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A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she liked the game.
“I liked it, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents,” she said.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“Well, everyone kept yelling, ‘Get the quarter back!’”

1. Take the batteries out of all of the remote controls.
2. As his pals arrive to watch the big game, disappear into your room and make yourself as frumpy-looking as possible, then return to the living room and complain loudly about all the housework you do, going into great detail, taking turns sitting next to each one of them.
3. Show a sudden interest in every aspect of the game, especially have him define the offside law for you, many times.
4. Plug in a boom box in the room and do your Dancerobics routine.
5. Decide it’s time to dust the house starting with a particularly good dusting of the television set right at kick-off.
6. Hold a womens’ rights rally.
7. Invite your mother over for the game.
8. Hide near the cable connection, unscrew it from the wall everytime you hear a tense moment.
9. Get a Martha Stewart Living magazine, sit in the room, and read the articles outloud.
10. Hide the beer and pretzels.
11. Come into the room every two minutes to complain about the television volume being too loud.
12. Invite all your friends over for a Pampered Chef party.
13. Root for the team your man has bet against.
14. Don some sweats and a ball cap, sit in the room with your man and his pals to watch the game… suck down the beer, scratch, burp, scream loudly everytime anything at all happens in the game.
15. It’s your night out with the girls… leave the kids home with him!

Q: What do they call a drug ring in Dallas?
A: A huddle.

Q: There are 4 Dallas Cowboys in a car, who’s driving?
A: The police.

Q: Why can’t Michael Irvin be in the Cowboy huddle anymore?
A: It’s a parole violation for him to associate with known felons.

The team doctor said because of Michael Irvin’s fractured wrist, it’ll be 6 – 8 weeks before he can video tape a team mate having sex.

The Chicago Bears are trying to trade for Michael Irvin. They got rid of the “Refrigerator” and now they want a “Coke Machine”.

It was reported today that the artificial turf in Texas Stadium is being replaced because the Cowboys play much better on “grass”.

The Dallas Cowboys have adopted a new “Honor System”. “Yes, your Honor”, “No, your Honor”.

The Cowboys had a 12 and 5 season this year. 12 arrests and 5 convictions.

In a move to strengthen their defense, the Dallas Cowboys today hired a new defensive coordinator, Johnny Cochran.

Q: How do the Cowboys spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

A jumbo-sized freshman went to try out for the football team. The coach asked him if he could tackle and he said, “Hell yah, get a load of this!”

And with that knocked over a telephone pole as if it were made of balsa wood.

The coach was dumbfounded and asked if the boy could run, to which the boy replied, “Hell yah!” and he sprinted from endzone to endzone like lightning.

The coach stood there with his mouth agape to see such a huge boy run so fast. He finally composed himself and said, “But can you pass a football?”

The freshman stopped to think for a few seconds, then said, “Hell yah, if I can swallow it, I can surely pass it!”

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?
“Yes it is,” the man replies.
“You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy asks.
“No thanks,” the man replies.
“I think you do want to buy a baseball,” the little extortionist continues.
“OK. How much?” the man replies after considering the position he is in.
“Twenty-five dollars,” the little boy replies.
“TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!” the man repeats incredulously, but complies to protect his hidden position.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
“It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” the boy starts off.
“Yes it is,” replies the man.
“Wanna buy a baseball glove?” the little boy asks.
“OK. How much?” the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.
“Fifty dollars,” the boy replies and the transaction is completed. The next weekend, the little boy’s father says, “Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we’ll play some catch.”
“I can’t. I sold them,” replies the little boy.
“How much did you get for them?” asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.
“Seventy-five dollars,” the little boy says.
“SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That’s thievery! I’m taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness, the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?”
“Don’t you start that crap in here now,” the priest says.



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