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Lawyer: “Judge, I wish to appeal my client’s case on the basis of newly discovered evidence.”

Judge: “And what is the nature of the new evidence?”

Lawyer: “Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left.”

Three guys are riding horses.

1 Minnesota man, 1 Iowa man, and 1 Texas man.

Along the way the guy from texas takes out a bottle of wine, takes 1 sip throws it in the air, draws his pistol and shoots it.

The Iowa horseman asked, “Whatchya doin’ that fer, thaz good stuff!?!”

The Texan replies, “Well we got plenty of that where I come from.”

Later on the Iowa horseman takes out a bottle of whiskey, takes 1 sip, throws it in the air, draws his pistol and shoots it.

And the Minnesotan asked, “Why the hell’d you do that?!?! That’s reeeeaaaalll good stuff!”

And the Iowa guy replies, “Oh we got plenty of that where I come from.”

So the Minnesotan takes out a can of beer, slams it, shoots the guy from Iowa, and the Texan asked, “Why in the name of the holy father did you do that!?!?!”

The minnesotan replied, “We got plenty of them where i come from!”

(This won’t be as funny if you’re not from the great state of Minnesota.”

Mr. Dewey was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense.

“You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?”

The client replied that he did.

Then lawyer then asked, “Do you know what will happen if you don’t tell the truth?”

The client looked back and said, “I imagine that our side will win.”

How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Mac users don’t screw, they just click the genital icon.

A man goes hunting, sees a deer, and kills it. He takes ithome for his family to eat. His little girl asks, “dady, what are we havving for dinner tonight?”. The man replied, “i’ll give you a clue, its something that mummy calls daddy sometimes”. The little girl screamed and said “Dont eat it its a fucking asshole!!”



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