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Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Should I really shave my balls?
If I don’t, she’ll surely bitch.
Does she care how much I’ll itch?

Take the razor and lather up,
Gawd that bitch is so corrupt!
Doesn’t she care that I could slip?
Shave my balls and cut off my dick?

Easy now, hands don’t shake,
She’ll call me “Stumpy” with one mistake.
Pubes in her teeth she really can’t bear,
If I want some head… get ridda the hair.

So I shave my balls all nice and slick,
Did it up nice without one nick!
“Feel ‘em baby, they’re so smooth!”
“Take off your clothes, get in the groove!”

She looks at me from our little bed,
“I’m sleepy, Baby… ain’t giving no head!”
She rolls on over and gives me her back,
I’m so pissed off, I’m about to crack!

Next day, it’s breakfast in the sheets,
I spoon her bites which she gladly eats.
And I must confess I think it’s fair,
That her omelet was made with pubic hair.

There were two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school and were both virgins and enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast, and the guy went to the west coast.
They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together. As time went on, the guy would call the girl but she was never home and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return any letters. Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around. He didn’t take this very well and increased his calls and letters and e-mails trying to win back her love. Because she became annoyed, and now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back. So what she did was this:
She took a polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend’s unmentionables and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, “I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone.” Well needless to say, this guy was heartbroken, but even more so, he was pissed. So what he did next was awesome:
He wrote on the back of the photo the following: “Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money!” and then mailed the picture to her parents.

Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?
A: He was stuck to the chicken.

- Vibrators don’t have problems with gas … Nor do they hog the remote … Nor the computer!

- We can get a bigger one or one that has better options whenever we want without being called a slut.

- Vibrators never go limp and rubbery, you simply replace the batteries when it tires.

- Position is your choice, not his.

- You don’t have to suck it.

- It works “while” the sports games are on.

- It always is hard.

- It doesn’t leave a mess behind.

- You don’t have to wear an ill fitting teddy to excite it.

- It doesn’t care that you gained 10 lbs.

- It doesn’t fall asleep and snore in your ear afterwards.

- You don’t have to clean up the apartment before bringing it home.

- You don’t have to cook it breakfast and pretend to be interested in it the next morning.

- You can throw them in a drawer and only take them out when you want to!

- They don’t get tired after the first time.

- They never poke you in the back in the morning to see if you are in the mood.

- They never drink too much and embarrass you.

- You don’t have to tell the vibrator he’s the best you ever had!

- Vibrators don’t prematurely ejaculate.

- Safe sex without a rubber.

- Vibrators don’t ask who your Daddy is.

- Vibrators last as long as YOU want them to last.

- You don’t have to put up with the shit, just turn it off when you get done with it !

- As long as you have a new pack of energizers the vibrator can keep going and going and going!

- Vibrators do what you want them to do at ALL times!

- Vibrators are portable so you can do it anytime anywhere you want!!

- They never ask how they were.

- They don’t burp, fart, belch or fall asleep on you.

- You don’t have to dress up for your vibrator.

- You don’t have to stroke its ego.

- They never wake up at 4 a.m. asking for another get-go.

- It doesn’t leave a wet spot.

- You can carry it with you at all times, and not feel obligated to feed it.

- It doesn’t require “a little lip action” to get hard

- It has no problem finding the “g spot.”

- You know exactly where its been.

- Vibrators don’t care if you get crumbs in the bed.

Q: Why dosn’t the blonde go to Red Lobster?
A: Because she dosn’t whan’t to get crabs!!!

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