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Q: Why did the blond have lipstick on her steering wheel?
A: She tried to blow the horn

There were these three morticians talking about their greatest feats.

The first one says, “I had this soldier who stepped on a land mine. Took me three days to get him ready for an open casket funeral!”

The next guy says, “Oh yeah? I had this construction worker fall 15 stories, then he got run over by a steam roller, but I had him ready for an open casket funeral in two days!”

The third guy sulks in the corner, “Man. both y’all got me beat. I had this lady parachutist who landed on the Empire State Building. It took me four days just to get the grin off her face.”

Little Red Riding Hood is about to go visit her Grandmother. Her mother tells her, “Little Red Riding Hood, don’t walk through the forest, you know the Big Bad Wolf is going to try to pinch your titties.”

Little Red Riding Hood says, “Oh no, he’s not!” and she leaves.

Farmer Brown sees Little Red Riding Hood and says, “Little Red Riding Hood, don’t walk through the forest, you know the Big Bad Wolf is going to try to pinch your titties.”

Little Red Riding Hood says, “Oh no, he’s not!” and walks on.

Finally, she gets to Grandmother’s house and the Big Bad Wolf jumps out and says, “Little Red Riding Hood, why are you in the forest, you know I’m going to pinch your titties.”

Little Red riding hood pulls a gun out of her basket and says, “Oh no you’re not, you’re going to eat me, just like the story says!”

A couple married forty years were revisiting the same places
they went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded
countryside, they passed a ranch with a tall deer fence running
along the road.
The woman said, “Sweetheart, let’s do the same thing we did
here forty years ago.”
The guy stopped the car. His wife backed against the fence, and
he immediately jumped her bones like a bass on a junebug. They
made love like never before.
Back in the car, the guy says, “Darlin’, you sure never moved
like that forty years ago – or any time since that I can remember!”
The woman says, “Forty years ago that goddamn fence wasn’t electrified!”

Q: What does gay stand for?
A: Got Aids Yet



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