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How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time

Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix,
empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe,
humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug,
coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate,
nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice for, ply,
accessorize, leave, return, beseech, sublimate, entertain, charm,
lug, drag, crawl, show equality for, spackle, oblige, fascinate,
attend, implore, bawl, shower, shave, trust, grovel, ignore, defend,
coax, clothe, brag about, acquiesce, aromate, fuse, fizz, rationalize,
detoxify, sanctify, help, acknowledge, polish, upgrade, spoil, embrace,
accept, butter-up, hear, understand, jitterbug, locomote, beg, plead,
borrow, steal, climb, swim, nurse, resuscitate, repair, patch,
crazy-glue, respect, entertain, calm, allay, kill for, die for,
dream of, promise, deliver, tease, flirt, commit, enlist, pine,
cajole, angelicize, murmur, snuggle, snoozle, snurfle, elevate,
enervate, alleviate, spotweld, serve, rub, rib, salve, bite,
taste, nibble, gratify, take her places, scuttle like a crab on
the ocean floor of her existence, diddle, doodle, hokey-pokey,
hanky-panky, crystal blue persuade, flip, flop, fly, don’t care if
I die, swing, slip, slide, slather, mollycoddle, squeeze, moisturize,
humidify, lather, tingle, slam-dunk, keep on rockin’ in the free
world, wet, slicken, undulate, gelatinize, brush, tingle, dribble,
drip, dry, knead, puree, fluff, fold, blue-coral wax, ingratiate,
indulge, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize and
worship, and then go back, Jack, and do it again.

How to Satisfy a Man Every Time

Show up naked.

Q: What’s the difference between a hillbilly wedding and a hillbilly funeral?
A: There’s one less drunk at the funeral.

What’s dumb?
Directions on toilet paper.

What’s dumber than that?
Reading them.

Even dumber?
Reading them and learning something.

Dumbest of all?
Reading them and having to correct something you’ve been doing wrong.

Yo daddy’s hair so nappy Moses couldn’t part it.
Yo daddy so dumb he went to the bulls game and said which one am i riding.
Yo daddy so fat Alaska said, “I thought we were the biggest state.”
Yo daddy so fat he jumped in the air and got stuck.
Yo daddy so fat he put a blanket over the ocean and called it his waterbed!
Yo daddy so fat he walked outside with a yellow jacket on and everyone yelled “Taxi!”
Yo daddy so fat his parents had to take him to the Pacific Ocean to get him baptized.
Yo daddy so fat when he walks China has an earthquake.
Yo daddy so got damn dumb when somebody told him that it was chilly outside he came out with a bowl.
Yo daddy so old he has to stick his dick in the freezer to get it hard.
Yo daddy so old he knew burger king when he was a prince.
Yo daddy so old Jesus signed his yearbook.
Yo daddy so old that when he sneezes he sneezes dust.
Yo daddy so poor I saw him walking down the street kicking a cardboard box I asked what are you doing he said moving.
Yo daddy so poor that one day I seen him walking down the street with a can and I said what are you doing and he said moving.
Yo daddy so stupid he looked in the mirror and said someone in the house.
Yo daddy so stupid he stared at an orange juice bottle for 20 minutes because it said, “concentrate.”
Yo daddy so stupid he tried to throw a rock at the ground and he missed.
Yo daddy so stupid I told him if he guess how many dollars are in my pocket I will give him both of them he said three.
Yo daddy so ugly that he scared 3 blind people.

What do you call four sheep tied to a post in Cardiff (Wales)?
A leisure centre.

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