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– Phone sex operators keep hanging up on you.

– Fox is starting a new show about you: “America’s Least Wanted.”

– You get a heart-shaped box filled with angry hornets.

– The babes just don’t seem to go for your homemade Star Trek uniform.

– You’re taking private tutorials with Jocelyn Elders.

– You have one of those handsome Ito beards … and you’re a woman.

– The last time you got laid was during the Eisenhower administration.

– You spend your vacation chasin’ lizards.

– The Pope asks you for tips on celibacy.

– You ain’t a Gingrich, but your nickname’s “Newt.”

Q: How do you know if a lesbian is butch?
A: She kick-starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches.
When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his
poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his
migraines and STILL no improvement.

“Listen,” says the Doctor, “I have migraines, too and the advice I’m
going to give you isn’t really anything I learned in medical school,
but it’s advice that I’ve gotten from my own experience. When I have
a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a
while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can
stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I
get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is
killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the
headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and
see me in six weeks.”

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. “Doc! I took
your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I’ve had migraines for
17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!”

“Well,” says the physician, “I’m glad I could help.”

“By the way, Doc,” the patient adds, “you have a REALLY nice house.”

Q: What’s the difference between a Geneologist and a Gynecologist?
A: A Geneologist looks up your family tree, and a Gynecologist looks up your family bush.

Q: How are a blonde’s legs like cheese wiz?

A: They’re both useless unless they’re spread!

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