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McAteer arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered about the terminal with
tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was
already homesick.
“No,” replied McAteer. “I’ve lost all me luggage!” “How’d that happen?”
“The cork fell out,” said the Irishman.

Walkin’ Round in Women’s Underwear
(to be sung to “Walkin’ in a Winter Wonderland”)
Lacy things – the wife is missin,
Didn’t ask – her permission,
I’m wearin’ her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin’ round in women’s underwear.
In the store – there’s a teddy,
Little straps – like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin’ round in women’s underwear.
In the office there’s a guy named Marvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He’ll say, “Are you ready?” I’ll say, “Whoa, Man!”
“Let’s wait until our wives are out of town!”
Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress – like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade,
Walkin’ round in women’s underwear!

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are hiking. They hiked all day long and
then, having gotten tired, unpacked and quickly retired.

Holmes wakes up deep into the night, wakes Watson and says “Watson, do you
see the bright stars and do you notice how clear the sky is? What can you
deduce from it?”

Watson yawns and tries to play the game. “Well, this clearly tells us the
weather tomorrow is going to be dry and sunny.”

“No, my friend. It’s much simpler than that. Someone has stolen our tent.”

Confucius Say…
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
He who lives in glass house, dress in basement.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, lead to undoing of fly.
Better to be pissed off than pissed on.
He who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.
Boy who go to sleep with stiff problem wake up with solution in hand.
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day long.
Couple on 7 day honeymoon make hole weak.
Girl who sit on jockeys lap get hot tip.
Girl who sits on Judge’s lap gets honorable discharge.
Lady who go camping must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up woman’s leg not find nuts.
He who run behind bus get exhausted.
Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion.
Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.
He who fishes in others’ holes often catches crabs.
Man who puts dick in Peanut Butter jar is Fucking Nuts.

486 – The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
State-of-the-art – Any computer you can’t afford.
Obsolete – Any computer you own.
Microsecond – The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.
G3 – Apple’s new Macs that make you say ‘Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago.’
Syntax Error – Walking into a computer store and saying, ‘Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.’
Hard Drive – The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error.
GUI – What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced ‘gooey’)
Keyboard – The standard way to generate computer errors.
Mouse – An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.
Floppy – The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.
Portable Computer – A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.
Disk Crash – A typical computer response to any critical deadline.
Power User – Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.
System Update – A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.

© 2015