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Q: How many body builders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Nine. One to screw in the bulb while the other 8 hold up the mirrors.

The scene was Mount Olympus, where Bacchus, the Greek god of wine, had thrown a party for a pair of visiting Roman deities — Ceres, the goddess of agriculture, and Janus, the two-faced god of doors and beginnings.

Everyone over did it, more or less. Ceres at one point was staggering and turning in circles; Janus, equally submerged, was trying to dance with her. Bacchus feared that the pair might fall over, so he went to steady them. This marked the first time that a whirled Ceres was held with a double-header.

When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heaven.
“Sorry, old man,” Peter said, “But I can’t let you in. You see
the big book here says you committed one unpardonable sin back
in 1978 — You took the Lord’s name in vain during a golf game.”

“Oh, yes. I’ll never forget that one, and I’m terribly sorry
Peter, but I can explain…”, the old golfer blithered.

“Well,” said Peter, “You’ll have to take it up with The Big Guy.”

So Peter led the old golfer down a long golden hallway, to God’s
office. “We’ve got another code 6 here, sir! Says he can explain…”

“So,” booms God, “You’ve been taking my name in vain.”

“Only once, your Almighty, Sir. But I can explain!”

“OK. Try me, ” replied the Lord.

“Well you see sir, I was playing my best game of golf ever, and
I made it to the 18th hole, and I’d win the tournament if I could
just make par on this hole. I made my shot from the tee, and it
was sailing beautifully, when suddenly the wind shifted, and took
my ball off into the woods, and right behind this enormous oak tree…”

“And that’s when you took my name in vain?”

“Oh, no, sir! I just took out my 6 iron and knocked that ball
clear out of the woods with one swing! It was gliding beautifully
toward the green, when suddenly it lost speed, and dropped into
a sand trap, right smack in the middle of a deep hole…”

“So, that is when you took my name in vain?”

“No, not then. I just took out my nine, and with one swing, drove
that ball right onto the green, and it rolled within two inches
of the hole…”

“Don’t tell me you missed a goddamn two inch putt!”

Q: What do they call a drug ring in Dallas?

A: A huddle.

Q: There are 4 Dallas Cowboys in a car, who’s driving?

A: The police.

Q: How do the Cowboys spend the first week of training camp?

A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: Why can’t Michael Irvin be in the Cowboy huddle anymore?

A: It’s a parole violation for him to associate with known felons.

At the interval, everybody rushed to the bar, where local publican had thoughtfully provided a case of light ale. Unfortunately, the ale was off and halfway through the second innings, everyone was so ill that they abandoned the match. It was a case of bad light stopping play.



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