Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100181 jokes and pictures!


Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, “Honey, my hands are freezing!”
She says, “Well put them here between my legs and that will warm them up.”
After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says gain “Man! My hands are really freezing!”
She says again, “Well put them here between my legs and warm them up.”
He does, and again that warms him up.
After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood for the night.
When he returns, he again says, “Honey, my hands are really freezing!”
She looks at him and says, “FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, DON’T YOUR EARS EVER GET COLD?”

Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear
tire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, another car
goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug
nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain.

Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when
he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one of the
inmates has been watching the whole thing.

“Hey, pal! Why don’t you just take one lug nut off each of the other
three wheels? That’ll hold your tires on until you can get to a garage
or something.”

Jones is startled by the patient’s seeming rationality, but realizes
the plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident.
Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. “You know, that was
pretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?”

The patient smiles and says, “I’m in here because I’m crazy, not
because I’m stupid.”

What is a macho man?

After getting a blow job, he asks the woman,
‘Was it as good for you, as it was for me?’

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest
in his paintings on display at that time.

“I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good
news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and
wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When
I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”

“That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad
news?”

“The guy was your doctor.”

The company president called the chief security guard into his office.
“Chuck, we’ve received a complaint from one of the employees that you are
making obscene sexual comments and putting your hands where they don’t
belong. These unwanted advances will have to stop.” Chuck looked down at
his feet and mumbled, “I’m sorry, Sir. I won’t’ do it again.” The company
president said, “I’m sure Ms. Jones will be happy to hear that.” Chuck’s
face lit up. “Ms Jones?! I was afraid that Bob in Accounting was
complaining!”



© 2015 ijokedb.com