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In my hand I hold a ball,
white and dimpled, rather small.
Oh, how bland it does appear,
this harmless looking little sphere.

By its size, I could not guess,
the awesome strength it does possess.
But since I fell beneath it’s spell,
I’ve wandered through the fires of hell.

My life has not been quite the same,
since I chose to play this stupid game.
It rules my mind for hours on end.
A fortune it has made me spend.

It’s made me swear and yell and cry.
I hate myself and want to die.
It promises a thing called par,
if I can hit it straight and far.

To master such a tiny ball,
should not be very hard at all.
But my desires the ball refuses
and does exactly as it chooses.

It hooks and slices, dribbles and dies
and disappears before my eyes.
Often it will take a whim
to hit a tree or take a swim.

With miles of grass on which to land,
it finds a tiny patch of sand.
Then has me offering up my soul,
if only it would find the hole.

It’s made me whimper like a pup
and swear that I will give it up.
And take a drink to ease my sorrow,
but the ball well knows…
I’ll be back tomorrow!!!!

During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.

At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.

The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, “Who stopped the elephant?”

“I did,” said the centipede.

“Who stopped the rhino?”

“Uh, that was me too,” said the centipede.

“And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?”

“Well, that was me as well,” said the centipede.

“So where were you during the first half?” demanded the coach.

“Well,” said the centipede, “I was having my ankles taped.”

Once there were three friends and they would boast to each other about their belonging and achievements.
Well things had deteriorated to such an extent that they would boast about anything among themselves.
“I went hunting once” said one of them. He paused for a while and said further “I could not find a single Tiger the whole day. I was returning back to my Camp, and guess what I saw a Tiger right in front of me glaring at me”.
“Then what happened”? enquired another eagerly.
What can happen? he replied and continued… I took my gun and aimed at the Tiger, just then I realised I had forgotten to load my gun. Then… asked his friend.
I pointed the gun and said slowly BANG and the Tiger died.

Another said I was also hunting Tiger in the forest like you. I couldn’t find any Tiger that day and when I was returning back I felt someone following me from the back, when I turned around the gun fell from my hand and the Tiger came very close to me sniffing.
What happened next?
I had the bullets in my breast pocket I only had to touch them… the Tiger died.

Third said.. I had an interview to attend and while I was travelling in the bus it had a puncture. Looking at my watch I had very little time in hand so I took a short-cut from the nearby zoological garden and guess what the first jump of mine made me land in the Tiger’s cage.
Then what happened… asked his friends.
I went through my pocket no gun no bullets just a folded paper with trembling hand I unfolded the paper the Tiger died…
Nonsense said his friends your paper has no relation with the hunting…
Why he replied… That was my GUN LICENCE.

There was this guy who went golfing every Saturday and Sunday. It didn’t matter what kind of weather it was, he was hooked on a round of golf on his days off.

One Saturday he left the house early and headed for the golf course, but it was so bitter cold that he decided he wouldn’t golf that day and went back home.

His wife was still in bed when he got there, so he took off his clothes and snuggled up to his wife’s backside and said, “Terrible weather out there.”

She replied, “Yeah, and can you believe my stupid husband went golfing.”

Jones had taken his wife to a cricket match. She sat through the first innings although plainly bored. In the second innings a batsman gave a tremendous swipe and knocked the ball out of the ground. ‘Thank goodness they got rid of it,’ she sighed. ‘Now we can all go home.’

© 2015