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A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?”

The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.

The man repeats himself: “W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?” Again, the clerk doesn`t answer him.

The guy asks several more times: “W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?”

And the clerk just seems to ignore him. Finally, the guy is angry and storms off.

The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, “why wouldn`t you answer that guy’s question?”

The clerk answers, “D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!”

A visiting conventioneer from Saskatchewan walked into a bar in Greenwich
Village and sat next to a rather attractive woman.
“Hi,” he said, “I’m new in town. Can I buy you a drink?”
“Get lost,” she remarked, “I am Lesbian.”
“Oh, really?” he asked, “How are things in Beiruit?”

One day, Clinton called the White House interior decorator into the Oval Office.
He was very furious and said, “Chelsea is very upset because she thinks she has the ugliest room in the entire White House; I want something done about it immediately!”
Yes Sir, Mr. President,” the interior decorator replies.
“I’ll take those mirrors out right away!”

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, ” When I am worried about getting nervous
on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I
start to get nervous, I take a sip.”
So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note
on the door:

1. Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and
the spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say
he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, “take this and
eat it for it is my body.” He did not say ” Eat me”
12. The Virgin Mary is not called ” Mary with the Cherry,.
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for
the grub, Yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter’s not a
peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.

This aussie caught this Kiwi having a bit of fun with a sheep…..

“Mate”, the aussie said, “Over there we shear them”.
The kiwi replied, “Mate, I’m not shearing this with innyone”



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