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The pro quarterback was petitioning the court to have his recent marriage annulled.
“On what grounds?” questioned the Judge, “This court does not take annulments lightly.”
“Non-virginity,” replied the quarterback, “When I married her, I thought I was getting a tight end, but instead, I found that I had married a wide receiver.”

The NFL announced today in a press conference that one team from the league needed to be eliminated. What officials have decided to do is combine the Green Bay Packers and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and form one team therefore saving jobs. They will be known as the TAMPACKS.

They’re only good for one period and have no second string!

There was this basically-good man who died and appeared before St. Peter at the Holy Gates. St. Peter checks out his books and discovers that there is a problem. He says that there is no clear answer in the books on where the man is supposed to go, Heaven or Hell. He suggests that the man go to Hell and check it out, so that he may make the decision himself. If he didn’t like what he saw there, he could come back to Heaven.

Well, this man had only one true vice while he was alive. It seems he had an uncontrollable desire to play golf at any opportunity. He had traveled the world playing all the famous golf courses.

When the man arrived in Hell, Satan welcomed him, but he too was surprised at the man’s situation. He had assumed that since the question about the man’s ultimate destination wasn’t clear, the man would go to Heaven. The man could just see behind Satan a Most Beautiful Golf Course. It had beautiful trees, blue ponds, water separating the fairways, everything. The man fell in love with at at first site, and he couldn’t control himself. He just had to play a round.

The devil showed him a wonderful electric golf cart, a perfect leather bag, a matched set of clubs. Satan reached into his pocket and presented the man with a Golden Tee. The devil then said that only members could play. The man couldn’t control himself. He just had to play there.

He goes back up to Heaven and tells St. Peter that he has decided to stay in Hell so he could play on the Beautiful Golf Course there. When the man returns to Hell, he approaches Satan and asks for a tee time. The devil says that anytime at all, the man could play. No one else uses the course.

Chuckling with glee, the man approaches the first tee. He gets out of his beautiful golf cart, reaches for his perfectly matched clubs and selects his driver, reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out his Golden Tee, then frantically searches everywhere for a ball.

Satan comes up and the man asks him for a ball.

“That’s the Hell of it,” says Satan with a devilish laugh.

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts.
Finally his exasperated partner says, “What the hell is taking so long? Hit the goddamn ball!”

The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.”

“Well, hell, man, you don’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of hitting her from here!”

One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.

The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.

Jim calls out to his golfing partner in an agitated voice, “Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here.”

Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out, “What’s the matter Jim?”

Jim shouts back, “Throw me my 7-iron! You can’t get out of here with an 8-iron.”



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