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A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:

Sacred to the memory of my husband John Barnes who
died January 3, 1803. His comely young widow, aged
23, has many qualifications of a good wife, and
yearns to be comforted.

Q: Where do you find a no legged dog?
A: Right where you left him.

“Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud.”
“Yes sir,” came the reply, “it’s fresh ground.”

farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster for sale.

The other farmer says, “Yep, I’ve got this great rooster named Kenny, he’ll service every chicken you got, no problem.” Kenny cost $3,000 but the farmer decides he’d be worth it.

So, he buys Kenny and takes him home and sets him down in the barnyard, and gives him a pep talk.

“I want you to pace yourself now. You’ve got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. So I’ll need you to do a good job. Take your time and have some fun,” the farmer said, with a chuckle. He points toward the hen house and Kenny takes off like a shot. WHAM! Kenny gets every hen in the hen house three or four times, and the farmer is shocked. After that, he hears a commotion in the duck pen and, sure enough, Kenny is in there. Later, the farmer sees Kenny after a flock of geese down by the lake. Again-WHAM! He gets all the geese.

By sunset he sees Kenny out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer is distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won’t last 24 hours.

Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next morning to find Kenny on his back out in the middle of the yard, mouth open, tongue hanging out and both feet sticking straight up in the air. Buzzards are circling overhead.

The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colourful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, “Oh, Kenny, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you’ve done to yourself.”

Kenny opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling overhead and says, “Shhhh. They’re getting closer!”

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Trish who?

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