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A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I
know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was
disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the
poultry, so she complained to the butcher. “don’t worry, ya ,” he
said. “I’ll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the
time you finish shopping.”

Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher’s voice boom over
the public-address system: “Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts
please meet me at the back of the store.”

A muslim was sat next to an Australian on an aeroplane. After the plane had taken off the air hostess came over and asked for drinks orders. The Australian orders a ‘Jack Daniels’ and coke. The air hostess asks the muslim if he too would like a drink? Looking at the Australians drink, the muslim replies in disgust ‘Id rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores and had my head shoved up a sheeps arsehole, than let liquor pass my lips!’ The Aussie passes the drink back to the air hostess and sayes ‘Strewth, I didnt know we had a choice!’

How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Generally only one, but some rooms we can’t even get into since 1933.
How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Are you kidding?! Why would we let them do that?! The broken bulb is a national treasure, pointing to our rich, rich history and culture. No, we would rather build a shrine there, and charge admission to see the ‘ancient luminosity device’…hmmm, maybe we could even sell little figurines…
How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Actually they are afraid to do it…they think that if they remove the top layer bulb, that they will disturb the (presumed) earlier bulbs that are screwed in beneath the one that is currently showing…
How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it will take years and years of initial site study…we have to first correlate all the surrounding furniture and domestic devices, and then decide whether the anthropological theory about the bulb being a cultic object (based on its central location in the room, its being up out of reach–symbolizing transcendence, and its obviously sun-like shape) is a correct socio-economic understanding…
How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
All of them. One to change the bulb, and the rest of them to weep about what Thiering, Allegro, Baigent and Leigh will write about it…
How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
No amount of them can do it, but for an underground antiquities dealer it only takes 5 minutes…
How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
501–one to take the old bulb out, and 500 to proclaim that it confirms the biblical record…
How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
501–one to take the old bulb out, and 500 to proclaim that it dis-confirms the biblical record…(so much for the univocity of the archaeological record, eh?)
How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, actually, it only takes a couple to remove the old bulb, but then they get so involved in studying the old bulb (especially in trying to correlate its appearance with all other burned-out bulbs within a 1000 km radius), that they never get around to putting the new bulb in…

Q. Where is an elephants sex organ ?
A. In his feet. If he steps on you, you’re fucked !

St. Peter meets Mother Theresa at the Gates Of Heaven and says, “You were
a good woman. I’m giving you a nice halo.”
Mother Theresa is walking around Heaven when she sees Princess Di, and the
Princess has a much bigger halo.
Mother Theresa goes back to St. Peter and says, “St. Peter, I spent most
of my adult life helping the poor and the sickly. Princess Di did no where
near the amount of charitable work I did. Why does she have a bigger
halo?”
St. Peter says, “That’s not a halo. That’s a steering wheel.”



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