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Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

A: Slow down and use a lubricant.

A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing.

“Damn, that was stupid,” she thought as she fell. “What a way to die.”

As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, “Do you suck?”

“No!” she shrieked, aghast.

So, he dropped her. As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her.

“Do you screw?” he asked.

“Of course not!” she exclaimed before she could stop herself. He dropped her, too.

The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor.

“I suck! I screw!” she screamed in panic.

“Slut!” he said, and dropped her.

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a shower?
A: The shower has to be turned on before it gets wet.

It’s the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in.

“Carrie’s not ready yet so why don’t you have a seat?” he says.

“That’s cool,” says Bobby.

Carrie’s father asks Bobby what they’re planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop and a movie.

Carrie’s father responds, “Why don’t you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.”

Naturally, this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby, so he ask Carrie’s father to repeat it. “Yeah,” says Carrie’s father, “Carrie really likes to screw, she’ll screw all night if we let her!”

Well this just made Bobby’s eyes light up and his plan for the evening was beginning to look pretty good. A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she’s ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.

About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father:

“DAMMIT DADDY! IT’S CALLED THE TWIST !!!!!!!!”

Q: How does a man know when his wife is losing interest?

A: When her favorite sexual position is “next door”



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