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Why do men pay more than women for car insurance?
Because women don’t get blowjobs while they’re driving.

Q: What do Israeli soldiers do when they get bored?
A: They go over to the West Bank & the Gaza Strip and get stoned.

(sung to the tune of “God Rest ye Merry Gentlemen”)

The restroom door said gentlemen so I just walked inside,
I took two steps and realized I’d been taken for a ride.
I heard high voices, turned and found the place was occupied
By two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse —
What could be worse
Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse?

The restroom door said gentlemen, it must’ve been a gag,
As soon as I walked in there I ran into some old hag,
She sprayed me with a can of mace and smacked me with her bag
I could tell it just wouldn’t be my day,
What can I say?
It just wasn’t turning out to be my day.

The restroom door said gentlemen, and I would like to find
The crummy little creep who had the nerve to switch the sign,
‘Cause I’ve got two black eyes and one high heel up my behind!
Now I can’t sit with comfort and joy…
Boy, oh boy!
No, I’ll never sit with comfort and joy

Three guys are driving down the street in a truck, their names are Fuck-you, Shit, and manners. So, their driving along, and everything is going nicely, when all of a sudden they hit a bump in the road and Shit falls out. Fuck-you stops the truck instantly in the middle of the road and has Manners go back to make sure Shit is alright, well he waits by the truck. Then, after a few minutes of being in the middle of the road waiting, a cop comes up and asks Fuck-you what he’s doing. Fuck-you answers:

“ehhh, I’m waiting for shit”

so the cop, now a little agitated says:

“What is your name sir?”

“Fuck-you”

“Excuse me? What the hell is your name?”

“Fuuck-yoou”

“SIR, where the hell are your manners?”

“Mmm…about half a block down the street picking up Shit”

One day the different parts of the body were having an
argument to see which should be in charge.

The brain said “I do all the thinking so I’m the most
important and I should be in charge.”

The eyes said “I see everything and let the rest of you
know where we are, so I’m the most important and I
should be in charge.”

The hands said “Without me we wouldn’t be able to pick
anything up or move anything. So I’m the most important
and I should be in charge.”

The stomach said “I turn the food we eat into energy for
the rest of you. Without me, we’d starve. So I’m the most
important and I should be in charge.”

The legs said “Without me we wouldn’t be able to move
anywhere. So I’m the most important and I should be in
charge.”

Then the rectum said “I think I should be in charge.”

All the rest of the parts said “YOU?!? You don’t do
anything! You’re not important! You can’t be in charge.”

So the rectum closed up. After a few days, the legs were all
wobbly, the stomach was all queasy, the hands were all shaky,
the eyes were all watery, and the brain was all cloudy.

They all agreed that they couldn’t take any more of this and
agreed to put the rectum in charge.

Today’s lesson: You don’t have to be the most important to be
in charge, just an a – – hole.



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