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A police officer had just pulled a car over. When he walked up to the car a man rolled down the window and said, “what’s the problem officer?” To which the policeman responded, “I stopped you for running that red light behind you.” Just then the man’s wife leaned forward from the driver’s seat and said with a very loud voice, “I told him to stop at that light. But did he listen? No. He just kept right on going.”

The man then turned to his wife and yelled “Shut up stupid!” The policeman continued, “And just before the light I clocked you doing 50 m.p.h. and the speed limit is only 30.” His wife then leaned forward again and squawked “I told him to slow down. But did he listen to me. No! He never listens to me.”

And again the man shouted at his wife “Listen stupid, I told you to SHUT UP!”

The policeman then looked at the woman and said “does he always talk to you this way?”

To which the woman responed, “Only when he has been drinking.”

The contemplative routine of the convent was being disrupted
by the presence of workmen converting the electrical service
from overhead lines to buried cable. Mother Superior called
the electric company’s complaint department to ask for help.

“The profanity these men use constantly is unsuitable for our
community. You must make them stop cursing so much.”, said
the nun.

“Very well, sister. But you must make allowances for their
habits. Even when they are trying to be tactful, they will still
tend to call a spade a spade.”, said the company

Mother superior then observed, “I think the term they actually
use is ‘fucking shovel’”.

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist’s son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, “I bet I know what it is – it’s some flowers!” “That’s right!” shouted the little boy.
Then the candy store owner’s daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said. “I bet I know what it is – it’s a box of candy!” “That’s right!” shouted the little girl.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner’s son, little johnny. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.
“Is it wine?” she asked.
“No,” little johnny answered.
The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.
“Is it champagne?” she asked. “No,” he answered.
Finally, the teacher said, “I give up. What is it?”
Little johnny replied, “A puppy!”

How many forum readers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

51. One to announce that it burned out, 10 to agree, 20 to come running in with new light bulbs and screw them in, 9 to try and screw them in without even removing the old bulb, 10 to ask for a videotape of the screwing, another one to come in a few minutes later and notice the bulb went out again and start the whole process over again.

Q. Why is the book “Women Who Love Too Much” a disappointment for many
A. No phone numbers.

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