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The strong young man at the construction site was bragging
that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a
special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After
several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

“Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said.
“I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a
wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won’t be able to
wheel back.”

“You’re on, old man,” the braggart replied. “Let’s see what you
got.”

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the
handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, “All right.
Get in.”

The Importance Of “Correct Punctuation”

Dear John:

I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind,
thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and
inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no
feelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be forever happy–will you let
me be yours?

Gloria

————————————————————————–

Dear John:

I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind,
thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and
inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no
feelings whatsoever. When we’re apart, I can be forever happy. Will you
let me be?

Yours,
Gloria

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.

“Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.” “Have you tried counting sheep?”

“That’s the problem – I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to
find it.”

In 2050 A.D. Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God…
“Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call. I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows ME. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. In your case, I’m going to let you decide where you want to go!”
Bill replied, “Well, thanks, God. What’s the difference between the two?”
God said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision.”
“Fine, but where should I go first?”
God said, “I’m going to leave that up to you.”
Bill said, “OK, then, let’s try Hell first.”
So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining, the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased.
“This is great!” he told God. “If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!”
“Fine,” said God and off they went. Heaven was a high place in the clouds,with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice but not as enticing as Hell.
Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision. “Hmm, I think I prefer Hell” he told God.
“Fine,” retorted God, “as you desire.”
So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons.
“How’s everything going, Bill?” God asked.
Bill responded — his voice full of anguish and disappointment, “This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can’t believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?”
God smiled and said, “That was the screen saver.”

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something
about his girlfriend being out in the car.
The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her.
When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk’s buddy, Pete, and his
girlfriend going at it in the back-seat. The bartender shook his head and
walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good
idea to check on his girlfriend.
The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw Pete and his girlfriend
entwined, then walked back into the bar laughing. “What’s so funny?” the
bartender asked.
“That damned Pete!” the drunk chortled, “He’s so drunk, he thinks he’s
me!”



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