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A married couple was on holiday in the Middle East and they came upon the main city bazaar. They walked around the market place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.

From inside they heard a gentleman say, “You foreigners? Come in my friends. Come into my humble shop. Salam a leekem!” (hello in english) So the couple walked in.

The bazaar merchant says to them, “I have some special sandals I think you’d be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel.”

After hearing this statement, the wife became intrigued and encouraged her husband to try them on. Her husband smirked and winked at his wife, with the comment, ” I don’t think I really need them.” But since they were having fun in the bazaar, he asked the merchant, “So, how could sandals make you into a sex animal?”

The merchant smiled and replied, “Just try them on, my friend, trust me!”

Well, in the combined spirit of goodwill and after much badgering from his wife, he finally consented to try them on.

The husband put the shoes on and and a wild look seemed to appear in his eyes, something his wife has not seen in many years — the look of raw sexual power.

In a blink of the eye, the husband rushed the merchant, threw him on the table and started tearing at the guys pants.

While trying to run away, the bazaar merchant is yelling non-stop, “You’ve got the shoes on the wrong feet…You’ve got the shoes the wrong feet!!”

Ok, I’m going to get a lot of hate mail for this one…

What’s the definition of the perfect woman?

She’s three feet tall, has a round hole for a mouth, and her head is flat
so you can put a can on it. The sports model has pull back ears and her
teeth fold in. The economy model fucks all night and at midnight turns
into a roast beef sandwich and a six pack.

Q: How does a yuppie couple perform doggie-style sex?

A: He sits up and begs and she lies down and plays dead.

– It’s legal to play hockey professionally.

– The puck is always hard.

– Protective equipment is reusable and you don’t even have to wash it.

– It lasts a full hour.

– You know you’re finished when the buzzer sounds.

– Your parents cheer when you score.

– A two-on-one or three-on-one is not uncommon.

– Periods only last 20 minutes.

– You can count on it at least twice a week.

– You can tell the media about it afterwards.

Dream on, boys!

* I’ll swallow it all …I love the taste.

* Are you sure you’ve had enough to drink?

* I’m bored. Let’s shave my little kitty, you big lion king!

* Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer, a few joints, and have my friend Tammy over for a threesome!

* God..if I don’t get to blow you soon, I swear I’m gonna bust!

* I know it’s a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?

* You’re so sexy when you’re hungover.

* I’d rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.

* Let’s subscribe to Hustler.

* Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?

* Say, let’s go down to the mall so you can check out women’s asses.

* I’ll be out painting the house.

* I love it when you play golf on Sunday’s, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too.

* Honey, our new neighbor’s daughter is nude sunbathing again, come see!

* I’ve decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.

* No, no … I’ll take the car to have the oil changed.

* Your mother did a great job raising you.

* Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine’s day thing and buy yourself new clubs.

* I understand fully…our anniversary comes every year. You go hunting with the guys, it’s a wonderful stress reliever.

* Shouldn’t you be down at the bar with your buddies?

* Not the mall again! Come on let’s go to that new strip joint!

* Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don’t you retire and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or 8.

* You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings.

* That was a great fart! Do another one!

* I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head for you…



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