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A fellow is walking into a hospital and sees two doctors down on their
hands and knees in one of the flower beds. He goes over and says,
“Can I help? Have you lost something?”
“No,” says one of the doctors. “We’re about to do a heart transplant on
an accountant and we’re looking for a suitable stone.”

An old sea captain with one wooden leg, one hook replacing a missing
hand, and one
missing eye goes into a bar.
The sailor sitting next to him says, “You’re really in bad shape. What
happened to your
“I fell overboard,” says the Captain, “and before my mates could pull
me aboard, a shark
bit it off.”
“Terrible,” says the sailor. “And what happened to your hand?”
“We attacked a man-o’-war,” says the Captain, “and one of the
attackees chopped it off
with a saber.”
“Awful,” says the sailor. “And how did you lose your eye?”
“Seagull droppings,” says the Captain.
“Amazing,” says the sailor. “I didn’t know seagull droppings could put
your eye out.”
“Can’t,” says the Captain. “But it was my first day with the hook.”

It was the last day of the school year, and Miss Figpot was talking to her fourth grade class. She asked “What will you be doing this summer?”
“Me and my family will go to the beach a lot,” Suzie answered.
“That sounds like fun,” said Miss Figpot. “How about you, Emma? What will you do this summer?”
“My family just bought new bikes will ride together.” Emma replied enthusiastically.
“That sounds lovely,” said the teacher. She continued with all her students until she got to Little Johnny in the back of the room.
“What will you do this summer, Johnny?”
“Nothing,” Little Johnny responded timidly.
“Nothing? Aren’t you going to do anything with your family?” she asked, trying to get Little Johnny to use his imagination.
“Nothing.” He replied
“Will you go to the beach?”
“Will you ride bikes?”
“No, never!” Little Johnny burst out. “We can never ride bikes together!”
“Why not?” said the shocked Miss Figpot.
“I don’t know,” explained Little Johnny, “But dad always says, when mom and sis start ‘cycling together’, it’s time to get the hell out of town.”

How many letters are there in the alphabet?

Noel, noel, noel, noel … the angels did say…

E.T. went home.

Get rid of X. There’s too many unknowns in the world already!

(Only one vowel left, or is that “Anly ana vawal laft” This may be stretching it a bit, but not unless you consider, as our good friends in Canada say: Good day, A!

And we all know that M&Ms melt in your mouth, so it’s safe to count them out.

And of course, Y not.

We might as well put off using U until later in the year: See U in September

TWA just took off!!

What ever those ‘do-gooders’ say. There is no such thing as rape. A girl can run a lot fucking faster with her knickers off, than a man can run with his trousers down …

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