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A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process she hacks the hell out of the buttercups.

Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golf bag and looks at her and says, “I’m Mother Nature, and I don’t like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you won’t be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea.”

The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared. Shaken, the wife calls out to her husband “Hey, where’s your ball?”

“It’s over here in the pussy willows.”

The wife screams back, “DON’T HIT THE BALL!!!! DON’T HIT THE BALL!!!!”

A cricket enthusiast died and went to hell. After a few days, the Devil came up to him and said, ‘What do you feel like doing today? You can have anything you like.’
‘Well,’ said the cricketer, I can’t think of nothing better than a game of cricket. Can we do that?’
‘Certainly,’ said the Devil, and off they went to get changed. They arrived at a beautiful pitch, and the batsman in his new gear took up a stance. Nothing happpened.
‘Come on then,’ he said to the Devil, ‘bowl the first ball.’
‘Ah, that’s the Hell of it,’ said the Devil. ‘We haven’t got any balls.’

Have you noticed that the “Super Bowl” this year sounds more like the “Condom Bowl”?
Titans vs. Rams.

Manager: “I’m sorry. Sir, we have no time open on the course today.”

Golfer: “Wait a minute, what if Arnold Palmer and Jack Nicklaus showed up? I’m sure you’d find a starting time for them.”

Manager: “Of course we would, sir.”

Golfer: “Well, I happen to know they’re not coming, so we’ll take their time.”

Q: Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear?
A: Because he liked sole music

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