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A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he
could buy him a drink.
“Why of course,” comes the reply.
The first man then asks: “Where are you from?”
“I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man.
The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s
have another round to
Ireland.”
“Of course,” replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: “Where in Ireland are you from?”
“Dublin,” comes the reply.
“I can’t believe it,” says the first man. “I’m from Dublin too! Let’s
have another drink to
Dublin.”
“Of course,” replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: “What school did you
go to?”
“Saint Mary’s,” replies the second man, “I graduated in ’62.”
“This is unbelievable!”, the first man says. “I went to Saint Mary’s
and I graduated in ’62,
too!”
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
“What’s been going
on?” he asks the bartender.
“Nothing much,” replies the bartender. “The O’Mally twins are drunk
again.”

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career, so they decided to do a small test.
They took a ten-dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table… then they hid, pretending they were not at home.
The father’s plan was: “If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be a priest, but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I’m afraid our son will be a drunkard.”
So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive. The son saw the note they had left.
Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.
After that, he took the bible, flicked through it, and took it.
Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality …then he left for his room, carrying all three items.
The father slapped his forehead, and said: “Darn, it’s even worse than I could ever have imagined.. ” “Our son is going to be a politician!”

If god had wanted us to run around naked,
we would have been born that way.

You may have heard that a New Zealand man had a hand transplant.
Guess what? His penis rejected it!

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out “GREEN SIDE UP!”.

In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled “GREEN SIDE UP!”.

The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled “GREEN SIDE UP!”.

The lady then asked him, “Why do you keep yelling ‘green side up’?”.

“I’m sorry,” came the reply. “But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.”



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