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Paddy was picked up on a rape charge. He was placed in a lineup
with ten other fellows and the accusing woman was escorted into
the room.
Paddy jumped forward, and screamed “That’s her! That’s her!
I’d recognize her anywhere!”.

Dear John,
I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement.
Won’t you fogive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart.
I was a fool, nobody can take your place. I love you.

All my love,

Belinda.

PS Congratulations on winning this week’s lottery.

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.
When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says “not yet.” A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says “not yet.”
Finally they say, “When can we see the baby!?”
And the mother says, “You’ll have to wait until the baby cries.” And they ask, “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?”
The new mother says, “because I forgot where I put it!”

Two men died and went to Heaven. St. Peter greeted them, and said “I’m sorry, gentlemen, but your mansions aren’t ready yet. Until they are, I can send you back to Earth as whatever you want to be.”
“Great!” said the first guy, “I want to be an eagle soaring above beautiful scenery!”
“No problem,” replied St. Peter, and POOF! The guy was gone. “And what do you want to be,” St. Peter asked the other guy.
“I’d like to be one cool stud!” was the reply. “Easy,” replied St. Peter, and the other guy was gone.
After a few months, their mansions were finished, and St. Peter sent an angel to fetch them back. “You’ll find them easily,” he says… “One of them is soaring above the Grand Canyon, and the other one is on a snow tire somewhere in Detroit!”

President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: Our largest
condom factory has exploded!” the American President cried, “My people’s
favourite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!”
“Bill, da Canadian pipple would be ‘appy to do anyt’ing wit’in der power
to ‘elp you,” replied the Prime Minister.
“I do need your help,” said Clinton. “Could you possibly send 1,000,000
condoms ASAP to tide us over?”
“Certainment! I get right on it!” said Chretien.
“Oh, and one more small favour, please?” said Clinton.
“Oui?”
“Could the condoms be red, white & blue in colour, at least 10″ long and
4″ in diameter?” said Clinton.
“No problem,” replied the Prime Minister and, with that, Chretien hung up
and called the President of Trojan Condoms.
“I need a favour, you got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send
‘dem to Hamerica.”
“Consider it done,” said the President of Trojan.
“Great! Now listen, dey hab to be bleu, blanc et rouge in colour; at
least 10″ long and 4″ in diameter.”
“Easily done. Anything else?”
“Yah,” said the Prime Minister, “an’ print ‘MADE IN CANADA, SIZE MEDIUM’
on each one.”



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