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The couple were leaving the cocktail party, where the husband, slightly flushed, had been the life of the party.
“John,” she said, “did anyone ever tell you how fascinating, how romantic, and how handsome you are?”
“No,” the man replied happily, looking at his wife, “I don’t think anyone ever did?”
“Well,” she snapped, “then where did you ever get the idea!!!”

As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside
a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab
salesman approached them carrying belts.

After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked
where they were from.

“America,” the husband replied.

Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded.
“She’s not from the States.”

“Yes I am.” said the wife. He looked at her and asked. “Is he
your husband?” “Yes.” she replied.

Turning to the husband, he offered….. “I’ll give you 100 camels
for her.” The husband looked stunned, and there was a long
silence. Finally he replied, “she’s not for sale.”

After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her
husband what took him so long to answer, to which the
husband replied, “I was trying to figure out how to get 100
camels back home.”

A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the
superior culture.

The Greek says, “We have the Parthenon”
The Italian says, “We have the Colosseum”
The Greek says “We had great Mathematicians”
The Italian says “We had the Roman Empire”

… and so on and so on and then the Greek says: “We invented sex”
The Italian says “That is true, but it was the Italians who
introduced it to women.”

So here I sit, in all my glory…
Lend me an ear, and I’ll tell ya a story…

I once had a wife – she was such a dear,
Then came the Net, and it all disappeared!

Now there she sits, for hours on end…
Don’t care where I’m goin’, don’t care where I’ve been.

It could be three, or it could be nine…
she really doesn’t care, long as she’s online.

She gets outta work and rushes home,
She comes in yelling at me, “Get off the phone!”

Where is the hug? Where is my kiss?
But she’s at the computer – that’s all she missed!

Talking to cyber friends, checking the mail
I might as well be in a Cyber Jail!

My stomach’s growling – it’s so unfair!
No clean dishes and no clean underwear!

Drink me a beer, stare at the walls
I’ll pick at my teeth and roam the halls,

Farting and burping what a sight to see…
Can you believe she’s there??
When she could be with ME!

The 75 year old man and his young, knockout wife were
shopping in an upscale jewelry boutique when the man’s
oldest friend bumped into him. Eyeing the curvaceous
blonde bending over the counter to try on a necklace,
the friend asked “How in the hell did YOU land a wife
like that?”
The old man whispered back, “Easy. I told her I was 90!”

© 2015