American opened the bottle. There was a flash and a loud bang and a Genie appeared.
The Genie said “I have been trapped in that bottle for a 1000 years, and as a reward I will give you all one wish”
The American straight away said “I want to go back home to New York”
With a wave of the Genie’s hand, the American disappeared.
The Australian said “Please send me back to my home in Sydney”
“No Problem”, the Genie answered. And the Austrialian disappeared.
Suddenly there was a loud crash.
Behind the Genie and the Englishman, a giant pink elephant had just fallen out of the sky onto the beach.
The elephant picked himself up and looked around.
He then looked at the Genie and the Englishman and said apologetically, “Sorry chaps, I appear to be the wrong joke!”

© 2015