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Yo momma so old and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, “Li’l Mary will never amount to anything”.
Yo momma so old even God calls her mother!
Yo momma so old god sent her to hell cause she didn’t pay him back.
Yo momma so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it.
Yo momma so old her social security number is 1!
Yo momma so old I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.
Yo momma so old she farts dust.
Yo momma so old she gotta picture with her and Jesus on a seesaw.
Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
Yo momma so old she has Jesus beeper number!
Yo momma so old she knew Burger King when he was a prince.
Yo momma so old she knew Mr. Clean when he had an afro.
Yo momma so old she owes Jesus 3 bucks!
Yo momma so old she ran track with dinosaurs.
Yo momma so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.
Yo momma so old she uses to gangbang with the Hebrews.
Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
Yo momma so old she was Jesus Wet Nurse
Yo momma so old she’s blind from the big bang
Yo momma so old that when God said let be the light, she hit the switch.
Yo momma so old that when she was in school there was no history class.

There is a new virus. The code name is WORK.

If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail, or from
anyone else, do not touch it under any circumstances.

This virus wipes out your private life completely.

If you should happen to come in contact with this virus, take five friends
and go straight to the nearest bar. Order drinks immediately and after
three rounds, you will find that WORK has been completely deleted from your

Forward this virus warning immediately to at least five friends.

Should you realize you do not have five friends, this means you are already
infected by this virus and WORK already controls your life.

If this is the case, go to the bar and stay until you make at least five

I think I have five friends, but am not entirely positive so I’m headed for
the bar anyway…it never hurts to be safe.


Damn…did you see the size of that front tooth gap she had? Yeah…I
didn’t know wether to smile back or kick a field goal!

“Shhaaayyy, buddy, what’s a ‘Breathalyzer’?” asked one drunk
to his friend at the next barstool.

“Well, I’d have to say it’s a bag that tells you when you’ve drunk
way too much,” answered the equally wasted gent.

“Ah hell, whaddya know? I’ve been married to one of those for
years and years now!”

1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it’s cute.
3. Why don’t we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It’s OK, we’ll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no… a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won’t take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the ‘early bird’.

© 2015