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Teacher says to class ‘What does your dad do at weekends?’ Little Johnny says ‘My dads a dancer in a gay bar and sometimes if the moneys right he lets punters bang his arse and cum in his mouth.’ Teacher takes him outside ‘is that true?’ Little Johnny replies ‘No miss, its bollocks. He plays for England but im too embarrased to say.’

The following was contributed by Emil:

A man walks into a pub, sits down at the bar, and says to the barman,
“cor! I’ve just had my first blow-job and it was great! – I’ll have a
large whiskey please, barman.” The man takes his whiskey and downs it.
“Same again?” asks the barman. “Okay” says the man and downs the second.
He then orders a third and a forth and downs them both.In fact in total
he downs 27 whiskeys. “Do you want another?” asks the barman. “No I don’t
think so”, says the man, “If 27 whiskeys won’t take away the taste
I don’t think that another one will!”

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something
about his girlfriend being out in the car.
The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her.
When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk’s buddy, Pete, and his
girlfriend going at it in the back-seat. The bartender shook his head and
walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good
idea to check on his girlfriend.
The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw Pete and his girlfriend
entwined, then walked back into the bar laughing. “What’s so funny?” the
bartender asked.
“That damned Pete!” the drunk chortled, “He’s so drunk, he thinks he’s

A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over. He walks up
to the car and sees a nice-looking woman is driving and smells liquor on
her breath. He says, “I’m going to have to give you the breathalyzer test
to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol.” She blows up the
balloon and he walks over to the police car.
After a couple of minutes comes back and says, “It looks like you’ve had a
couple of stiff ones.” She replies “You mean it shows that, too?”

You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, “What’s this?”, you realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox.

A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, “I waited on the last fat ugly old lady. This one’s your turn”. Your boss was standing behind you. It’s his wife.

While your boss is at lunch, you sneek in and look at some confidential information on his computer. You spill coffee on the keyboard. It shorts out.

You return from a week’s vacation to find that you had scheduled *this* week as vacation, not last week.

You take a “sick” day. The next morning the boss asks you, “So, how was the fishing on Rock Creek yesterday?”.

You wake up hung over. You have a black eye and barked knuckles. Your underwear is missing. You’re in jail. Last night was the company Christmas party.

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