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PART I

13) Although you know the batting average of every New York Yankee, you can’t remember your girlfriend’s dress size or the color of her eyes… or her name.

12) Let’s put it this way: In the “Mr. Hairy Back” pageant, you wouldn’t have to settle for the congeniality award.

11) The makers of “Frozen Meals For One” made you their “Customer of the Year” — again.

10) In your world, nothing says “I love you” like a head butt.

9) You suggest the topic “Top Signs You’re Going to Spend the Rest of Your Life Single,” mistakenly thinking that your equally-hopeless fellow contributors might give you some clue as to what you’re doing wrong.

8) The 6-inch pumps and leather mini may be a bit too risqu

This guy goes into a doctors and says “Doctor, doctor you’ve gotta help me. I just can’t stop having sex!”
“Well how often do you have it?” the doctor asks.
“Well, twice a day I have sex with my wife, TWICE a day”, he answers back.
“That’s not so much”, says the doctor.
“Yes, but thats not all. Twice a day I have sex with my secretary, TWICE a day,” replies the man.
“Well that is probably a bit excessive,” says the doctor.
“Yes, but thats not all. Twice a day I have sex with a prostitute, TWICE a day,” says the man.
“Well, that’s definitely to much”, says the doctor. “You’ve got to learn to take yourself in hand.”
“I do”, says the man. “Twice a day.”

Two mates were screwing the same chick at the same time, and they were
greeted with the sad news one day that their common squeeze had got
knocked up. Having no way of knowing which was the father, the two mates
chipped in and sent her out of town to have the little bastard.
Several months passed without either of the mates hearing from the chick,
so one of them decided to find her and get some news about the pregnancy.
The next day, the other dude got a call from his mate. “I’ve got some good
news and some bad news,” the mate said on the telephone.
“Well, give me the good news first,” replied the other.
“The good news is that she’s fine, and she had twins,” came the reply.
“And the bad news?”
“Mine died”

A Chinese man had three daughters; he asked his eldest daughter what kind
of man she would like to marry.
“I would like to marry a man with three dragons on his chest”, said the
eldest daughter.
He then asked his second daughter whom she would like to marry.
“I would like to marry a man with two dragons on his chest”, said the
second daughter.
He finally asked his youngest daughter whom she would like to marry.
“I would like to marry a man with one draggin’ on the ground”, said the
youngest daughter.

Q: Why don’t blondes use vibrators?
A: Because they are scared they might chip thier teeth!!!



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