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Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked
a young engineer fresh out of MIT, “And what starting salary were you
looking for?”

The engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending
on the benefits package.”

The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a package of
5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company
matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased
every 2 years – say, a red Corvette?”

The Engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow! Are you kidding?”

And the interviewer replied, “Yeah, but you started it.”

Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room.

Doctor: Tell him I can’t see him now. Next.

Amnesia: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to become romantic again.
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Family Planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.
Feedback: The inevitable result when your baby doesn’t fully appreciate the strained carrots.
Full Name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Independent: What we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.
Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.

How many philosophers of language does it take to change a light bulb?
None–we can’t see the referent through the opacity of the phrase ‘light bulb’.
How many phenomenologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only a couple, but by the time they get through with it, the 100-watt bulb has been reduced to a night light.
How many skeptics does it take to change a light bulb?
Actually, they won’t do it–they have no sense of urgency about the situation–they aren’t sure they’re really in the dark…
How many modal logicians does it take to change a light bulb?
In WHICH world?
How many fatalists does it take to change a light bulb?
None, why fight it?
How many Anselmists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one is NECESSARY.
How many Aristotelians does it take to change a light bulb?
Exactly four (it’s a causality thing)

An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phoney beard sat
down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked,
“Going to a party?”
“Yeah,” the man answered, “I’m supposed to come dressed as my love life.”
“But you look like Abe Lincoln,” protested the barkeep.
“That’s right. My last four scores were seven years ago.”

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