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Dec. 8 5:00 p.m. – It’s starting to snow, the first of
the season, and the wife and I took our buttered rum and sat
by the window watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging
to the trees and covering the ground. It was so beautiful.

Dec. 9 – We awoke to a big beautiful blanket of crystal
white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight.
Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantel.
I shoveled snow for the first time in years, and I loved it.
I did both our driveway and our sidewalks. Later the
snowplow came along and covered up our driveway with
compacted snow from the street. He smiled and I waved back.
I shoveled it again.

Dec. 12 – The sun has melted most of our lovely snow. Oh
well, I’m sure we’ll get a little more before this lovely
winter is over.

Dec. 14 – It snowed 8 inches last night and the temperature
dropped to about 0 degrees. Shoveled the sidewalk and
driveway again. Shortly the snowplow came by and did his
trick again.

Dec. 15 – Sold our car and bought a 4×4 Blazer so we could
get through the snow. Bought snow tires for the truck.

Dec. 18 – Fell on my Ass on the ice in the driveway. $23.00
to the chiropractor, but nothing was broken, thank God! The
damn sky is getting dark again.

Dec. 19 – Still cold (-10 this a.m.) Icy roads making for
very tough driving. Slid into a guard rail with my wife’s
car. Probably a $100.00 damage or so. She’s pissed-off.

Dec. 20 – Had another 14 inches of the white shit last
night. More shoveling in store for me today. That damned
snowplow came by twice.

Dec. 22 – We are assured of a white Christmas because
another 7 inches of that white shit fell today and with this
freezing weather it won’t melt till August! Got all dressed
up to go out and shovel that shit again. (Boots, snowsuit,
jacket, scarf, earmuffs, gloves, etc… ) then got the urge to
pee.

Dec 24 – If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives
that snowplow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his balls.
I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to
finish shovelling and then comes down the street 100 miles
an hour and throws that white shit everywhere.

Dec. 25 – MERRY CHRISTMAS… they predict 12 more inches of
the fucking white stuff tonight. Does anyone know how many
damned shovels full of snow 12 inches is? To hell with
Santa, he doesn’t have to shovel that white shit. The
snowplow driver came by asking for a donation. I hit him
with my ice axe.

Dec. 28 – We got 11 more inches. I must be going snowblind
or have a severe case of depression.

Dec. 29 – The toilet froze and the roof is starting to
cave-in. If you go outside, don’t eat the brown snow.

Dec. 30 – I torched the damned house… moving back to
Florida!

Three nuns die and are at the gates of heaven and St. Peter pops up and says “Before you enter heaven you must each answer one question correctly”.
The first Nun was asked “Who was the first man on earth?” to which she replied “Adam” and was allowed into heaven.
The second Nun was asked “Who was the first woman on earth?” to which she replied “Eve” and was allowed into heaven.
The third Nun was asked “What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?” to which she replied “Ohh! That’s a hard one”

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.
He says,”What are you doing?”
She answers, “I’m moving to Las Vegas. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free!”
Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he’s going, he replies…
“I’m going to Vegas too. I want to see you live on $800 a year!”

What sits at the bottom of the ocean and shakes?
A nervous wreck.

So you don’t know Jack Schitt
He’s the only son of Awh Schitt and Oh Schitt.
Awh Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Oh Schitt, the owner of
the Kneedeep Schitt
Inn. Jack Schitt, their first, passed on shortly after birth. Next
came twin sons, Deep
Schitt and Dip Schitt, two daughters, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt,
and another son,
Bull Schitt. Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
Dip Schitt married
Lotta Schitt, and they have a son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and
Giva Schitt, married the
Happens brothers. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg Schitt, Byrd
Schitt and Horace
Schitt. Bull Schitt just married a spice number, Pisa Schitt, and they
are awaiting the
arrival of Baby Schitt. So now you know Jack Schitt.



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