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Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out,”Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!”
The teacher replied, “Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is ‘urinate.’
Please use the word ‘urinate’ in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.”
Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, “You’re an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you’d be a ten!!!”

A doctor at an insane asylum, decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.

When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, “Up nuts!”
and the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, “Down Nuts!” and they all sat. After a home run he yelled,
“Cheer nuts!” and they all broke into applause and cheers.

Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer
and a hot-dog, leaving his assistant in charge.

When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.

The assistant replied, “Well… everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, ‘PEANUTS!’ “

Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.

Birth Control Pills At 72?
An elderly woman went into the doctor`s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, “I`d like to have some birth-control pills.”
Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you`re 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?”
The woman responded, “They help me sleep better.”
The doctor thought some more and continued, “How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?”
The woman said, “Simple, I put them in my granddaughter`s orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night.”

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the
first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out “GREEN SIDE UP!”.
In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled “GREEN SIDE UP!”.
The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled “GREEN SIDE UP!”.
The lady then asked him, “Why do you keep yelling ‘green side up’?”.
“I’m sorry,” came the reply. “But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.”



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