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One night after the big fight Mike Tyson was a bit depressed so he decided to get a prostitute to cheer him up. After the act, they were laying in bed having a smoke. The prostitute said, “Well Mike, how’s it all going?”

“How’s it all going?” he asked. “My life’s a disaster. I was born to an under-privileged family, had a hard up-bringing, was thrown in jail for rape, now I’m on parole and I’ve hit a cop, my wife left me for beating her up, I have to pay maintenance for my kids, I’ve lost two world title fights, I’ve disgraced myself and my sport, most people want me banned me for life and they won’t pay me my money. Nothing could make my life any worse.”

“Oh, that’s so sad,” the prostitute said. “I’ll say one thing to cheer you up. You’re a much better lover than Magic Johnson!”

A golfer is playing a round of golf with his buddies. On the sixth hole, he proceeds to splash five balls in a row into the water.

Frustrated over his poor golfing ability, and about ready to hit somebody, he heaves his golf clubs into the water, and begins to walk off the course.

Then all of a sudden, he turns around and jumps back in the lake, his buddies apparently thinking he is going to retrieve his clubs.

When he comes out of the water, he doesn’t have his clubs and begins to walk off the course.

One of his buddies asks, “Why did you jump into the lake?”

He responds, “I left my car keys in the bag.”

A cricket enthusiast had three trays installed in his office labelled ‘In’ , ‘Out’ , and ‘L.B.W.’ .
A visitor remarked as he could see the significance of ‘In’ and ‘Out’ but what did ‘L.B.W.’ mean ?
And the cricket enthusiast replied : “Let the Bastards Wait.”

A fisherman returned to shore with a giant Marlin that was larger and heavier than he was. On the way to the cleaning shed, he ran into a buddy who had maybe a dozen or so Rockfish. The buddy eyed the Marlin and said, “Only caught the one, huh?”

The cricket fan had dragged his wife and child along to the ground to watch the local side .
He watched with interest, but they were plainly bored and shifted uncomfortably in their seats.
The child brightened and turned to the mother.
‘They just shouted ‘Over’, she said.
‘I know.’ replied her mother, wearily, ‘but don’t take any notice. It goes on and on and on.’

© 2015