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Golfer: “Well Caddy, How do you like my game?”
Caddy: “Very good, Sir! But personally I prefer Golf.”

Golfer: “Well, I have never played this badly before!
Caddy: “I didn’t realize you had played before, Sir.”

Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to be able to break 100 on this course,”
Caddy: “Try heaven,” advised the caddie. “You’ve already moved most of the earth.”

Golfer: “This is the worst golf course I’ve ever played on!”
Caddy: “This isn’t the golf course, sir! We left that an hour ago!”

Golfer: “Caddy, Do you think my game is improving?
Caddy: “Oh yes, Sir! You miss the ball much closer than you used to.”

Golfer: “Please stop checking your watch all the time, caddy. It’s distracting!”
Caddy: “This isn’t a watch, Sir, it’s a compass!”

Golfer: “Caddy, do you think it is a sin to play golf on Sunday?
Caddy: “The way you play, Sir, its a crime any day of the week!”

Golfer: “This golf is a funny game.”
Caddy: “It’s not supposed to be.”

Judge: “Do you understand the nature of an oath?
Caddy: “Boy: Do I? I’m your caddie, remember!”

Golfer: “That can’t be my ball, caddie. It looks far too old.”
Caddy: “It’s a long time since we started, sir.”

Golfer: “Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?”
Caddy: “Eventually.”

Golfer: “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world!” he screamed.”
Caddy: “I doubt it,” replied the caddy. “That would-be too much of a coincidence”

Golfer: “I’ve played so poorly all day; I think I’m going to go drown myself in that lake.”
Caddy: “I don’t think you could keep your head down that long.”

A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.

Finally the pro askes her what she wants. “I can’t find any green golf balls,” the blonde golfer complains.

The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.

As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, “Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?”

“Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!”

A Texas business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in Tokyo a day earlier than expected. Feeling lonely that evening, he employed the services of a beautiful young Japanese girl to be his companion for the evening.

Although the Japanese girl spoke very little English and the businessman spoke no Japanese, their passion roared and in the heat of the moment she began yelling “Gama Su!, Gama Su!” Hearing this, the Texan knew he had pleased his female Japanese friend and soon afterwards went to sleep.

The next day while playing golf with his Japanese business colleagues, one of his Japanese partners holed his shot from 170 yards away! Everyone went crazy and began yelling excitedly in Japanese. Wanting to impress his friends, the Texan joined in and began yelling, “Gama Su! Gama Su!”

Suddenly everyone became quiet. After a moment of silence, one of the Japanese turned to him and asked, “Wrong hole? What do you mean wrong hole?”

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped around his neck. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

“Well,” the man says, “it’s like this; I was playing a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white on its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it–stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt. That’s when I made my big mistake.”

“What did you do?” the doctor asks.

“Well.” the man replies, “I lifted the cow’s tail and yelled to my wife,
‘Hey, this looks like yours!’ I don’t remember much after that.”

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. “Your holiness,” said one of the Cardinals, “Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match.” The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.

“Not to worry,” said the Cardinal, “we’ll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We’ll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres… We can’t lose!” Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.

The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. “I came in second, your Holiness,” said Nicklaus.

“Second?!!” exclaimed the surprised Pope. “You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!”

“No,” said Nicklaus, “second to Rabbi Woods.”



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