Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100181 jokes and pictures!


After a long, hot ride across the plains, the Lone Ranger and Tonto stopped to have a beer in a small town saloon. They tied their horses up, went in and ordered themselves a round.

A short while later a cowpoke came in and asked who the white horse outside belonged to. The Lone Ranger turned and said, “He’s mine.”

The man said that he should get his horse some water and shade because the horse wasn’t looking too good.

The Ranger said he’d take care of it. Some time (and a few more beers) had passed when another man came in, asked about the white horse and gave the same advice about water and shade. The Lone Ranger then told Tonto to go outside and run around and around the animal to cool him down. The Indian went outside.

After a few minutes another cowboy came in and inquired about the owner of the horse. The Lone Ranger, a bit irritable now, replied, “He belongs to me! So what?”

“Calm down,” the cowboy said, “I just wanted to tell you that you left your injun runnin’ .”

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes.”
The woman freed the frog and the frog said, “Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!”
The woman said, “That would be okay,” and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, “You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to.”
The woman replied, “That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me.” So, KAZAM – she’s the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, “That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you.”
The woman said, “That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine.” So, KAZAM she’s the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, I’d like a mild heart attack.”

There once were three men who were in an air balloon and the Japanese man said, “Lets throw whatever you have in your pockets out of the balloon.”

The other two men agreed and the Chinese man goes and throws a penny off of the balloon and sees a girl on the ground crying, so he says, “Whats wrong little girl?”

The girl says, “A penny hit me in the head from the sky.”

The Japenese man goes next, and he throws off a quarter and sees a little girl on the ground crying so he goes down and says, “Little girl, why are you crying?”

She says, “A quarter hit me in my head from the sky.”

The mexican goes last and he throws off a bomb and sees a little boy laughing really hard. Curious, he goes down to the little boy and asks, “Little boy, why are you laughing?”, and the lil boy says I farted and my house blew up.

The Letter D Pulls Out

LETTER D PULLS SPONSORSHIP FROM SESAME STREET
Noted Consonant Alienated By Controversial New Gay Muppet
NEW YORK–A spokesperson for the letter D announced Monday that the
consonant is withdrawing sponsorship from Sesame Street following a
Children’s Television Workshop announcement that a homosexual muppet
will soon join the show’s cast.
“The letter D is proud to have brought you many wonderful Sesame
Street episodes throughout the program’s 28-year history,” said
Patricia Willis, public-relations director for D. “But the letter D
does not condone the sort of morally questionable lifestyles that
Sesame Street is advocating with the introduction of this new
character. It can no longer in good conscience associate itself with
the show.” Willis said D’s withdrawal is effective immediately, and
applies to both capital and lower-case versions of the letter.
The gay muppet, “Bruce,” will be introduced on Sesame Street Dec. 23,
CTW director Leslie Charren said. Thus far, no other sponsors have
pulled out, though the number seven has requested an advance tape of
the episode before it makes a decision.
Many public-television insiders believe D’s withdrawal was motivated
by a desire not to alienate religious conservatives, a section of the
population that employs the letter frequently.
“D is for, among other things, demagoguery, dogma and doctrine, words
crucial to right-wing groups like the Christian Coalition,” said Yale
University political-science professor J. Wright Franklin. “It is
likely that D felt it could ill afford to offend such a large segment
of its users.”
While a long-term replacement for D has not yet been secured by Sesame
Street, the number three will temporarily fill in for it in a number
of the show’s animated shorts. Other pieces will simply skip from C to
E, with vocalists stretching out C into two syllables to match the
rhythm of the alphabet song.
Sesame Street is stung by the sudden departure of its longtime
supporter. Speaking to reporters, cast member Cookie Monster said: “Me
disappointed letter D choose to end relationship with Sesame Street
due to pressure from extremely vocal minority. We accused of endorsing
deviant lifestyle. Me say homosexuality natural, not immoral.
Diversity and enrichment. That’s good enough for me.” —————-
Q: How do you find Ronald McDonald on a nude beach?
A: It’s easy, he’s the one with the sesame seed buns!

* EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.

* SOCIABLE: Joins friends in a piss whether he has to or not.

* CROSS-EYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.

* TIMID: Can’t piss if someone’s watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.

* INDIFFERENT: All urinals being used, pisses in sink.

* CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on floor.

* WORRIED: Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.

* FRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up, down and across urinals, tries to hit fly or bug.

* ABSENT-MINDED: Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.

* CHILDISH: Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.

* SNEAK: Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in next stall will get blamed.

* PATIENT: Stands very close for a long while waiting, reads with free hand.

* DESPERATE: Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.

* TOUGH: Bangs pecker on side of urinal to dry it.

* EFFICIENT: Waits until he has to crap, then does both.

* FAT: Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in shoe.

* LITTLE: Stands on box, falls in, drowns.

* DRUNK: Holds right thumb in left hand, pisses in pants.

* DISGRUNTLED: Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.

* CONCEITED: Holds two-inch pecker like a baseball bat.

* RADICAL: Ignores urinal. Pisses on wall.



© 2015 ijokedb.com