Joke's Database
Have fun searching 100181 jokes and pictures!

What did one cloned sheep say to the other?
“I am ewe.”

Some things I’ve learned from my children:
Super glue “is” forever.
No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water. Pool filters “do not like Jell-O!”
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of 20 by 20 foot room.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. And the glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a
baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.
VCR’s do not eject peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.
Always look in the oven before you turn it on. It’s been proven that plastic toys do not like ovens.
Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will however make cats dizzy. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.


At 17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
25 “Split the check before we go back to my place”
35 “Just come over.”
48 “Just come over and cook.”
66 Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.

Some Words of Wisdom…
The gene pool could use a little chlorine. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once. I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. Your kid may be an honor student, but you’re still an idiot. If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat? Few women admit their age and few men act theirs. I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better. LOVE: Two vowels, two consonants, and two fools. According to my calculations, the problem doesn’t exist. Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them. Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have. Forget about world peace…Visualize using your turn signal. WARNING: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear. Give me ambiguity or give me something else. We have enough youth. How about a Fountain of Smart? Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot. He who laughs last thinks slowest. Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else. LOTTERY: A tax on people who are bad at math. PURITANISM: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. CONSCIOUSNESS: That annoying time between naps. We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. There are 3 Kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can’t. Why is “abbreviation” such a long word? Ever stop to think, and then forget to start again? DIPLOMACY: The art of saying “nice doggie!” until you can find a rock. Lead me not into temptation…I can find it myself.

What does a lesbian think the string on the end of a tampoon is for?

For flossing after eating.

© 2015