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Guide to Safe Fax
Q: Do I have to be married to have fax?
A: Although married people fax quite often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day.
Q: My parents say they never had fax when they were young and were only allowed to write memos to each other until they were 21. How old do you think someone should be before they can fax?
A: Faxing can be performed at any age, once you learn the correct procedures.
Q: If I fax something to myself, will I go blind?
A: Certainly not, as far as we can see.
Q: There is a place on our street where you can go and pay to fax. Is this legal?
A: Yes. Many people have no other outlet for their fax drives and must pay a “professional” when their need to fax becomes too great.
Q: Should a cover always be used before faxing?
A: Unless you are really sure of the one you are faxing, a cover should be used to insure safe fax.

Q: Why do mexicans eat tamales for christmas?

A: So they have something to unwrap

An old Jewish couple was sitting around one evening and he says to his wife, “Sarah, we are about to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary, so tell me, have you ever been unfaithful to me?”
She hesitated a while and said, “Yes, 3 times.” “Three times!? how did it happen?” he asks.
“Well, do you remember right after we were married and we were broke and the bank was going to foreclose on our little house?” “Yes, that was really a terrible time.”
“Okay, well do you remember when I went to see the banker and the next day he extended our loan? “It is hard to believe,” he said, “but I guess it really was for us and I can forgive you.”
She continued, “And do you remember years later when you almost died from the heart problem because we couldn’t afford the operation?” “Of course I remember.”
“Well, then you also remember that right after I went to see the doctor he did your operation at no cost?” “Yes,” he said, “that shocks me too but I understand you did it because of your love for me and I forgive you.
But tell me, what was the third time?”
She responded, “Do you remember when you ran for Temple president… and needed 23 more votes?”

The Pope and Queen Elizabeth were standing on a balcony beaming at
thousands of people in the forecourt below. The Queen says to the Pope
out of the corner of her mouth, “I bet you a tenner that I can make
every English person in the crowd go wild with just a wave of my hand.”
The Pope says, “No way. You can’t do that.”
The Queen says, “Watch this.”
So the Queen waves her hand and every English person in the crowd goes
crazy, waving their little plastic Union Jacks on sticks and cheering,
basically going ballistic.

So the Pope is standing there thinking, “Uh oh, what am I going to do?
I never thought she’d be able to do it.”
So he thinks to himself for a minute and then he turns to her and says,
“I bet you I can make every Irish person in the crowd go wild, not just
now, but for the rest of the week, with just one nod of my head.”
The Queen goes, “No way, it can’t be done.”
So the Pope headbutts her.

During a session, a psychotherapist says to his client:
“Today we’re going to try and analyze your Freudian slips. See, a Freudian slip is when you want to say something but you make a funny mistake and say something slightly different. The analysis of such a mistake can lead to some emotions you’re in conflict with, some bad memories from your childhood, and so on. Have you made any such funny mistakes lately?”
The client thinks a moment, and responds:
“You know Doc, yeah. I made a funny mistake while talking to my mother. I was eating dinner with her and I wanted her to pass the salad, but instead I said: ‘You stupid bitch, you ruined my life, I hate you.'”



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