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A little Bear is at his custody hearing. The judge asks the little bear whom he wants to live with. Well, I don’t want to live with Mamma bear, she beats me. And I do not want to live with Papa Bear, he beats me too. The Judge asks little bear if he has any relatives whom he likes. Little Bear says no. . . I want to live with the Chicago Bears, the don’t beat anybody.

One day a man was out playing golf, when he sliced his shot off into a patch of buttercups. Rather disgusted with himself, he went in search of his ball. After finding it, he was ready to hit the ball back on the fairway when he heard a voice say “please don’t hurt my buttercups”. Startled, he looked around to find the source of the voice to no avail.

Again the man prepared to hit his golf ball and again he heard the voice say “please don’t hurt my buttercups”. This time when the man looked to find the source of the voice, he saw a small leprechaun standing by him.

The little man spoke to the man and said, “Please sir, if you will kindly pick up your ball and throw it up onto the fairway instead of hitting it with your club, I will reward you with a year’s supply of butter for free”.

The man thought about the offer for a minute then replied, “That’s a fine offer, but I have but one question for you, where were you last week when I hit my ball into the pussywillows?”

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home.

Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him. To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time.

Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball, directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, “You know, when I was your age I’d hit the ball right over that tree.”

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, “Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall.”

I understand Chicago is trying to sign Michael Irvin. They got rid of the refrigerator, so now they want a coke machine.

Q: What’s better than winning a gold medal at the Para-Olympics?

A: Having arms and legs.



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