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Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren’t
prepared for the answer:

In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his
first witness to the stand – a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He
approached her and asked, “Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?” She
responded, “Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since
you were a young boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment
to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk
about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you
haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more
than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”

She replied, “Why yes, I do. I ‘ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He
can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is
one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on
his wife with three different women, one of whom was your wife. Yes, I
know him.” The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and in a very
quiet voice said, “If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me,
I’ll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt.”

A Scoutmaster was teaching his Boy Scouts about survival in the Alaskan wilderness. “What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost alone in the woods?” he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were mentioned, such as water, matches, etc.

Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand. “Yes, Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring?” asked the Scoutmaster. Timmy replied, “A compass, food, and a deck of cards.” “Why’s that, Timmy?” the Scoutmaster inquired. “The compass is to find the right direction, and the food is to maintain you during the rescue.” “And what about the playing cards, Timmy?” asked the Scoutmaster impatiently.

“Well, sir, as soon as you start playing solitaire, someone always walks up behind you and says, “Put that red nine on top of that black ten!”

What goes “click click, Is that it?, click click, Is that it?”

Steveie Wonder doing a rubik’s cube

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
No one knows. Its never happened.

Q:What did the man say when he walked into a bar?

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