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This guys is sitting at the end of a bar. Each time someone comes in
the door he says,
rapidly,”Tickle your ass with a feather?” At which point they usually
ask him what it was
he said, and he then says, “Terribly nasty weather.” They then go off
looking confused. A
drunk a few stools down observes this and finally says, “Say, buddy, I
see what’cher
doin’– you’re putting people on! When somebody comes in the door you
say, Tickle your
ass with a feather, and when they say, What did you say to me? you
say, terribly nasty
weather.” So the guy says to the drunk, “Yeah, it’s fun putting people
on. Come on down
here and you do the next one that comes in.” The drunk moves down to
the end of the bar.
In a few moments a person enters, and he says to her: “Stick a feather
up your ass? She

A driver tucked a note under her windshield wiper and dashed off:

“I’ve circled the block for 20 minutes. I’m late for an appointment,
and if I don’t park here I’ll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses.”

Returning, she came back only to find a parking ticket and this note:

“I’ve circled the block for 20 years, and if I don’t give you a ticket,
I’ll lose my job… Lead us not into temptation.”

Mommy, Mommy! Billy won’t let go of my ear.

Billy, let go of Susie’s ear.

Billy! Let go of her ear!

All right Billy, give me the ear.

Alan and his wife, Debbie, are working in the garden. Debbie bends over to rip up weeds.

‘Wow, Debbie,’ Alan says. ‘Your butt is getting really wide.’

‘No, it’s not!’ Debbie says.

Debbie walks towards the barbecue grill to throw the weeds in a trash can.

‘Your butt is getting so big that it’s almost wider than the grill!’ Alan says.

He gets a tape measure and measures Debbie and the grill.

‘Ha,’ Alan says. ‘Your butt’s the same exact size as the grill!’

Debbie ignores Alan’s comments and refuses to speak to him for three days. On the fourth night, they’re lying in bed watching television.

‘I could sure use some lovin’,’ Alan says.

Debbie looks over at him and yells, ‘Don’t think for one minute that I’m going to fire up this big grill for one little weenie!’

A man had a flat tire on a very cold winter day. He told his girl
friend he’d have it fixed in no time.
However as it was very cold his hands kept getting cold. He asked
his girl if he could put his hands between her knees to warm them.

She said that would be allright. After getting his hands warm he
went back to fixing the tire but it was so cold he could not
continue so he again asked his girl if he could warm his hands.

She again said it would be allright. When his hands were warm he
went back to fixing the tire once more. But before he been out
there five minutes or so he again asked her if he could warm his

His girl asked “Honey don’t your ears ever get cold?”

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