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A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly
stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow’s
absence after so many years of faithful attendance the Rabbi
went to see him.

He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, “How
come after all these years we don’t see you at services
anymore?”

The old man looked around and lowered his voice. “I’ll tell you,
Rabbi,” he whispered. “When I got to be 90, I expected God to
take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105.
So I figured that God is very busy and must’ve forgotten about
me, and I don’t want to remind Him!”

Having arived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat and went about his fishing.
An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pantleg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth…

Question: What is a recent philosophy Ph.D.’s usual question in his or her first job?
Answer: “Would you like french fries with that, sir?”

A Ph.D. student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park and they find and antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.”
“Me first! Me first!” says the Ph.D. student. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman who sunbathes topless.” Poof! He’s gone.
“Me next! Me next!” says the post-doc. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other.” Poof! He’s gone.
“You’re next,” the genie says to the professor. The professor says, “I want those guys back in the lab after lunch.”

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
A. Ruthless
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. What was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land.
Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.
Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest baby-sitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.



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