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NASCAR would be a sport if half the cars were driving in the other direction.

Skyline Golf Club
Memo to all members!
Re: The admission of women to the club.

Since the admission of women to the club, members are asked to obey the following rules.

1. Ladies are prohibited from touching the gentlemen’s balls either with hands or club.

2. Players are requested to remain silent during the short strokes.

3. All players with partners are requested to come together. When the lady partner comes first, the gentleman must not delay his strokes but continue playing.

4. In cases where a long position is impossible, the players may so choose a new position.

5. Players deciding on a new lay must start at least a club’s length from the hole.

6. Members are requested to stay out of any hole, showing signs of recent repair or undergoing monthly overhaul until the red flag has been lifted.

7. All holes must be kept clean at all times.

8. Members are also urged to use reasonable precautions at all times as the Management cannot be held responsible for balls lost in the bushes around the holes.

Q: Why are football players never asked for dinner?
A: Because they’re always dribbling!

A hunter was visiting another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, “When did you bag him?”

The host said, “That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife.”

“What’s he stuffed with?” asked the visiting hunter.

“My wife!”

Two elderly sisters donated $5 to a charity and, to their surprise, won tickets to a football game. Since they had never seen a live football game before, Madge thought the free tickets would provide an excellent opportunity for doing so.

“I think so, too,” said Mabel. “Let’s go!”

They soon found themselves high in a noisy stadium overlooking a large, grassy expanse. They watched the kickoff and the seemingly endless back-and-forth struggles that comprised the scoreless first half.

They enjoyed the band music and cheerleader performance that followed. Then came the second half. When the teams lined up for the second-half kickoff, Madge nudged her sister.

“I guess we can go home now, Mabel,” she said. “This is where we came in.”

© 2015