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Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this

Juror: I don’t want to be away from my job that long.

Judge: Can’t they do without you at work?

Juror: Yes, but I don’t want them to know it.

Do you know how to keep an idiot in suspense?

I’ll let you know tomorrow.

A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an
apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she
looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So
the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man.

She asks: “You come every day to the wall. How long have you
done that and what are you praying for?”

The old man replies, “I have come here to pray every day for 25
years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the
brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea and I come
back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from
the earth.”

The journalist is amazed. “How does it make you feel to come
here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?” she

The old man looks at her sadly. “Like I’m talking to a wall.”

I got a sweater for Christmas, but I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

Little Johnny’s teacher decided that the children should learn about mime, so she had each of them develop a speech, which was to be relayed by using motion only. When Little Johnny’s turn came, he stood up in front of the class:
“Ladies (grabbing chest) and gentlemen (grabbing crotch)…” Little Johnny’s teacher wasn’t amused, so she sent him to the Principal’s office. Johnny explained what happened, so the sympathetic Principal told him to revise his speech as follows:
“Ladies (motioning woman’s curves) and gentlemen (making a muscle with his arm)…”
Little Johnny went back to class and proceeded to give his speech again: “Ladies (motioning woman’s curves) and gentlemen (making a muscle with his arm), it gives me great pleasure (whacking-off motion)…”

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