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1. Take the batteries out of all of the remote controls.
2. As his pals arrive to watch the big game, disappear into your room and make yourself as frumpy-looking as possible, then return to the living room and complain loudly about all the housework you do, going into great detail, taking turns sitting next to each one of them.
3. Show a sudden interest in every aspect of the game, especially have him define the offside law for you, many times.
4. Plug in a boom box in the room and do your Dancerobics routine.
5. Decide it’s time to dust the house starting with a particularly good dusting of the television set right at kick-off.
6. Hold a womens’ rights rally.
7. Invite your mother over for the game.
8. Hide near the cable connection, unscrew it from the wall everytime you hear a tense moment.
9. Get a Martha Stewart Living magazine, sit in the room, and read the articles outloud.
10. Hide the beer and pretzels.
11. Come into the room every two minutes to complain about the television volume being too loud.
12. Invite all your friends over for a Pampered Chef party.
13. Root for the team your man has bet against.
14. Don some sweats and a ball cap, sit in the room with your man and his pals to watch the game… suck down the beer, scratch, burp, scream loudly everytime anything at all happens in the game.
15. It’s your night out with the girls… leave the kids home with him!

(Time Limit: 3 Weeks)

1. What language is spoken in France?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to:
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or

4. What religion is the Pope? (check only one)
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic

5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

8. What are people in America’s far north called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners

9. Spell — Bush, Carter and Clinton

10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.

11. Where does rain come from?
(a) Macy’s
(b) a 7-11
(c) Canada
(d) the sky

12. Can you explain Einstein’s Theory of Relativity?
(a) yes
(b) no

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?

15. Explain Le Chatelier’s Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?

17. Which part of America produces the most oranges?
(a) New York
(b) Florida
(c) Canada
(d) Wisconsin

18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do you have?

19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?

*You must answer three or more questions correctly to qualify*

Just in case we need to remember how bad it can be, here are 20 major events that have occurred since the Chicago Cubs last laid claim to a World Series championship:

1. Radio was invented… Cubs fans got to hear their team lose.

2. TV was invented… Cubs fans got to see their team lose.

3. Baseball added 14 teams… Cubs fans get to see and hear their team lose to more clubs.

4. George Burns celebrated his 10th, 20th, 30th, 40th, 50th, 60th, 70th, 80th, 90th and 100th birthdays.

5. Haley’s comet passed Earth… TWICE.

6. Harry Caray was born… and died. Incredible, but true.

7. The NBA, NHL and NFL were formed, and Chicago teams won championships in each league.

8. Man landed on the moon… as have several home runs given up by Cubs pitchers.

9. Sixteen U.S. presidents were elected.

10. Eleven amendments were added to the Constitution.

11. Prohibition was created… repealed.

12. The Titanic was built, set sail, sank, was discovered, and became the subject of major motion pictures, the latter giving Cubs fans hope that something that finishes on the bottom can come out on top.

13. Wrigley Field was built… and becomes the oldest park in the National League.

14. Flag poles were erected on Wrigley Field’s roof to hold all of the team’s future World Series pennants. Those flag poles have since rusted and been taken down.

15. A combination of 40 Summer and Winter Olympics have been held.

16. Thirteen baseball players have won the Triple Crown; several thanked Cubs pitchers.

17. Bell-bottoms came in style and went out… and came back in.

18.The Cleveland Indians, Boston Red Sox, Arizona Diamondbacks and the Florida Marlins have all won the World Series.

19. The Cubs played 14,153 regular-season games, and lost the majority of them.

20. Alaska, Arizona, Hawaii, Oklahoma and New Mexico were added to the Union.
Go Cubs!

A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes.

Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels.

After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him.

“Let’s see yer fishin’ license, Boy!” the Warden gasped.

With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.

“Well, son,” said the Game Warden. “You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don’t have to run from me if you have a valid license!”

“Yes, sir,” replied the young guy. “But my friend back there, well, he don’t have one.”

13) “None for me, thanks. That Skoal will do a number on your teeth.”

12) “Tampax! Get ‘cha Tampax here!”

11) “Hey, shut up! I can’t hear the race.”

10) “Sex with your sister!? Man, that’s sick.”

9) “My GOD, this is a splendid Merlot!”

8) “Hey, you with the large breasts — out of the way! We’re trying to watch a race here!”

7) “Chesterton, be a good lad and retrieve the Wall Street Journal from my attach

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