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Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks, and
insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, I stopped at a
toy store to pick up a gift for my son. I brought my selection – a
baseball bat – to the cash register. “Cash or charge?” the clerk asked.

“Cash,” I snapped. Then, apologizing for my rudeness, I explained,
“I’ve spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau.”

“Shall I giftwrap the bat?” the clerk asked sweetly. “Or are you going
back there?”

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of
Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and
offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the
horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few
minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from
the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the
local service station, yelled one final, “Yahoo!” and rode off. “What did
you do to get that Indian so excited?” asked the service station
attendant. “Nothing,” shrugged the woman, “I merely sat behind him on the
horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I
wouldn’t fall off.” “Lady,” the attendant said, “Indians ride bareback…”

Why is a man at his smartest when he is having sex?

Because he’s plugged into a woman!

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to “instruction manuals

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