Joke's Database
Have fun searching 100181 jokes and pictures!

An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, “Are you a real cowboy?”

“Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences… I guess I am,” replied the cowboy.

After a short while he asked her what she was.

“I’ve never been on a ranch so I’m not a cowboy,” said the young woman, “but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women. When I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women.”

A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink. A couple sat down next to him and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?”

“I always thought I was, but I just found out that I’m a lesbian.”

Two senior couples are walking along, wives in front, husbands in
back. Herb says to Sam, “Gee, we went to a new restaurant last night
and had the best meal ever. Good prices too.”

Sam says, “Well, we like to eat out too. What was the name of the

Herb says, “You’ll going to have to help me out here a little. What’s
the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, grows on a thorny bush?”
Sam says, “How about rose?”

“Yes, yes, that’s it!” cries Herb, then calls ahead to his wife.
“Rose. Hey, Rose. What was the name of the restaurant we ate at last

AUG. 12 Moved to our new home in Ohio. It is so beautiful here. The
hills are so majestic. I can hardly wait to see them with snow covering
them. I love it here.

OCT. 14 Ohio is the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves are turned
all the colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the
beautiful hills and saw some deer. They are so graceful, certainly they
are the most wonderful animal on Earth. This must be paradise. I love it

NOV. 11 Deer season will start soon. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to
kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will snow soon, I love it here.

DEC. 2 It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in
white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off
the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won), and
when the snowplow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What a
beautiful place. I love Ohio.

DEC. 12 More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trick
again to the driveway. I love it here.

DEC. 19 More snow last night. Couldn’t get out of the driveway to get to
work. I am exhausted from shoveling. Fucking snowplow.

DEC. 22 More of that white shit fell last night. I’ve got blisters on my
hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow hides around the corner and
waits till I’m done shoveling. Asshole.

DEC. 25 Merry Fucking Christmas! More friggen snow. If I ever get my
hands on that sonofabitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I’ll kill the
bastard. Don’t know why they don’t use more salt on the roads to melt the
fucking ice.

DEC. 27 More of that White Shit last night. Been inside for 3 days except
for shoveling out the driveway after that snowplow goes through every time.
Can’t go anywhere, cars stuck in a mountain of that White Shit. The
weatherman says to expect another 10″ of the shit again tonight. Do you
know how many shovels full 10″ of snow is?

DEC. 28 The fucking weatherman was Wrong. We got 34″ of that white shit
this time. At this rate it won’t melt before the middle of next summer.
The snowplow got stuck up the road and that bastard came to the door and
asked to borrow my shovel. After I told him I had broken six shovels
already shovelling the white shit he pushed into my driveway, I broke my
last one right over his Fuckin’ Head!

JAN. 4 Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food
and on the way back damned deer ran out in front of the car and I hit it.
Did about $3000.00 worth of damage to the car. Those fucking beasts should
be killed. Wished the hunters had got them all last November.

MAY 3 Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the
motherfucker is rusting out from all the goddamn salt they put on the

MAY 10 Moved to Florida. I can’t imagine anyone in their right mind
wanting to live in the God-forsaken state of Ohio.

Paddy was picked up on a rape charge. He was placed in a lineup
with ten other fellows and the accusing woman was escorted into
the room.
Paddy jumped forward, and screamed “That’s her! That’s her!
I’d recognize her anywhere!” .

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?

Dentist: $100.00.

Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work?

Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you like.

© 2015