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Q: What’s the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?
A: One is a Goodyear, and the other is a great year!

Q: What’s the definition of a teenager?
A: God’s punishment for enjoying sex.

1) The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon period; you both keep doing it until you’re blue in the face.

2) The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage; you’ll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.

3) The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You’ve calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.

4) The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is the phase in which you pass each other in the hallway and say, “Screw you!”

5) There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.

Harry noticed he was running low on rubbers, so he stopped by the local drugstore.

“What size?” asked the blonde pharmacist’s assistant sweetly.

When he admitted he wasn’t sure of his size. The blonde led him into the back room, lifted her skirt and told him to enter her. He was delighted to oblige.

“Size six,” she told him after a moment. “Now, take it out. How many?”

Harry bought a dozen, and on his way home, he ran into his friend Tom. Harry eagerly told Tom the whole story.

Tom rushed down to the drugstore to place on order, “But I’m afraid I don’t know my size,” he told the sales girl.

So the blonde led him in to the back room and repeated the procedure. “Size seven, Sir. Now take it out please. How many?”

But Tom kept on going until he was done. “None, thanks,” he told her, zipping up his pants and grinning. “I just came in for a fitting.”

To determine your personality check the gift you’d most like to get:

1. Candy
2. Flowers
3. A sweet poem
4. Sex
5. Dinner/Dancing
6. Waffle iron

If you answered…

1. CANDY

It means that… You are a sweet person who enjoys traditional gifts and hopefully likes to share… OR you’re a selfish chocoholic who values a sugar high over everything even true love.

2. FLOWERS

It means that… You love the beauty of nature, the scent of flowers and appreciate this timeless romantic gesture… OR you get some twisted joy out of watching vegetation wither and die.

3. A SWEET POEM

It means that… You’re a hopeless romantic, a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word… OR you’re used to cheap gifts and like to pass yourself off as a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word.

4. SEX

It means that…You are a passionate soul, a free spirit who is not afraid to express your sexuality with another consenting adult and feel that the physical side of love can be meaningful and beautiful… OR you’re a filthy degenerate who is no better than a rutting animal living solely for one carnal experience after another.

5. DINNER/DANCING

It means that… You enjoy the company of that special someone and the romantic setting of fine cuisine and candlelight… OR you’re easy to please and probably willing to sell your body for food and a few quick turns around the dance floor.

6. WAFFLE IRON

It means that… You’re a practical person who believes in gifts that you can actually use… OR you have absolutely no idea of what gift-giving is all about and probably have some sort of deviant sexual fetish involving kitchen appliances.



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