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There were 3 men who died and before God would let them into heaven, he gave them a chance to come back as anything they wanted.

The first guy said ” I want to come back as myself, but 100 times smarter. So God made him 100 times smarter.

The second guy said “I want to be better than that guy, make me 1000 times smarter. So God made him 1000 times smarter.

The last guy decided he would be the best. So he said “God, make me better than both of them, make me 1,000,000 times smarter.

So God made him a woman !!

Gayle and Karen were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business.

“I started a new practice last year,” Gayle said. “I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months.”

“Why in the world would you do that?” Karen asked.

Gayle answered, “It’s the best way I know of to learn which ones I can do without.”

Two English sheep in a field.
One says to the other “I’m not feeling very well”

The other turns around and replies

“Shut-the-f*ck-up, or you’ll get us all killed”

Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses
were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to
the other and said, “You know, I’ve been sitting here so long, my butt
fell asleep!’.

The other woman turned to her and said “I know! I heard it snoring!”

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he
could buy him a drink.
“Why of course,” comes the reply.
The first man then asks: “Where are you from?”
“I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man.
The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s
have another round to
Ireland.”
“Of course,” replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: “Where in Ireland are you from?”
“Dublin,” comes the reply.
“I can’t believe it,” says the first man. “I’m from Dublin too! Let’s
have another drink to
Dublin.”
“Of course,” replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: “What school did you
go to?”
“Saint Mary’s,” replies the second man, “I graduated in ’62.”
“This is unbelievable!”, the first man says. “I went to Saint Mary’s
and I graduated in ’62,
too!”
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
“What’s been going
on?” he asks the bartender.
“Nothing much,” replies the bartender. “The O’Mally twins are drunk
again.”



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