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The nervous young batsman was having a terrible time and was lucky to still be at the crease. During a lull, he stammered to the wicket keeper, ‘Well, I expect you’ve seen worse players.’
He said ‘I said I expect you’ve seen worse players.’
‘I heard you the first time. I was just trying to think.’

A fellow has a week off and decides to play a round of golf every
day. First thing Monday morning, he sets off on his first round
and soon catches up to the person in front. He sees that this is
a woman and, as he catches up to her on a par 3, that, in fact,
she’s very attractive. He’s interested and suggests that they
play the rest of the round together. She agrees and a very close
match ensues. She turns out also to be a very talented golfer
and she wins their little competition on the last hole.

He congratulates her in the car park then offers to give her a lift
when he sees she doesn’t have a car. All in all it’s been a highly
enjoyable morning.

On the way to her place, she thanks him for the morning’s
company and competition and says she hasn’t enjoyed herself
so much on the course for a long time. “In fact,” she says, “I’d
like you to pull over so I can show you how much I appreciated
everything.” He pulls over, they kiss and she shows him her

The next morning he spies her at the first tee and suggests
they play together again. He’s actually quite competitive and
slightly peeved that she beat him the previous day. Again they
have a magnificent day, enjoying each other’s company and
playing a tight, competitive round of golf. Again she pips him at
the last, again he drives her home and again she shows her

This goes on all week, with her beating him narrowly every day.
This is a sore point for his male ego but, nevertheless, in the
car home from their Friday afternoon round, he tells her that he
has had such a fine week that he has a surprise planned: dinner
for two at a fancy candle-lit restaurant followed by a night of
passion in the penthouse apartment of a posh hotel.

Surprisingly, she bursts into tears and says she can’t agree to
this. He can’t work out what the fuss is about but eventually she
admits the reason.

“You see,” she tearfully sobs, “I’m a transvestite.”

He is aghast. He swerves violently off the road, pulls the car to
a screeching halt and curses madly, overcome with emotion.
“I’m sorry,” she repeats.

“You bastard,” he screams, red in the face, “You cheating
bastard. You’ve been playing off the red tees all week!!”

This is the new public relations director for the Chicago Cubs, and here is what he has to say…

“The Cubs are well on their way to winning the World Series this year. The Yankees, Red Sox, Braves and Angels do not stand a chance, the Cubs are superior and will defeat all the teams they play this year 25-0 and their record will be 162 and 0.

“The Cubs have the league’s best hitting, pitching, base running, coaching, stadium, hot dog stands, parking, ground crew, announcers, and sell out every home game.

“They will not only win the World Series but also the Superbowl, the NBA Championship, The Stanley Cup, and all Nascar and Indy car races.”

Robert goes golfing every Saturday. One Saturday, he comes home three hours
late. His wife asks him, “What took you so long?”

The guy says, “That was the worst game of golf I’ve ever had. We got up to
the first tee, and Charlie hit a hole-in-one and immediately dropped dead
of a heart attack.”

The guy’s wife says, “That’s terrible!”

The guy says, “I know. Then, for the rest of the game, it was hit the ball,
drag Charlie, hit the ball, drag Charlie, hit the ball, drag Charlie…”

Two really old guys decided they would go out and try to play a round of
golf together. They get on the first tee and the first old guy says to the
second, “My eyesight isn’t what it used to be. Can you watch my ball for
The second guy says, “Sure! I see fine. Go ahead and hit.”
So the first old man steps up to the tee and really hits it. He turns to
his buddy and says, “Did you see it?”.
“Sure!”, says his buddy.
“Where did it go?”, the first guy asks.
The second old man thinks for a minute and says, “I can’t remember.”

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