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Two lawyers, Lawrence and Milton, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Lawrence offers Milton a bet. “Let’s say we bet $50.” Milton agrees and they’re off.

They are having a great game. After the 8th hold, Milton is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th. “Help me find my ball. Look over there,” he said to Lawrence.

After a few minutes, neither have any luck and a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Milton pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. “I’ve found my ball!” he announces.

Lawrence looks at him. “After all of the years we’ve been partners and playing together, you’d cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?”

“What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!”

“And you’re a liar, too!” Lawrence said. “I’ll have you know I’ve been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!”

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course.
One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long
funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing,
takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes and bows in prayer.

His friend says, “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing
I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies, “Yeah, well we were married for 35 years.”

Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed like forever. He’d waggle, look down, look up, but never start his backswing.
Finally David, his playing partner, asked, “Why on Earth are you taking so long to make this shot?”
“My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse, and I want to make this shot a good one,” said Bob.
“Good Lord,” said David, “you haven’t got a chance of hitting her from here.”

A golfer hit his drive on the first hole 300 yards right down the middle. When it came down, however, it hit a sprinkler and the ball went sideways into the woods. He was angry, but he went into the woods and hit a very hard 2 iron which hit a tree and bounced back straight at him. It hit him in the temple and killed him.

He was at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter looked at the big book and said, “I see you were a golfer, is that correct?”

“Yes, I am,” he replied.

St. Peter then said, “Do you hit the ball a long way?”

The golfer replied, “You bet. After all, I got here in 2, didn’t I?”

Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed like
forever. He’d waggle, look down, look up, but never start his backswing.
Finally David, his playing partner, asked, “Why on Earth are you taking
so long to make this shot?”

“My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse, and I want to make this shot a good one,” said Bob.

“Good Lord,” said David, “you haven’t got a chance of hitting her from here.”



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