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A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of the
Scottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary about
the way of life there.

REPORTER:

Hello there, excuse me, I’m from the BBC and I’m gathering
material for a documentary about the way of life in the
remote parts of the Scottish Highlands. You look like an
interesting fellow, perhaps I could interview you?

SCOTSMAN:

Certainly…

REPORTER:

Well, perhaps you could start by telling me your name?

SCOTSMAN:

Well now there’s a story. Y’know I deliver the mail round
here, but do they call me Donald the Postman? No they don’t.

You see those fine crofts up on the hill there, well, I
built more than half of them myself, but do they call me
Donald the Croftbuilder? No, they don’t.

And did you pass the nets down in the harbour? Well, I made
several of them, but do they call me Donald the Netmaker? No,
they don’t.

But, I tell you, a moment’s weakness with just ONE sheep…

- Legally change name to the “Artist Formerly Known as the Prince of Darkness.”

- Now that the job is done, get out of Daryl Strawberry’s head.

- Help Bobby Knight write HIS “to do list”.

- Meet O.J. for our 10 a.m. tee time.

- Divorce Bill, change name back to Rodham.

- Buy ice scraper just in case Cleveland Browns win two games in a row.

- Watch “Big Brother”… sorry, that’s not on “anyone’s” to do list.

- Collect my cut of that million dollars from Richard Hatch.

- Encourage Magic Johnson to have more unprotected sex.

- Read the Bible… oops, wrong list.

- Send message to George W. to chill with the executions.

- Get people to stop sending me those damn hand-baskets!

Q: What do you do if you come across an elephant in the jungle?

A: Wipe it off and say you’re sorry.

New inventions by blondes.
The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlights
Submarine screen doors
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart boards
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chairs
Water proof tea bags
Watermelon seed sorter
Zero proof alchohol
Reusable ice cubes
See through tiolet tissue
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmap
Helicopter ejector seat

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.”
He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine the same thing happened; and he approached her again with the same request. She said, “I’m on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th hole.” Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.
He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.
He approached her and said, “Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you are in the sales profession. I’m in sales, also. What do you sell?”
She replied, “If I tell you, you’ll laugh.” “No, I won’t.”
“Well, if you must know,” she answered, “I work for Tampax.”
With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath. She said, “See I knew you would laugh.”
“That’s not what I’m laughing at,” he replied. “I’m a salesman for Preparation H, so I’m still a hole behind you!”



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