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How do you catch a polar bear?
You dig a hole in the ice and place peas all around it, and when the
polar bear comes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole!

A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the
radio show and he’s stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The
state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an
empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, “Sir, have you
been drinking?”

And the minister says, “Just water.”

The sheriff says, “Then why do I smell wine?”

And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, “Good
Lord, He’s done it again!”

This just in from the News Room:

Poland’s Worst Air Disaster occurred today when a small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland.

Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

One day this hunter drives his truck out into the forest, in the trunk he has a pistol, a shotgun and a rocket launcher.
So he stops off in the middle of the woods, grabs his pistol out of the trunk and goes off on foot in search of bears.
He sees one drinking down by the stream, he slowly aims the gun, and BANG! he shoots the bear and it falls down to the floor, not 2 seconds later he gets a tap on the shoulder, he turns around to find the bear standing right in front of him, the bear says “look mate, that really hurt, so im gonna give u 2 choices, either i rip you to shreds, or i bumfuck you” so the hunter thinks, o shit what should i do?, but seen as he dosent want to die he lets the bear bumfuck him.
Afterwards he’s really pissed off about the bear incedent, so he runs back to his car, grabs his shotgun and goes out in search to kill that same bear.
He finds the bear he’s looking for with 2 other bears, so BANG BANG BANG! he shoots all 3 of them and they fall to the floor, yet only 2 seconds later he is tapped on the shoulder, he turns around to find the 3 bears standing in front of him, so the first bear says “alright mate, that hurt the 3 of us, so you’ve got 2 choices, we bumfuck you, or we rip you to shreds” so once again the hunter who doesn’t want to die lets them bumfuck him.
So now the hunter is really really pissed off, so he goes back to his car, pulls out his rocket launcher and goes off in search for those 3 bears.
He comes across them in a whole pack of ten bears, he aims the rocket and BOOM! the bears blow up. But once again he is tapped on the shoulder, he turns around to face the 10 bears behind him, the first one says ” look mate, just between you and me, you’re not really in this for the hunting are ya”

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