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Two starving homeless men are walking down an empty street in a quiet town.
they spy a dead horse on the side of the road and run towards it. the first
man begins to eat the horse, but the second man refuses, saying only that he
will wait. after the first man has eaten his fill they continue on down the
road. eventually the first man gets sick from the horse meat and throws it
up. the second man pulls out a napkin from his pocket and exclaims as he
sits down: “now THIS is what i’ve been waiting for! a hot meal!”

Radar: “Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees.”

Pilot: “Roger, but we are at 35,000 feet, how much noise can
we make up here?”

Radar: “Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 727 makes when it
hits a 747?”

Telegram received from ex-employee:

“Fuck you. I quit. Strong message to follow.”

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a stunningly beautiful young
woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight black
leather mini skirt with matching leather boots and jacket. As the bus
rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus, she became aware that
her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the
bus’ first step.

So, slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she
reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this
would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the
step onto the bus only to discover she still could not make the step.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her and
unzipped her skirt a little more. And for a second time she attempted the
step and once again, much to her dismay, she could not raise her leg
because of the tight skirt.

So, with a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the
offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make
the step.

About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her
up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.
The pretty young woman went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero,
screeching at him, “How dare you touch my body!! I don’t even know who
you are!!!!”

At this the Texan drawled, “Well ma’am, normally I would agree with you
but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind a figured that we was

Two men are talking. The first sez, “I got married because I was tired
of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearing
shabby clothes.”

“Amazing,” said the second, “I just got divorced for the very same

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