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A man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it.
An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to knock so loudly.
The passerby asks, “Who’s in your upstairs room?”
The elderly man replies, “I can’t see how it’s any of your business. Since, you must know, my daughter and intended son-in-law are upstairs.”
The passerby hands him the used condom and says, “Well, I just wanted you to know that your intended grandchild fell out the window!”

“Would you like to hear my sexual philosophy?” the boss asked the new coder.

“Why yes sir, I think that would be interesting,” she responded.

“It’s really quite simple,” he said. “Get it Up… Get in In… Get it Off… and Get it Home.”

“Hmmmmmmm,” she mused. “Sounds like the Four-Get-It system to me!”

Q: Why do we have orgasms?
A: How else would we know when to stop?

Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

A: Slow down and use a lubricant.

Fred’s convertible glided to a halt on the edge of a lonely country road.

“I suppose,” said his pretty but reluctant date, “you’re going to pull the old ‘out of gas’ routine.”

“No,” said Fred, ” I’m going to pull the ‘here after’ routine.”

“The ‘here after’ routine… what’s that?” she wanted to know.

“If you’re not here after what I’m here after, you’ll be here after I’m gone!” he replies.

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