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A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course.
One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long
funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing,
takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes and bows in prayer.

His friend says, “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing
I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies, “Yeah, well we were married for 35 years.”

A couple met at Hilton Head and fell in love. They were discussing how they would continue the relationship after their vacations were over. “It’s only fair to warn you, Jody,” Bill said, “I’m a golf nut. I live, eat, sleep and breathe golf.”

“Well, since you’re being honest, so will I.” Jody said. “I’m a hooker.”

“I see.” he said. Then, brightening, he smiled. “It’s probably because you’re not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.”

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course.
One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long
funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing,
takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes and bows in prayer.

His friend says, “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing
I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies, “Yeah, well we were married for 35 years.”

Stevie Wonder and Jack Nicklaus are in a bar. Nicklaus turns to Wonder and says: “How is the singing career going?”
Stevie Wonder says: “Not too bad, the latest album has gone into the top 10, so all in all I think it is pretty good. By the way how’s the golf.”
Nicklaus replies: “Not too bad, I am not winning as much as I used to but I am still making a bit of money. I have had some problems with my swing but I think I have got that right now.”
Stevie Wonder says: “I always find that when my swing goes wrong I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it, then the next time I play it seems to be alright.”
Jack Nicklaus says: “You play golf!”
Stevie Wonder says: “Yes, I have been playing for years.”
And Nicklaus says: “But I thought you were blind, how can you play golf if you are blind?”
He replies: “I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and he calls to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him, then when I get to where the ball lands. The caddy moves to the green or further down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice.”
“But how do you putt”, says Nicklaus.
“Well”, says Stevie, “I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice.”
Nicklaus says: “What is your handicap.” Stevie says “Well I play off scratch.”
Nicklaus is incredulous and he says to Stevie, “We must play a game sometime.”
Wonder replies: “Well people don’t take me seriously so I only play for money, and I never play for less than $100,000 a hole.” Nicklaus thinks about it and says “OK, I’m up for that-when would you like to play?” “I don’t care-any night next week is ok with me.” Wonder replies

A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, “It’s not a ship.” The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, “It’s not a boat.” The speck gets even closer and he thinks, “It’s not a raft.” Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, “How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”

“Ten years!”, he says.

She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, “Man, oh man! Is that good!”

Then she asked, “How long has it been since you’ve had a drink of whiskey?”

He replies, “Ten years!”

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.

He takes a long swig and says, “Wow, that’s fantastic!”

Then she starts unzipping a longer zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, “And how long has it been since you’ve had some real fun?”

And the man replies, “Wow! Don’t tell me that you’ve got golf clubs in there!”



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