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Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no
arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a
head. They all line up, the whistle blows and “splash” they’re all
in the pool.

The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with
no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the

Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can
still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool,so he
decides he had better dive down to rescue him.

He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and
places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head
starts coughing and spluttering.

Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: “Three
years I’ve spent learning to swim with my fucking ears, then two
minutes before the whistle, some asshole puts a swimming cap
on me!”

Q: How did Captain Hook die?
A: Jock itch.

The demon bowler sent his thunderbolts whizzing past batsman and wicket-keeper for boundary byes from every ball of his opening over. The captain said, ‘I think I’ll rest you for a while.’
‘You can’t do that,’ said the bowler. ‘I’ve just bowled a maiden over.
‘Women like that are a luxury I can’t afford at the moment,’ acidly replied the captain.

A couple met on a golf course, and fell in love. A few weeks later, the guy said, “It’s only fair to warn you, I’m a golf nut. I live, eat, breath, and sleep golf.”

The lady said, “Since we are being honest here, I have something to tell you, I’m a hooker.”

The guy looked down to ground, and thought for a minute, and then looked up and said, “It’s probably because you’re not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.”

‘I can’t understand it,’ said the captain. ‘It was such an important game that I bribed the umpire and yet we still lost.’
‘Terrible, isn’t it,’ a bowler agreed. ‘It’s getting so you can’t trust anyone.’

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