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The census taker rang the doorbell and was quite surprised when the door was opened by a nude woman. “Don’t be alarmed,” she said, “I’m a nudist.”

Although somewhat embarrassed, the man proceeded to ask the routine questions. “How many children do you have?” he asked.

“Eighteen,” the lady replied.

“Lady,” he gasped, “You’re not a nudist, you just don’t have time to get dressed!”

A traveling salesman whose car has broken down goes to the door of the closest farmhouse. The farmer says, “You can spend the night but you’ll have to share a room with my beautiful daughter.”

“Oh, I don’t mind that,” exclaims the salesman.

“Just one thing,” says the farmer. “No funny business.”

“Oh no sir,” says the salesman. “You can count on me.”

Just to be safe, the farmer builds a wall of eggs between the two beds in the daughter’s room. In the middle of the night, the salesman can no longer control himself, busts through the eggs and has his way with the farmer’s daughter.

They take the rest of the night piecing the eggs back together one by one and rebuilding the wall.

The next morning, the farmer goes to his daughter’s room and takes a couple eggs to the kitchen to make breakfast. Cracking open the first egg, of course, produces nothing. Cracking open the second egg, likewise.

The farmer pokes his head out the window and yells, “OK, which one of you roosters is using a rubber?”

In the Garden of Eden,
As everyone knows,
Lives Adam and Eve,
Without any clothes.

In this garden,
Were 2 little leaves,
One covered Adam’s
One covered Eve’s.

As the story goes on,
Nevertheless to say,
The wind came along,
And blew the leaves away.

At the sight,
Adam did stare,
There was Eve’s treasure,
All covered with hair.

And wonder came,
Under Eve’s eyes,
As Adam’s thing,
Started to rise.

They found a spot,
That suited them best,
A nice big tree,
Where they began to rest.

Her legs spread wider,
And wider apart,
While thrill after thrill,
Came into her heart.

The head of Adam’s thing,
Peeked into the hold,
And filled her with passion,
beyond her control.

Backward and forward,
His thing did slide,
And Eve’s treasure,
Was all wet inside.

The joy was good,
She wouldn’t let loose,
Until Adam’s thing,
Was all out of juice.

Then through the years,
People did screw,
And now it’s time,
for me and you.

So pull down you pants,
And lay in the grass,
‘Cuz I’m in the mood,
For a piece of that ASS!

A nun was walking in the convent when one of the priests noticed she was gaining a little weight. “Gaining a little weight are we sister Susan?” he asked.

“No, Father. Just a little gas,” Sister Susan explained.

A month or so later the priest noticed that she had gained even more weight. “Gaining some weight are we Sister Susan?” he asked again.

“Oh no, Father. Just a little gas,” she replied again.

A couple of months later the priest noticed Sister Susan pushing a baby carriage around the convent. He leaned over and looked in the carriage and said, “Cute little fart.”

Q: What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man?

A: The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the man thinks often about dating them.



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