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Q: How is golf like taxes?

A: Well, you drive hard to get to the green, and then you wind up in the hole.

* When you go fishing and you catch something, that’s good. If you’re making love and you catch something, that’s bad.

* Fish don’t compare you to other fishermen neither and don’t want to know how many other fish you caught.

* In fishing you lie about the one that got away. In loving you lie about the one you caught.

* You can catch and release a fish, you don’t have to lie and promise to still be friends after you let it go.

* You don’t have to necessarily change your line to keep catching fish.

* You can catch a fish on a 20-cent nightcrawler. If you want to catch a woman you’re talking dinner and a movie minimum.

* Fish don’t mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.

There was a Brown’s fan, a Steelers fan, and a Bug Eater. They attempted to rob a bank but got caught. They went to court and were sentenced to the electric chair. The guys operating it told them that if they survived they were free to go.

The Steelers fan went first. They asked him if he had any last words to say. He told them no. He pressed the button and nothing happened so he was free to go.

The bug eater went next. They asked him if he had any last words to say. He said no and pressed the button. Nothing happened and he was free to go.

The Browns fan went next. They asked him if he had any last words.

“I think if you plug the chair in, it’ll work better.”

A distraught woman rushed into a Police Station claiming she had been raped.
The Desk Sergeant calmed her down and asked her to provide details. She
told him that it was a man of average height dressed in white and that he
was wearing protective pads on his legs and forearms, additionally he
had on a helmet and gloves.
“That sounds as if the man was a cricketer” observed the policeman.
“Oh yes he was” replied the woman, “and what’s more he was an Englishman”.
“I suppose you guessed that because of his accent ” said the Sergeant.
“No” the woman said, “it was because he didn’t stay in very long.”

A man was playing a game of golf, and on hole 16, he hit the ball right
into a field of buttercups. As honest a golfer as he normally was, he
picked up the ball and laid it next to the flowerbed to avoid destroying
the beautiful buttercups. A fairy comes down and says “thank you for not
disturbing my buttercups. For that I shall make sure that you always have
a full supply of butter”.

“Thank you,” the golfer replied, “but where were you last week when I hit
the ball into the pussywillows?”

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