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Q: What’s long, green, thin, and smells like pork?
A: Kermits finger!

What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?
When the power goes off.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a
young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and
asks how old he is. “I’m 90 years old,” he says.
“90!” replies the woman. “Don’t you realize you’ve had it?”
“Oh, sorry,” says the old man, “how much do I owe you?”

The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman
couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the
room, he’d near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at

When he’d finished she paid him and said, “I’m going to make a
… well… unusual request. But you have to first promise me
you’ll keep it a secret.”

The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. “Well, it’s kind
of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind,
decent man – sigh – he has a certain physical weakness. A
certain disability. Now, I’m a woman and you’re a man… ”

The repairman could hardly speak, “Yes yes!”

“And since I’ve been wanting to ever since you came in the
door… ”

“Yes yes!”

“Would you help me move the refrigerator?”

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