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Q: How do you get a hillbilly out of a bathtub?
A: Throw in a bar of soap.

A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital.
“How are you grandpa?” he asks.
“Feeling fine,” says the old man.
“What’s the food like?”
“Terrific, wonderful menus.”
“And the nursing?”
“Just couldn’t be better. These young nurses really take care
of you.”
“What about sleeping? Do you sleep okay?”
“No problem at all — nine hours solid every night. At 10
o’clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra
tablet, and that’s it. I go out like a light.”
The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so he
rushes off to question the Nurse in charge. “What are you
people doing?” he asks. “I’m told you’re giving an 85-year-old
Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can’t be true?”
“Oh, yes,” replies the nurse. “Every night at 10 o’clock we give
him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works
wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep, and the
Viagra stops him rolling out of bed.”

Q: What happened to the Polish National Library?
A: Someone stole the book.

“Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX, to YYY. To operate your seatbelt,
insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like
every other seatbelt, and if you don’t know how to operate one, you
probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a
sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the
ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If
you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before
assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children,
decide now which one you love more.”

Q: How do you tell one bathroom full of statisticians from another?

A: Check the p-value.

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