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NASCAR would be a sport if half the cars were driving in the other direction.

Q: Why did Mike Tyson learn to bite ears?

A: How else do you tell a 275 pound inmate that “no means no”?

There once was a man who was so fanatical about his golf game that he used to play every day without fail. One morning he had played the first hole and was just about to tee off on the second, when he saw the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen putting on the first.

The man waited until the woman had reached the second tee and asked if she would like to join him and they could finish the round together. To his surprise the woman agreed and they played the remaining holes. Not only was this woman beautiful, she was also a good golfer.

When they completed their round, the man told the woman that he was a cordon bleu chef and wine buff. He invited her back to his place for a meal and a few drinks. The woman accepted enthusiastically and off they went. Back at the house the man cooked a magnificent meal. In fact it was more than just cooking it was a performance to behold. They enjoyed good food, good wine and good conversation.

The man was so taken by the beauty and skill of this woman and desired her no end. He then asked if she would like to play golf the following morning, to which she agreed. Once again they enjoyed a great game of golf, a magnificent evening meal.

This went on for three weeks when the lawyer finally said to the woman, “Listen, the golf and the company have been fantastic! But, there are only so many performances a man can take. When are we going to have sex?”

“We can’t,” said the woman.

“Why not?” came the reply.

“Because I’m a transvestite” replied the woman.

“YOU BITCH!” screamed the lawyer, “I CAN’T BELIEVE that you’ve been playing off the LADIES TEE for the last three weeks!”

There was this guy who went golfing every Saturday and Sunday. It didn’t matter what kind of weather it was, he was hooked on a round of golf on his days off.

One Saturday he left the house early and headed for the golf course, but it was so bitter cold that he decided he wouldn’t golf that day and went back home.

His wife was still in bed when he got there, so he took off his clothes and snuggled up to his wife’s backside and said, “Terrible weather out there.”

She replied, “Yeah, and can you believe my stupid husband went golfing.”

Q: What do they call a drug ring in Dallas?
A: A huddle.

Q: There are 4 Dallas Cowboys in a car, who’s driving?
A: The police.

Q: How do the Cowboys spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: Why can’t Michael Irvin be in the Cowboy huddle anymore?
A: It’s a parole violation for him to associate with known felons.



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