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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.

The Missing Toupee!
On a senior citizen bus tour, the driver was surprised. While the passengers were unloading to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in his ear, “Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!”
The driver didn’t think much of this complaint, but promised he would check into it soon.
Later, that very same day, as the passengers were unloading again, a second little old lady bent down and whispered in his ear, “Sir, I believe I was sexually harassed!”
This time, he knew it had to be taken care of soon.
A few passengers had remained on the bus, and he decided to go back and question them, to see if they had any knowledge of what was going on. He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor underneath the seats and stooped down to question him.
“Excuse me, sir, can I help you?”
The elderly man looked up and said, “Well, sonny, you sure can. I’ve lost my toupee and I’m trying to find it.
I thought I’d found it twice, but they were both parted in the middle…and mine’s parted on the side!”

Hemlock Stones, the not-yet-famous consulting detective, has just been called in to solve the mysterious murder at the Socratic Liar’s Club.

There are five suspects each of whom has sworn by the club oath to make two true statements and one false one whenever speaking to someone on the club’s premises.
From their recorded statements below, Hemlock Stones was able to determine ‘who dunit.’ Can you?
Professor: I did not kill Henley. I never owned a knife. Lance did it.
Ethel: I didn’t kill him. I don’t own a knife. The others are drunk.
Phoebe: I’m innocent. Lance is the killer. I don’t even know Dutch.
Lance: I’m innocent. Dutch is guilty. The Professor lied when he said I did it.
Dutch: I didn’t kill him. Ethel is the murderer. Phoebe and I are old friends.
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Ethel is the murderer.

When is it OK for a lady to slap a midget?

When they are slow dancing and he tells her how nice her hair smells.

There was this fisherman that always had a good day fishing.
His friend, the game warden, couldn’t figure out how he did
it, so one day the game warden decided to go fishing with
his friend. The fisherman took his friend the warden out
to his favorite spot. Once there, the fisherman took a
stick of dynamite out of his backpack, lit it, and threw
it into the water. The dynamite exploded and a dozen fish
floated to the top. The game warden said, “That’s illegal,
you can’t do that.”The fisherman goes, “Really?” He then
lights another stick of dynamite and throws it into the water.
The dynamite exploded, and a dozen more fish floated to the
top. The game warden said, “Stop that now, and take this
boat back to shore… I’m going to have to give you a citation
and confiscate all your gear.” The fisherman said,”Oh, really?”
He then lights another stick of dynamite, throws it into
the game warden’s lap, and said “You gonna sit there and
keep flapping your trap, or are you gonna fish?”



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