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Employer: “In this job we need someone who is responsible.”

Applicant: “I’m the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

I dont worry about terrorism, I was married for 12 years!

How do you make a cat drink?

1 cat
2 lemons
Vodka

Mix then serve

California Driving Test Answers

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given
by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school (read
at Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can’t see my license plate.

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop
at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying
“Guns don’t kill people. I do.”

Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your
car?
A: Always wear a condom.

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.

Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too shit faced to find your keys.

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk
driving?
A: I’d probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no
longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave “hello” if he/she is cute.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light
and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.

Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
A: It would be tough to be a dickhead all day long.

Your Momma sooo ugly, when she go to the beach the tide don’t come in!
Your Momma so dirty, when she stand next to a building she look like an alley!
Your Momma so poor, she go to Mcdonalds to put a shake on layaway!
Your Momma so dumb, she called information to ask for the number to 911!
Your Momma so fat her belt size says “equator”.



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