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* When you go fishing and you catch something, that’s good. If you’re making love and you catch something, that’s bad.

* Fish don’t compare you to other fishermen neither and don’t want to know how many other fish you caught.

* In fishing you lie about the one that got away. In loving you lie about the one you caught.

* You can catch and release a fish, you don’t have to lie and promise to still be friends after you let it go.

* You don’t have to necessarily change your line to keep catching fish.

* You can catch a fish on a 20-cent nightcrawler. If you want to catch a woman you’re talking dinner and a movie minimum.

* Fish don’t mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.

* Driving your fellow Congressman into the turnbuckle now considered acceptable method of ending a filibuster.

* President now shouts entire State of the Union address with his face 18 inches from TV camera.

* IRS audit replaced by more efficient reverse body slam onto enema.

* Government becomes a charade of meaningless noises and lots of posturing by a bunch of inarticulate losers with no class or manners – Hey, wait a minute…

* Free school lunches destined for the needy instead go to the biggest, meanest, stupidest kid in each school.

* Sex scandals now involve even skankier women.

* January 20: Inauguration ceremonies. January 21: FDA approves over-the-counter sale of steroids Newt Gingrich is finally able to wear his mask and cape out of the house.

* During House debate, it is acceptable to yield to the gentleman wielding a folding chair.

* Difficult finding interns willing to accommodate an entire pouch of Skoal.

* Strom Thurmond *finally* removed by The Undertaker.

* Line to bodyslam Ken Starr winds around Lincoln Memorial.

* Before: Mr. Vice President After: Stone Cold Al Gore

Q: Which goal keeper can jump higher than a crossbar?
A: All of them, a crossbar can’t jump!

A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon were having drinks at the bar following an interfaith meeting. The Jew, bragging on his virility said, “I have four sons. One more and I’ll have a basketball team.”

The Catholic, pooh-poohed this accomplishment, stating, “That’s nothing! I have 10 sons, one more and I’ll have a football team.”

The Mormon replied, “You fellas ain’t got a clue. I have 17 wives. One more and I’ll have a golf course.”

Have you noticed that the “Super Bowl” this year sounds more like the “Condom Bowl”?
Titans vs. Rams.



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