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Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called
into the personnel director’s office. “What is the meaning of
this?” the director asked. “When you applied for this job, you
told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this
is the first job you’ve ever held.”

“Well,” the young man replied “in your advertisement you said
you wanted somebody with imagination.”

Teacher: What can we do to stop polluting our waters?
Pupil: Stop taking baths?

Seventy year old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests
came back with great results. Dr. Smith said, “George everything looks
great physically. How are you doing mentally, emotionally and are you at
peace with your self and have a good relationship with God?”
George replied, “God and me are tight. We are so close that when I get up
in the middle of the night, poof!…the light goes on and I go to the
bathroom and then poof! the light goes off!”
“Wow,” commented Dr. Smith, ‘That’s incredible!”
A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George’s wife. “Thelma,” he
said, “George is just fine. Physically he’s great. But I had to call you
because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets
up during the night and poof! The light goes on in the bathroom and then
poof! The light goes off?”
Thelma replied, “Oh God! He’s peeing in the fridge again!”

A football coach walked into the locker room before a big game, looked over to his star player and said, “I’m not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we really need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play.”
The player agreed, so the coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, – “Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this: What is two plus two?”
The player thought for a moment and then answered, “4?” “Did you say 4?!” the coach exclaimed, excited that he had given the right answer.
Suddenly, all the other players on the team began screaming, “Come on coach, give him another chance!”

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling
your name?
You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.

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