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Maurice and Hetty were approaching their Golden wedding anniversary. One summer evening, as they were taking a slow walk in their local park, Hetty suddenly takes her walking stick and hits Maurice hard across his back with it.
“What on earth did you do that for? It really hurts.” he shouts at her.
Hetty replies, “That’s for 50 years of poor sex.”
Maurice thinks for a while and then takes his walking stick and hits Hetty hard across her tuchus with it.
“Ouch,” she screams. “What was that for?”
Maurice looks at her and replies, “That’s for knowing the difference.”

An old desert rat named Burdew
Came to town one day for a screw.
He threw down a quarter
And drawled out, “That orter
Cover a quick poke or two.”

The madam looked very askance
At the grime on his shirt and his pants,
His scruffy gray beard,
The eyes that went weird,
And the odor that wasn’t from France.

“Ol” fella,” she said with a grin,
“For a quarter, I’ll let you right in
To a room that’s just ripe
For a man of your type
And a gal that’s ideal for your sin.”

The prospector’s eyes went aglow
As the fire began burning below.
His hands started shaking
And his knees were aquaking.
It was plain he was rarin’ to go.

So they led him out back of the place
To a shed with just enough space
For the fattest pink sow,
He’d seen anyhow
With a sorta’ sweet smile on her face.

Burdew shoved everyone aside,
Slammed the door and was quickly astride
His porky delight
Where he spent the whole night
In a passionate piggyback ride!

At daybreak, Burdew poked his head
Out of the tumbledown shed
With a satisfied sigh,
He said, “Miss Piggy and I
Will be having our breakfast in bed.”

14) Snow White, Seven Dwarfs and a Webcam

13) The Knave Who Choked The Warrior Coach But Is Still Getting Many Pieces Of Gold

12) How To Make $5,000 A Week In Your Spare Time

11) Rapennzoil

10) The Emperor’s New Clothes from International Male

9) Booty and the Priest

8) The Supermodel and the Top 5 Contributor

7) Little Red Clitoral Hood

6) Bubba and the Slippery Zipper

5) Johnny Leatherpants and His Magic Nipple Clamps

4) Rumpledforeskin

3) The Ogres of Madison County

2) GoldieHawn and the 3 Plastic Surgeons

1) The Little Engine That Never Will (because the lazy bastard’s been a disappointment to me and his mother since day one!)

I must take every precaution not to get pregnant,” said Edna to Priscilla.
“But I thought you said your hubby had a vasectomy,” Priscilla responded.
“He did. That’s why I have to take every precaution.”

Q: What happened to the cheerleader when she did the splits?
A: 20 class rings fell out.

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