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A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball – and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, “You know, when I was your age I’d hit the ball right over that tree.”

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, “Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall.”

Two friends were having a discussion on the finer reasons why they like the game of golf. “What I like about golf,” the first guy said, “is that you get to spend the day outdoors in the sun and fresh air, exercising your body and mind.”

“Screw that,” said his friend. “I’ll tell you why golf is such a great game. Where else can a guy like me get to spend the day with a bunch of hookers and not have his wife kill him!”

Skyline Golf Club
Memo to all members!
Re: The admission of women to the club.

Since the admission of women to the club, members are asked to obey the following rules.

1. Ladies are prohibited from touching the gentlemen’s balls either with hands or club.

2. Players are requested to remain silent during the short strokes.

3. All players with partners are requested to come together. When the lady partner comes first, the gentleman must not delay his strokes but continue playing.

4. In cases where a long position is impossible, the players may so choose a new position.

5. Players deciding on a new lay must start at least a club’s length from the hole.

6. Members are requested to stay out of any hole, showing signs of recent repair or undergoing monthly overhaul until the red flag has been lifted.

7. All holes must be kept clean at all times.

8. Members are also urged to use reasonable precautions at all times as the Management cannot be held responsible for balls lost in the bushes around the holes.

I think that I shall never see
a hazard rougher than an tree;

A tree o’er which my ball must fly
if on the green it is to lie;

A tree which stands that green to guard,
and makes the shot extremely hard;

A tree whose leafy arms extend
to kill the six iron shot I send;

A tree that stands in silence there,
while angry golfers rave and swear.

Irons were made for fools like me
who cannot ever miss a tree.

A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.

Finally the pro askes her what she wants. “I can’t find any green golf balls,” the blonde golfer complains.

The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.

As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, “Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?”

“Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!”



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