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A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on
the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second
everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t
ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!”

The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap
would scare you so much.” The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your
fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver – I’ve been driving a funeral
van for the last 25 years.

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray this cushy life to keep

I pray for toys that look like mice
and warm cushions soft and nice

For grocery bags where I can hide
Just like a tiger croucched inside

I pray for gourmet kitty snacks
and someone nice to scratch my back

For window sills all warm and bright
for shadows to explore by night

I pray I’ll always stay real cool
and keep the secret feline rule

To never tell a human that
The world is really run by cats.

Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We’ve formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out and to figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.

Q: How many shipping department personnel does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We can change the light bulb in seven to ten working days, but if you call before 2 p.m. and pay an extra $15, we can get the bulb changed overnight.

Q: How many Management Information Services guys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: MIS (IT) has received your request concerning your hardware problem and has assigned you request number 359712. Please use this number for any future references to the light-bulb issue.

A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an
art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one
contemporary painting caught her eye.

“What on earth,” she inquired of the artist standing nearby, “is
that?”

He smiled condescendingly. “That, my dear lady, is supposed
to be a mother and her child.”

“Well, then,” snapped the little old lady, “why isn’t it?”

Steve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that
he’s worried about getting real seasick. The doctor tells him,
“Just eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.”
Steve says, “Will that keep me from getting sick?”
The doctor says, “No, but it’ll look real pretty in the water.”



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