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Two guys where walking down the street when they saw two dogs humping.
One said, “I wonder how much liquor it would take to get my wife to do it that way”.
So they made a bet of 10 bucks on whose wife would do it on the lease amount of liqour.
After a week they met in a bar.
“Well”, said the first guy “How much liquor did it take”.
“A pint of whiskey”, replied the other guy.
The first guy said “You win, It took me a whole bottle just to get her out in the yard.”

Q: What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?
A: Sir.
Q: What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?
A: Anything you want, it can’t hear you.
Q: Why do elephants drink so much?
A: To try to forget.
Q: What’s grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow?
A: An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!
Q: Why did the Elephant stand on the marshmellow?
A: So she wouldn’t fall in the hot chocolate.
Q: How do you get down from an elephant?
A: You don’t, you get down from a duck.
Q: Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?
A: Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Aspirin.
Q: What’s grey and white on the inside and red on the outside?
A: An inside out elephant.
Q: What’s grey and white on the inside and red and white on the outside?
A: Campbell’s Cream of Elephant soup.
Q: What is grey and not there.
A: No elephants.

The mastercard commercial all men are waiting for

Cover charge: $15.00
Round of drinks: $23.00
Table dance: $30.00
Another round of drinks: $23.00
Couch dance and tips: $50.00
A round of shots: $34.00
A Bottle of Dom and a Limo home: 125.00
Private dance in your hotel room: $300.00
Sending her on her way and never having to hear her complain:
For everthing else… There’s MasterCard

DRINKING SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and fluorescent
light strip across it.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm,
stay put. If not, get someone to help you get up; latch self to bar.

SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, mouth full of cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

What did one cloned sheep say to the other?
“I am ewe.”

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