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Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to
the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands
in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the
green.
Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the
fairway and lands in the water trap.
Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green. The
old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over
the fairway and heads for the water trap. But, just before it falls
into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth.As the
fish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and
grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies over the green where a
lightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, the
eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out
of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one.
Jesus then turns to the old man and says, “Dad, if you don’t stop
fooling around, we won’t bring you next time.”

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. “Your holiness,” said one of the Cardinals, “Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match.” The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.

“Not to worry,” said the Cardinal, “we’ll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We’ll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres… We can’t lose!” Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.

The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. “I came in second, your Holiness,” said Nicklaus.

“Second?!!” exclaimed the surprised Pope. “You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!”

“No,” said Nicklaus, “second to Rabbi Woods.”

A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed the plan and waited for their friend.

After a considerable time he appeared disheveled, bloody, and badly beaten up. They all wanted to know what happened.

He explained that he went over to the cow pasture but could not find his ball. He noticed a cow wringing her tail in obvious pain. He went over and lifted her tail and saw a golf ball solidly embedded. It was a yellow ball so he knew it was not his.

A woman comes out of the bushes apparently searching for her lost golf ball. The helpful male golfer lifted the cow’s tail and asked, “Does this look like yours?”

That was the last thing he could remember.

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Generally, he was driving his partner nuts.

Finally his exasperated partner says, “What the heck is taking so long? Hit the ball!”

The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.”

His partner ponders this for a moment, and then replies:

“Forget it man, you don`t stand a snowball`s chance in hell of hitting her from here!”

Two guys were out hunting, but they weren’t getting any ducks.
“What do you think the problem is?” one man asked his companion.
“I dunno,” came the reply, “Maybe we aren’t throwing the dog up high enough.”



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