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Two football players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the Sugar Bowl the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, “Old MacDonald had a _________.”

Bubba was stumped. He had no idea of the answer. He knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the professor wasn’t watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. “Pssst. Tiny. What’s the answer to the last question?” Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn’t noticed then he turned to Bubba. “Bubba, you’re so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a farm.”

“Oh yeah,” said Bubba. “I remember now.” He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Reaching to tap Tiny’s shoulder again, he whispered, “Tiny, how do you spell farm?”

“You are really dumb, Bubba. That’s so easy. Farm is spelled – E-I-E-I-O.”.

Coin Toss = Asking them out

Kickoff = Holding hands

1st Down = Kissing

2nd Down = Up the shirt

3rd Down = Down south

4th Down = Oral action

Touchdown = Shaggin’

Victory Dance = Smoking afterwards

Time Out = The guy needs more time/can’t get it up

Incompletion = Guy can’t get off

Interception = Someone walks in on the two of you

Offsides = Gay person/Gay action

Flag on the play = Unwanted Advances

Delay of game = Girl has her period

Hail Mary = Not sure the other one wants it, but you go for it anyway

Hike = Up the rear

Reverse = 69

Sack = Girl takes control and gets frisky

2pt. conversion = Multiple orgasms

Prevent Defense = Condom/protection

Face Mask = Guy pulls girl head down to blow him

Shotgun = Touchdown in a car

Two minute warning = Guy gives the girl a warning before he blows his load

Holding = Cuddling

Superbowl = Wedding or Prom night

Huddle = Multiple participants

Madden ’99 = Cybersex

Instant replay = When you tape the two of you having sex

Illegal use of the hands = Masturbation

Ball Hog = Slut

Onside Kick = Making up after a fight

Double Header = Two mates in the same night

Tight End = Virgin

Wide Receiver = Girl that’s loose

False Start = Guy/Girl gets shut down (denied)

Pass Interference = Some stupid kid interrupts before you can get some

Fumble = Cheating (problem in the relationship)

Putting it through the uprights = Self explanatory

Special Teams = Prostitute/Gigolo

Unsportsmanlike Conduct = Bragging to your friends about your activities

Double Coverage = Two condoms

Handoff = Handjob

A local bean farmer was blessed with a wonderful crop this fall. In fact he had so many beans, he needed to unload them somehow. With all the hoopla about the upcoming Super Bowl, he decided that would be a good venue to reach more people. With this in mind he went to the local TV station to speak with the advertising manager.

The farmer said, “I would like to purchase a minute or two during the Super Bowl to advertise my wonderful beans. I have such a bountiful crop of beans of all kinds; pinto beans, lima beans, navy beans, red beans . . .”

The sales manager said, “Ok, Ok, I get the message. And what would you be able to pay for this amount of prime advertising time?”

The farmer scratched his beard, looked off, then said, very solemnly, “I’d be willing to go as high as $300 to reach those folks.”

“$300?” the manager yelled, “You must be out of your mind!!! The current sponsors pay through the nose to get the exposure of the Super Bowl! For example, the makers of Kotex pay MILLIONS of dollars to reach the audience!”

The farmer very evenly replied, “I’m sure that’s right. But those people are out for blood. I’m just farting around.”

During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.

At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.

The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, “Who stopped the elephant?”

“I did,” said the centipede.

“Who stopped the rhino?”

“Uh, that was me too,” said the centipede.

“And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?”

“Well, that was me as well,” said the centipede.

“So where were you during the first half?” demanded the coach.

“Well,” said the centipede, “I was having my ankles taped.”

Two football players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the Sugar Bowl the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, “Old MacDonald had a _________.”

Bubba was stumped. He had no idea of the answer. He knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the professor wasn’t watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. “Pssst. Tiny. What’s the answer to the last question?”

Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn’t noticed then he turned to Bubba. “Bubba, you’re so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a farm.”

“Oh yeah,” said Bubba. “I remember now.” He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Reaching to tap Tiny’s shoulder again, he whispered, “Tiny, how do you spell farm?”

“You are really dumb, Bubba. That’s so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O.”



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