Joke's Database
Have fun searching 100254 jokes and pictures!

Two guys were out hunting, but they weren’t getting any ducks.
“What do you think the problem is?” one man asked his companion.
“I dunno,” came the reply, “Maybe we aren’t throwing the dog up high enough.”

Two men went hunting. Joe had been hunting all his life, but Steve was hunting for the first time. Joe told Steve to sit down and not make a sound. So he did.
But when Joe got 100 yards away, he heard a scream. “I thought I told you to be quiet!” he said.
“Well, I was when the snake bit me,” said Steve. “And I was when the bear attacked me… but when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant leg and said, ‘Should we eat them or take them with us,’ I screamed.”

Two rednecks from Arkansas were out hunting. They decided to separate to get a better chance of catching something.

The first redneck says to the other, “If you get lost, fire three shots into the air every hour. That way I can pinpoint you and find you.”

After about three hours, the second redneck finds he is really lost. He decides to fire three shots into the air as the first man told him. He then waits an hour and does it again. He repeats this until he is out of ammo.

The next morning, the first redneck finds the second with the help of forest rangers. He asks the second redneck man if he did what he told him to do.

The redneck answers, “Yes, I fired three shots into the air every hour on the hour until I ran out of arrows.”

Two guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life.
When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand. After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a blood-curdling scream.
He rushes back to Jerry and yells, “I thought I told you to be quiet!”
Jerry says, “Hey, I tried. I really did. When those snakes crawled over me, I didn’t make a sound. When that bear was breathing down my neck, I didn’t make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled up my pants leg and said, Should we take them with us or eat them here? I couldn’t keep quiet any more!”

Three hunters decided if they got separated or lost, they would use the yodeling cry “oh-lady-hoo” to help locate each other. One hunter got lost and yelled “oh-lady-hoo” until he was hoarse but to no avail.

When it began to get dark, he gave up trying to find his friends, saw light at a nearby farmhouse, knocked on the front door and asked the farmer if he could stay the night.

“No problem,” he said, “I’ve got a spare room you’re welcome to use.”

Toward morning, the hunter was awakened by the farmer’s young daughter as she slipped into his bed. In no time at all they were going at it hot and heavy and in a few minutes she had an orgasm. Her cries of ecstasy soon brought an angry father into the bedroom.

He had a loaded shotgun and said to the hunter, “You better get dressed real fast ’cause you and me are going down to the barnyard to see if you can haul ass fast enough to outrun a load of buckshot!”

As soon as they reached the barnyard, the frightened hunter took off like a scalded cat, jumped high in the air to clear the barnyard fence, thought of his missing friends, yelled “oh-lady-hoo” and instantly received a full load of buckshot in his rear end.

As he lay on the ground bleeding profusely, the farmer walked up and said, “I know my daughter pretty well and had my mind halfway made up not to shoot. But, when you yelled, ‘I got the old lady too,’ that changed my mind real quick.”

© 2015