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Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the man answers “241.”

“That is wonderful!” says Einstein. “We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!”

Next Einstein introduces himself to a woman and asks, “What is your IQ?” To which the lady answers, “144.” “That is great!” responds Einstein. “We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!”

Einstein goes to another person and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the man answers, “51.” Einstein responds, “How ’bout them Cowboys?”

On a crowded tram going to the football game the fan resplendent in black and white colours had a large magpie tucked under his arm.

Sitting directly opposite, at face level with the magpie, was an old codger flaunting a scarf in the opposing team’s colours. “They won’t let you take a pig into the ground ya know,” he said loudly

“It’s not a pig, it’s a magpie ya dick head,” said the fan in the black and white scarf.

“I wasn’t talking to you,” said the old codger.

A recent Scottish immigrant to the U.S. attended his first baseball game. After a base hit, he heard the fans roaring, “Run…run!”

The next batter connected heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stood up and roared with the crowd in his thick accent, “R-r-r-un yah bahstard. R-r-run!”

A third batter slammed a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screamed, “R-r-r-un ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya.”

The next batter’s count went to three and two. As the next pitch went outside the plate, he held his swing. The umpire called a walk and the Scotsman stood up yelling, “R-r-r-un ya bahstard, r-r-run!”

All the surrounding fans giggled quietly and he sat down, confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment, whispered, “He didn’t have to run, he’s got four balls.”

After this explanation the Scotsman stood up in disbelief and screamed, “Walk PR-R-ROUD, man! Walk Proud!”

(basketball players only)

Time Limit: 3 weeks

1. What language is spoken in France?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular
reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions
-OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY

4. What religion is the Pope?
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic (check only one)

5. Metric conversion. How many feet in 0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand
is on the 5?

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

8. What are people in America’s far north called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners
(d) Easterners

9. Spell — Bush, Carter and Clinton.

10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being
George the Sixth. Name the previous five.

11. Where does rain come from?
(a) Macy’s
(b) a 7-11
(c) Canada
(d) the sky

12. Can you explain Einstein’s Theory of Relativity?
(a) yes
(b) no

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?

15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium
-OR- spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?

17. Which part of America produces the most oranges?
(a) New York
(b) Florida
(c) Canada
(d) Wisconsin

18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do you have?

19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?

20. The UNLV tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)?
(a) B.C.
(b) A.D.
(c) still waiting

*You must answer three or more questions correctly to qualify

Two avid fishermen go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.

The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they’re driving home they’re really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, “Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?”

The other guy says, “Wow! It’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!”



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