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Billy was 14 and just started jerkin off. He loved to jerk off. However,
one day, his dad walked in on him while he was jerkin off! Billy was so
embarrassed. He pulled up his pants as quick as he could. But, his dad
already seen him.
“Billy,” said his dad, “doing that will make you go blind”
“Dad,” he replied, “I’m over here!”

A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee.
On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone – “Get me a coffee, quickly!”
The voice from the other side responded, “You fool you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to, dumbo?”
“No,” replied the trainee.
“It’s the CEO of the company, you fool!”
The trainee shouts back, “And do YOU know who YOU are talking to, you fool?!”
“No.” replied the CEO indignantly.
“Good!” replied the trainee, and puts down the phone.

In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of the class and said, “Children, if you could have one raw element in the world what would it be?”
Little Stevie raised his hand and said, “I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche.”
The teacher nodded and called on little Susie.
Little Susie said, “I would want platinum, because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette”
The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny.
Little Johnny stood up and said, “I would want silicon.”
The teacher said, “Why Johnny?”
He responded by saying, “Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!”

Snow White is sitting on Pinocchio’s face and she says “tell me a lie”

A lumberjack new to the job had trouble meeting his quota. He worked as
hard as he could, but still he could only chop down two or three trees
in a day.His supervisor noticed this, and asked what was wrong. Maybe
his chainsaw was broken. The supervisor turned it on, but it was working

The lumberjack looked incredibly startled and asked, “What’s that noise?”

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