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A fellow getting a shave asked the barber if he had another

“Why?” asked the barber, “Is there something wrong with this

“I don’t know.” replied the customer. “But I would appreciate a
chance to defend myself.”

Q: What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
A: Sanka. And what kind of lettuce? Iceberg.

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

*** Real courtroom transcipts…courtesy of real idiots. ***
( Oops! My brain just hit a bad sector. )
Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
A. No, I said he was shot in the LUMBAR region.
Q. Are you married?
A. No, I’m divorced.
Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
A. A lot of things I didn’t know about.
Q. Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
A. No.
Q. What was he doing with the dog’s ears?
A. Picking them up in the air.
Q. Where was the dog at this time?
A. Attached to the ears.
Q. And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. O.K.?
What school do you go to?
A. Oral.
Q. How old are you?
A. Oral.
Q: Do you drink when you’re on duty?
A: I don’t drink when I’m on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.
Q: What can you tell us about he truthfulness and veracity of this defendant?
A: Oh, she will tell the truth. She said she’d kill that sonofabitch- and she did!
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

A boy is about to go on his first date, and his father gives him the following advice: “If you ever don’t know what to talk about, just remember the three F’s: food, family, and philosophy. You can always start a conversation about one of those subjects.”
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy’s nervousness builds. He remembers his father’s advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: “Do you like potato pancakes?” She says “No,” and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father’s suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, “Do you have a brother?” The girl says “No,” and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father’s advice and asks the girl: “If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?”

© 2015