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Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a
building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her
pet cat in her arms.

“Hey, lady,” yells Larry, “Throw me the cat.”

“No,” she cries, “It’s too far.”

“I play football, I can catch him.”

The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves to
Larry, kisses her cat goodbye, and tosses it down to the street.

Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him.
The feline bounces off an awning and Larry runs into the street to catch
it. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one handed
catch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks into
cheers.

Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his
knees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement.

It was the day of the grand final when officals took a call from one of the members gatekeepers. “There are two life-members here. They are close friends of one of the umpires and they have lost their tickets.”
“Throw them out,” said the executive. “They are liars. Whoever heard of an umpire having two friends.”

A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.

Finally the pro askes her what she wants. “I can’t find any green golf balls,” the blonde golfer complains.

The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.

As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, “Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?”

“Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!”

Q: How come nobody from Mexico is ever in the olympics?

A: Because everybody that can Run, Jump, and Swim is already over here.

One day a man was out playing golf, when he sliced his shot off into a patch of buttercups. Rather disgusted with himself, he went in search of his ball. After finding it, he was ready to hit the ball back on the fairway when he heard a voice say “please don’t hurt my buttercups”. Startled, he looked around to find the source of the voice to no avail.

Again the man prepared to hit his golf ball and again he heard the voice say “please don’t hurt my buttercups”. This time when the man looked to find the source of the voice, he saw a small leprechaun standing by him.

The little man spoke to the man and said, “Please sir, if you will kindly pick up your ball and throw it up onto the fairway instead of hitting it with your club, I will reward you with a year’s supply of butter for free”.

The man thought about the offer for a minute then replied, “That’s a fine offer, but I have but one question for you, where were you last week when I hit my ball into the pussywillows?”



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