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Q: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

A: Because it heard the referee was blowing fouls.

Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too.

“Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something … but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the ground.”

After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.

A little while later one hunter said to the other, “You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!”

“Yeah, but we’re getting farther from the truck,” the other added.

Did you hear about the new downhill racing skis the ski resorts are selling this year?
They are called Lewin-skis. They are for people who like to go down.

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no
arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a
head. They all line up, the whistle blows and “splash” they’re all
in the pool.

The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with
no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the
bottom.

Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can
still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool,so he
decides he had better dive down to rescue him.

He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and
places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head
starts coughing and spluttering.

Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: “Three
years I’ve spent learning to swim with my fucking ears, then two
minutes before the whistle, some asshole puts a swimming cap
on me!”

Q: Why did Mike Tyson learn to bite ears?
A: How else do you tell a 275 pound inmate that “no means no”?



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