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A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, “What’s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!”
The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.”
“Forget it, man! You don’t stand a chance of hitting her from here!”

A cricket enthusiast had three trays installed in his office labelled ‘In’ , ‘Out’ , and ‘L.B.W.’ .
A visitor remarked as he could see the significance of ‘In’ and ‘Out’ but what did ‘L.B.W.’ mean ?
And the cricket enthusiast replied : “Let the Bastards Wait.”

It was the day of the grand final when officals took a call from one of the members gatekeepers. “There are two life-members here. They are close friends of one of the umpires and they have lost their tickets.”
“Throw them out,” said the executive. “They are liars. Whoever heard of an umpire having two friends.”

Q: What do you call 42 rednecks chasing a queer?

Q: How did Captain Hook die?
A: Jock itch.

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