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She: “Let me get this straight.The less I hit the ball, the better I am doing.”
He: “That’s right.”
She: “Then why hit it at all?”

The toughest part about this game is getting off the tee and into the hole.

As the man said,”I know I can play better than this; I just never have”.

In golf, you drive for show and putt for dough.

Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, and the players well.

Real golfers know how to count over five, when they have a bad hole.

If there is any larceny in man, golf will bring it out.

Real golfers don’t cry when they line up their fourth putt.

Golf is an easy game… it’s just hard to play.

In golf as in life, it’s the follow through that makes the difference.

Real golfers don’t miss putts, they get robbed.

Real golfers have two handicaps: one for bragging and one for betting.

Two friends were having a discussion on the finer reasons why they like the game of golf. “What I like about golf,” the first guy said, “is that you get to spend the day outdoors in the sun and fresh air, exercising your body and mind.”

“Screw that,” said his friend. “I’ll tell you why golf is such a great game. Where else can a guy like me get to spend the day with a bunch of hookers and not have his wife kill him!”

Four married guys go golfing on Sunday. During the 3rd hole the following conversation ensued:

First Guy: “Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.”

Second Guy: “That’s nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool.”

Third Guy: “Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her.”

They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him. “You haven’t said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What’s the deal?”

Fourth Guy: “I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s just say that the foundation for the new house is being poured next Tuesday.”

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, “What’s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!”
The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.”
“Forget it, man! You don’t stand a chance of hitting her from here!”

A man was about to tee off on the golf course when he felt a tap on his shoulder and a man handed him a card that read, “I am a deaf mute. May I play through, please?”

The first man angrily gave the card back, and communicated that “No, he may NOT play through, and that his handicap did not give him such a right.”

The first man whacked the ball onto the green and left to finish the hole.

Just as he was about to put the ball into the hole he was hit in the head with a golf ball, laying him out cold.

When he came to a few minutes later, he looked around and saw the deaf mute sternly looking at him, one hand on his hip, the other holding up 4 fingers.



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