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One day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom.
He opens the door, and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch, stripped naked, on top of his mother, also naked, heavily into the act of lovemaking.
Not wanting to traumatize the boy, the parents continue as if nothing was wrong.
Billy watches, and after a couple of minutes asks, “Daddy, can I climb on and have a horsie ride?”
“Of course, Son, we’re a family.”
So Billy climbs on and after a few more minutes his mother starts moaning and writhing wildly.
“Hang on Dad!”, cries Billy, “this is where me and the mailman usually falls off!”

The church service was under way and they passed the collection plate. When the preacher saw a $100.00 bill in the collection plate, he stopped the service and announced, “Who ever put the $100.00 bill in the plate please stand up.”

A gay man stood up and said, “I did.”

The preacher told him, “Since you put that money in the plate I would like to let you pick out three hymns.”

Excitedly, the gay guy said, “Well, I’ll take him and him and him!”

A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over. He walks up
to the car and sees a nice-looking woman is driving and smells liquor on
her breath. He says, “I’m going to have to give you the breathalyzer test
to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol.” She blows up the
balloon and he walks over to the police car.
After a couple of minutes comes back and says, “It looks like you’ve had a
couple of stiff ones.” She replies “You mean it shows that, too?”

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in
their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he
could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor. He gave them
thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests, then
concluded, “Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you. On
your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some
grapes and some doughnuts.”

“Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across
the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife’s ‘love canal’.
Then, on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and
retrieve the grape using only your tongue.”

“Then next, ma’am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the
room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his
‘love pole’. Then, like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume
the doughnut.”

The couple went home and their sex life became more and more
wonderful. They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should
see the good doctor. The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would
not take the case unless he felt that he could help them. He conducted
the physical exams and the same battery of tests.

Then he told the Greens the bad news. “I cannot help you, so I will
not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will
ever be. I cannot help.”

The Greens pleaded with him, and said, “You helped our friends the
Browns, now please, please help us.”

“Well, all right”, the doctor said. “On your way home from the office,
stop at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box of
Cheerios… “

Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.



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