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Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on a very high scaffolding.
Suddenly, Steve falls off. He is killed instantaneously. After the
ambulance leaves with Steve’s body, Bob and Jeff realize they’ll
have to inform his wife.

Bob says he’s good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he
volunteers to do the job.

After two hours he returns, carrying a six-pack of beer. “So did
you tell her?” asks Jeff. “Yep”, replies Bob. “Say, where did
you get the six-pack?”

Bob informs Jeff. “She gave it to me.”

“WHAT??” exclaims Jeff, “you just told her her husband died
and she gave you a six-pack??”

“Sure,” Bob says. “WHY?” asks Jeff. “Well,” Bob continues,
“when she answered the door, I asked her, ‘are you Steve’s
widow?’ ‘Widow?’, she said, ‘no, no, you’re mistaken, I’m not a
widow!’ So I said: “I’ll bet you a six-pack you ARE!'”

A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says “Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bust-line forty four”.

Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her boobs grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what has happened, and in minutes they both return.

This time the husband crosses his fingers and says: “Mirror mirror on the door, make my “manhood” touch the floor!”. Again, there’s a bright flash and both his legs fall off.

Q: How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.

This particular Wizard worked in a modern factory. Everything was satisfactory except that certain miscreants took advantage of his good nature, and would steal his parking spot.
This continued until he put up the following effective sign: This parking space belongs to the Wizard…. Violators will be toad!

It was a few days before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back home. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols.

Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in a particularly good mood. (Almost a scrooge) Going to check in his luggage (which, for some reason, had become one suitcase with entirely new clothes), he saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and pointer parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way.

With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, he said to the attendant, “Even if we were married, I would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of mistletoe.”

“Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is.”

“Ok, I see that it’s above the luggage scale which is the place you’d have to step forward for a kiss.”

“That’s not why it’s there.”

“Ok, I give up. Why is it there?”

“It’s there so you can kiss your luggage good-bye.”

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