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Four men got together at a reunion. All of them had sons and they started
discussing them.The first man said his son was doing so well, he now owned
a factory, manufacturing furniture. Why, just the other day he gave his
best friend a whole house full of brand new furniture.

The second man said his son was doing just as well.He was a manager at a
car sales firm. Why, just the other day he gave his best friend a Ferrari.

The third man said his was doing well too.He was a manager at a bank.
Why,just the other day he gave his best friend a the money to buy a house.

The fourth man just shook his head. He said his son was gay and hadn’t
amounted to much.But he must be doing something right because,
just the other day he was given a house, furniture and a Ferrari
by his friends!

A man goes to his doctor for his annual physical complaining of all kinds of mysterious ailments — lack of sleep, no drive, very
little appetite, nervous, etc. After a complete exam, the doctor can find nothing physically wrong and suspects the man is
suffering from depression. The two had been friends for many years, so the doctor did not hesitate to ask the man about his
personal life.

“Well, if you must know,” said the patient, “I cannot stand my wife. She’s made my life unbearable. I fantasize all
the time about killing that damn witch. In fact, if you are truly my friend, you’ll give me some kind of untraceable
poison to give her, so I may end my misery.”

The doctor explained that not only was that illegal, it would in fact, violate his oath to save lives. He said, “Besides, you’ll get
life in prison yourself, at best. I’ll tell ya what though, I can give you this powerful aphrodisiac to slip into her
coffee. You can then ‘love her to death’. No jury in the world is going to convict a man for loving his wife too
much. She’ll be gone in a month at best.”

The man blessed the doctor, went home and started putting the love elixir in his wife’s coffee the very next morning. Three
weeks later, the doctor hasn’t heard a word from his friend, and becomes concerned. After office hours, he stops by his friend’s
house to see if all is well. He finds his friend sitting on the sun deck, wrapped in a blanket, even though it’s a warm Spring day.
The man’s face was gaunt and pale, he’d lost Lord knows how much weight,and looked terrible. The doctor asked, “What
the Hell happened ???”

The man said, “I followed your advice to the letter. That woman and I made love like a pair of crazed rabbits, day
and nite.” Then, he chuckled, causing a terrible wheeze. Just then the wife appeared from inside the house. All slim and trim
and dressed in tennis clothes; smiling, she said she was off for a few sets of tennis. As she leaped into her new sports car, her
husband cackled and said to the doctor, “Look at that dumb crazy bitch. She hasn’t a lick of sense. If she only knew
she has less than a week to live she wouldn’t be so God damn frisky.”

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It don’t matter what you call him, he ain’t commin’!

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding
her hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: “Pardon me, madam. I do not
intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing
up in this high wind?”
“Yes, I know,” said the lady, “I need both hands to hold onto this hat.”
“But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!”
said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down,
then back up at the man and replied, “Sir, anything you see down there
is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!”

Comment: AVERAGE
Really Means: Not too bright.

Comment: EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED
Really Means: Has committed no major blunders to date.

Comment: ACTIVE SOCIALLY
Really Means: Drinks heavily.

Comment: QUICK THINKING
Really Means: Offers plausible excuses for errors.

Comment: INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION
Really Means: Knows more than superiors.

Comment: STERN DISCIPLINARIAN
Really Means: A real jerk.

Comment: APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC
Really Means: Finds someone else to do the job.

Comment: A KEEN ANALYST
Really Means: Thoroughly confused.

Comment: EXPRESSES SELF WELL
Really Means: Can string two sentences together.

Comment: DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP
Really Means: Has a loud voice.

Comment: JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND
Really Means: Lucky.

Comment: KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR
Really Means: Knows lots of dirty jokes.

Comment: SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE
Really Means: Stupid.

Comment: ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS
Really Means: An office gossip.

Comment: ENJOYS JOB
Really Means: Needs more to do.

Comment: HAPPY
Really Means: Paid too much.

Comment: CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN
Really Means: Pain in the ass.

Comment: USES TIME EFFECTIVELY
Really Means: Clock watcher.

Comment: USES RESOURCES WELL
Really Means: Delegates everything.

Comment: DESERVES PROMOTION
Really Means: Create new title to make him or her feel appreciated.



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