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The following are actual incidents reported…
#1
A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn’t getting many. Then, he discovered the problem – a 10-year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read “RADAR TRAP AHEAD”. The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading “TIPS” and a bucket full of change.
#2
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.
#3
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, “I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen’s Ball.”
He replied, “Highway patrolmen don’t have balls.”
There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he’d just said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car for several minutes.

There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.
The little girl says, “Mummy, what are they doing?” The mother hesitates then quickly replies, “Ummm they are making cakes.”
The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, “Making cakes.”
The next day the girl says to her mother, “Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night, eh?” Shocked, the mother asks, “How do you know?”
She says, “Because I licked the icing off the sofa.”

Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk

15. “They told me at the blood bank this might happen.”

14. “This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.”

13. “Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper”

12. “I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!”

11. “This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!”

10. “I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance”

9. “Actually I’m doing a “Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan” (SLEEP) I learned it at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.

8. “I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress.”

7. “Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.”

6. “The coffee machine is broken….”

5. “Someone must’ve put decaf in the wrong pot.”

4. “Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won’t wear off!”

3. “Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!”

2. “I wasn’t sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands.”

AND THE #1 BEST THING TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:

“Amen”

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheels in his pants and the bartender says u know u have a steering in ur pants and the pirate says arg its drivin my nuts crazy

A young ventriloquist is touring through the southern United States and stops to entertain at a small bar in Texas. He’s going through his usual stupid Redneck jokes, when a big burly guy in the audience stands up and says, “I’ve heard just about enough of your smart ass hillbilly jokes. We ain’t all stupid here in the South.”
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the big guy pipes up, “You stay out of this mister, I’m talking to the smart ass little fella on your knee.”



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