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Three men: a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot,
were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree.
Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves
standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St
Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.

“Gentlemen,” the Devil started, “Due to the fact that
Heaven is now overcrowded, therefore St Peter has agreed to
limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of
you can ask me a question which I don’t know or cannot
answer, then you’re worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not,
then you’ll come with me to Hell.”

The philosopher then stepped up, “OK, give me the most
comprehensive report on Socrates’ teachings,” With a snap
of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil.
The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct.
“Then, go to Hell!” With another snap of his finger, the
philsopher disappeared.

The mathematician then asked, “Give me the most complicated
formula you can ever think of!” With a snap of his finger,
another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The
mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was
correct. “Then, go to Hell!” With another snap of his
finger, the mathematician disappeared, too.

The idiot then stepped forward and said, “Bring me a
chair!” The Devil brought forward a chair. “Drill 7 holes
on the seat.” The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat
on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he
asked, “Which hole did my fart come out from?”

The Devil inspected the seat and said, “The third hole from
the right.”

“Wrong,” said the idiot, “it’s from my asshole.” And
the idiot went to Heaven.

Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: We’ve formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn
out, and figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the
bulbs work smarter, not harder.

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
“Well, how was the honeymoon?” asked the mother.
“Oh mamma!” she exclaimed. “The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic!”
No sooner had she spoken the words than she burst out crying. “But mamma . . . as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. He’s been saying things I’ve never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words! You’ve got to come get me and take me home… please mamma!”
“Now Sarah . . .” her mother answered. “Calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?”
“Please don’t make me tell you, mamma.” wept the daughter.
“I’m so embarrassed! They’re just too awful! You’ve got to come get me and take me home… please mamma!”
“Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset . . .
Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!”
Still sobbing, the bride replied, “Oh, mamma . . . words like dust, wash, iron, and cook!”

Police have found the body of a man in the Thames wearing a Chelsea shirt, womens underwear, fishnet stockings, suspenders and with an extra large dildo stuck up his arse. They have removed the Chelsea shirt to save the family any embarrassment …

Grandma Saperstein and Grandpa Rabinowitz are sitting on the veranda
of the old folks
home rocking back and forth in their rocking chairs. Grandpa
Rabinowitz rocks forward in
his chair and says to Grandma, “Fuck you!”
Grandma Saperstein rocks forward in her chair and says to Grandpa,
“Fuck you too!”
Grandpa becomes very much excited and shouts, “Fuck you!” swinging
more forward
again.
Grandma remains graceful but leans forward and says, “Fuck you again.”
This goes on for about 10 minutes. Finally Grandpa says, “You know
something,
Grandma, this oral sex thing ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.”



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