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What did the impatient helicopter say to its clumsy mechanic?

“Chop chop.”

Q: How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!

On the beach, how can you recognize a guy who uses an inflatable sex doll?
Instead of staring at the bikinis, he’s staring at the beach balls.

What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?

When the power goes off.

“How can I ever thank you?” gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles.

“My dear woman,” Darrow replied, “ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question.”

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