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Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie,
each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales
begins.
The first says, “I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why,
just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men
before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands.”
The second can’t stand to be bested. “Why that’s nothing. I was walking
down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a
rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit
its head off, and sucked the venom down in one gulp. And I’m still here
today.”
The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his
penis.

How many government agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb. All you saw was a reflection from swamp gas.

1. If you’re bidding on a job for UPS, don’t send your bid by FedEx.

2. If your computer says, “Printer out of Paper,” this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the “OK” button.

3. If you want your refrigerator’s ice maker to work, you need to hook it to a water source. Air doesn’t make good ice unless it is mixed with water.

4. No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get heavier.

5. A bad place to store your emergency backup diskette is on the underside of your desk drawer, secured by a large magnet.

6. It’s okay to use the Polaroid Land Camera on a boat.

7. When the PC says, “Insert diskette #2,” don’t do it immediately. Remove disk #1 first, even if you’re sure you can make them both fit in there.

8. When your PC says “You have mail,” don’t go to the company mail room and look for a package.

9. The French version of Netscape Navigator doesn’t translate English language web pages into French.

10. If you’re in the armed services, and it’s April 1st, and you get an e-mail message to call Colonel Sanders for new orders, don’t.

11. If you go to the computer store to buy a mousepad, you don’t have to specify whether it’s for a Windows or a Macintosh.

An elderly couple, living apart, had been dating
for several years. One day Elmer said to Betsy,
“We should stop this nonsense. We are paying two
rents, two car insurance payments, buying separate
food and cooking separate meals. We should just
move in together.

Betsy: Whose house would we live in?
Elmer: Mine, it is already paid for.
Betsy: Whose car would we keep and pay insurance on?
Elmer: Yours, it is newer and runs better than mine.
Betsy: Who would do the cooking?
Elmer: You cook and I’ll do the dishes.
Betsy: What about sex?
Elmer: Infrequently.
Betsy: Is that one word or two?

Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys, back on the ranch, about his first visit to a big-city church.
“When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral,” Joe began.
“You mean the parking lot,” interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow.
“I walked up the trail to the gate,” Joe continued.
“The sidewalk to the door,” Charlie corrected him.
“Inside the door, I was met by this dude,” Joe went on.
“That would be the usher,” Charlie explained.
“Well, the usher led me down the chute,” Joe said.
“You mean the aisle,” Charlie said.
“Then he led me to a stall and told me to sit there,” Joe continued.
“Pew,” Charlie retorted.
“Yeah,” recalled joe. “That’s what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her.”



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