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These two men were cellmates at state penitentiary for nine years. One day
Larry said to Joe, “You know man its been a long time since we had some
sex so you oughta let me fuck you.” Joe replied. “Are you crazy?!!” Larry
went on to say, “I promise you that it won’t hurt and we’ll flip a coin
and see who fucks, who first. So, Joe thought about it for a minute and
finally agreed. They flipped a coin and Larry won. Still having strong
reservation Joe asked, “How will you tell if it hurts or not?” Larry told
Joe, “If it hurts you start making animal noises, and I’ll stop. But if it
feels good start singing.” Larry started the insertion and Joe screamed,
Moooooooo. Moooooo. Mooooon River……

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through one of the many
canyons when suddenly rising from the hill on their right are hundreds of
indians. They start to spur their horse forward when they realised that there
are hundreds of indians ahead of them. Wheeling to the left they, once
again, see hundreds of indians rising from the hill. They begin to back away
in the direction from which they had come and they realise, they were
surrounded. The indians had spread out. They were trapped.

The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto, his life long friend, and says “Tonto,
my firend, I think I must say that I have treasured our times together
but now I think we are doomed”.

” We?” replied Tonto “What’s all this we, Paleface?”

Yesterday my daughter and I drove to the babysitters house to pick up my two-year old son. We were about to get in the car to go home when I noticed a baby birds in a nest in a nearby bush.
I gently picked up one of the birds to show my daughter and my son. “See? It’s a baby,” I said, trying to calm down my son, who was scared of the little bird.
“I don’t want a baby, I don’t want a baby,” he was saying.
“He sounds just like his father,” my daughter replied!

What’s the range of a bagpipe?
Twenty yards if you have a good arm.

There was this guy walking down the road when he noticed a night club
ahead. He went in, went up to the bar and asked for a drink. The bar owner,
who was tending bar, said, “I’ve never seen you in her before.”

The guy says, “Yes, I’m not from around here. I’m just passing through on my
way to find a job.”

The owner asks, “What do you do?”

The guy says, “I write music and play the piano.”

The owner, looking excited says, “REALLY! I have an ad in the paper looking
someone to play my piano. Please sit down at the keyboard and play for me
if you’re interested.”

The guy does and as he plays the piano the owner is in awe of his talent
and musical abilities. The owner says, “You play the piano more beautifully
than anyone I have ever heard! What is the name of that song?”

The guy says, “I wrote that song and the name is Two Lesbians Fucking Their
Brains Out.”

The owner gasps and is taken back. He says, “My gosh, that’s a terrible name
for such a beautiful song. Do you know any others?”

The guy smiles and plays again. Once more the owner is astounded by this
guy’s talent and musical abilities. He’s almost afraid to ask but he does
ask what the name of the song he just played.

The guy answers, “I Fucked Her All Night Until She Couldn’t Take Anymore.”

The owner again was shocked. The owner says, “Ok, you play beautifully and
the songs you have written are incrediable. I will hire you, but you have
to promise not to tell the name of your songs to the patrons.” The guy

That night the guy was playing the piano and the crowd was just as amazed
as the owner was with this man’s musical abilities. After playing two
songs the crowd stood up and applauded. The guy was really pleased and
stood up to take a bow. When he stood up and faced the audience, it was
apparent that his zipper was open and his dick and balls were hanging out.

One of the patrons close to the piano says, “Sir, do you know your dick and
balls are hanging out?”

The guy smiles and says, “KNOW IT, I WROTE IT!”

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